For the past couple of weeks, I've been telling myself to come in the folder. It took me that long to get the courage up, and now that I'm here, I don't know what to say. I took that quiz thing (not that I need a test to tell me something's wrong)... and I stopped halfway though, because all the answers were yes, yes, yes.
I can't talk to my DH about it at all. He just doesn't understand. He just tells me to cheer up, and then gets mad at me because he thinks I'm mad at him.
He just has no concept how I feel, or how somebody can feel sad for no reason. He keeps hounding me to tell him what's wrong, and when I can't put it into words, he gets fustrated and assumes it's his fault. I can't drive, so I can't go to the doctor on my own (which we really don't have the money to anyways). I just feel so... stuck.
To make things worse, DS has colic or reflux or something, he cries nonstop. I'm starting to dislike nursing b/c he spits up so much. Why bother nursing when he's going to throw it all back up, and start screaming again? To be honest, I haven't really bonded with him yet. He's almost 2 months old, and I have very few feelings towards him. What kind of horrible mother am I, when it makes me cry just looking at him, and I don't mean from happiness. I'm so attatched to DD, when she was an infant and still to this day, I feel so sad when she's away from me. But with DS, I could care less. I just wish someone would come take him away.
I'm trying to be in a good mood, I'm trying to be a good mother and wife, I'm trying to put on a happy face and muddle through it, but it's not working. I'm trying my hardest though, and that's what makes it hurt so much, because I'm trying sooo hard and it's not working.
Sorry, I don't know what the point of this post is... thanks for reading if you made it this far.