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#31 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 01:26 AM
 
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I have ONE baby and a four year old and I'm bawling my eyes out about how hard my days are. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
Just know that you've got more on your plate than I do, and I'm whining big time.
I'm so sorry.
The thing that helps me the most, is to get interested in what I'm doing. To inspire myself towards better parenting. I know that sounds super lame, but ....well, I have no life.
I am really into Waldorf parenting. When I start reading about Waldorf, I get really really good at being a mama. Here's my favorite site http://www.waldorfhomeschoolers.com/plantingseeds.htm
The very first line of this article says:
Plant your seeds wisely!
I say spend all the time you can with your young ones. I say submerge yourself in their hugs, kisses, laughter, playtimes and smiles. I say WAKE-UP and realize how lucky you are for the little treasure you have.
And here's another:
Rudolf Steiner Quote for the Day
"Everything that adults do makes an impression on the child's soul. These impressions work their way into the child's breathing, circulation and metabolism and can affect that child's health in later life."

I just read read read and then get off my butt and try to apply. It's actually fun. Waldorf has such balancing ideas, like taking the children to sit in the grass and watch and listen. We drag our playsilks outside and suddenly my utter dispair lifts. I don't know if it will work for you, but it's the only thing that makes me excited and ready to jump into parenting after looong hours of teething and fussing. And with Waldorf ....I get to shop a lot, there's lots of really good quality toys to get excited about lol.

Please don't be so sad.
You CAN love your babies. You CAN be alright. Just take it second by second, and know that everyone else is going through crap too. We have times where we shine and times when we suffer. You're not alone.
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#32 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 01:33 AM
 
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You sound similiar to how I did in a conversation I had with a girlfriend. I don't claim that my situation is as stressful as yours but I have very much felt at the end of my rope recently.

I feel for you. Please know that you are not alone. (((((HUG)))))
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#33 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 09:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillkuster
The thing that helps me the most, is to get interested in what I'm doing. To inspire myself towards better parenting. I know that sounds super lame, but ....well, I have no life.
I am really into Waldorf parenting. When I start reading about Waldorf, I get really really good at being a mama. Here's my favorite site http://www.waldorfhomeschoolers.com/plantingseeds.htm
It doesn't sound "super lame" at all, and I know what you mean about the no life part . That is a really interesting article you linked. I am definitely going to look into that further. Right now, I need a little inspiration.

Azreial - I am glad to hear you are feeling better and really happy that you are getting lots of help.
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#34 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 05:22 PM
 
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many many hugs to you!

When my twins were around the same age it was really really rough for me (us) too. The sleep deprivation was settling in and one of my twins loved to scream at the top of his lungs until your eardrums shook.

I say (and it helped a bit) forget cooking and cleaning, and when your 3 babies nap, YOU nap. I would get sooo frustrated with my 3 trying to keep up with everything that I would just cry.

Taking them out for a walk will help too, while it is still nice out.

Also, while your oldest is in school, how about going for a 'napping ride' with the other 3? Just drive around until they fall asleep and then enjoy the radio, or pull over (with windows open of course) and take a nap. or read a book. I did this quite a bit because I was feeling trapped at home.

You might want to get some other ideas from the parenting multiples board. I had very limited help (no family within 3+ hours) and we can't afford hired help. Mine are 1 year old now and it is somewhat easier and I enjoy them a lot more.

Again, many hugs to you and your family.

Danielle
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#35 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 07:01 PM
 
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It sounds cliche but, one day at a time.
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#36 of 49 Old 09-09-2006, 08:01 PM
 
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My DS and foster DD are two months apart and I almost lost it when they were babies. My foster DD was going through drug withdrawels and had reflux, and my son never took a bottle or pacifier so it seemed like I could never get away! Please just know that you are not alone. I wish your DH could be more loving and supportive of you right now, instead of making it worse by yelling at you. But truthfully all men are idiots, so just hang in there. Continue to come here and vent as much as you want and know that you won't be judged for getting some stress off your chest. You ARE a good mother simply by asking for help and recognizing the severity of the situation. And try to remeber to be good to yourself. Moms need time-outs sometimes too, and a minute alone locked in the bathroom with some deep breathing has been known to help me TREMENDOUSLY!

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#37 of 49 Old 09-10-2006, 05:30 PM
 
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Hey there,

I just wanted to know that I have been in a similar place. When my twins were born, my daughter was 17 months old. Even though I was nursing full time, and staying at home, it took me months before I felt like I was as attached to them as I 'should' be. It didn't help that every time I went out, I kept on getting idiotic comments like "oh, you're so lucky I always wanted twins' or 'wow, glad it's you and not me." I didn't identify with mainstream parenting so much, but whenever I tried to connect with non-mainstreamers all their stories about how they never put their babies down or were able to be right there to give them whatever they needed literally made me vomit becuase I could NOT do that and the guilt was shredding me from the inside out. To say nothing of the insane sleep deprivation, and what nursing two infants and a toddler takes out of you physically.

I'm glad that you are getting some more support. Can you connect with a Mothers of Twins Club in your area? It's true that there will be more mainstreamers than not--but to be honest, those moms will know not to say the (unwilling but still) guilt-tripping and stupid comments. Many clubs have excellent support systems--mamas you can call and just start crying into the phone if you need too. Older mamas who sometimes will come over during the day and just BE with you. For me, it was so important to see that people survive the first year, because I literally thought I'd be dead before then. It took me awhile to utilize those resouces (mostly because of shyness/non-crunchy snobbiness/fear), but I was very glad when I did.

3 years later, I can definitely say I'm having a great time. But I don't think anyone who hasn't really been there can truly understand how dark things can be in that first year. You will make it through this. It might be just about the hardest thing you've ever done in your whole damn life, but you will get through. Keep talking to your doctor and your mama. I think sometimes it's hard for DHes to know what to do--it was helpful for my DH to talk to 'older' twin dads too. I'll be thinking about you.

It is not horrible to feel resentful of newborn twin demands. It is not horrible to not instantly bond with them. If anything, I'd kind of think that the people who never get resentful are the freaks, not you (at least if people are telling the truth from what I've heard other twin moms say). Physically, emotionally, spiritually--multiples (especially 2nd round multiples) can and do push you to the breaking point. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You've just got to get through it the best you can, by the hour if you have to.
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#38 of 49 Old 09-10-2006, 10:45 PM
 
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Hi sweetie, just wanted to say hi and (HUGS)) BTDT..better now, but its hard.

There is a good PPD website, its UK based but the mums there are brilliant if you want to chat or need to vent, I frequented it a lot.
pnisha is the name of the site. Hope you feel better soon.

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#39 of 49 Old 09-10-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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#40 of 49 Old 09-11-2006, 01:46 AM
 
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{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}]] I can't imagine all the stress you must have....two babies at once plus two older children....wow. You are most definitely a strong woman, even if you don't see or feel it right now.

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#41 of 49 Old 09-11-2006, 03:17 AM
 
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Many hugs to you. I am glad you are getting help. PPD sucks. I felt many of the things you did.
Did you look in your tribe section already? Might be able to get more help there.
The pp are right. 5 mins at a time. 2 mins if you have to.
I know that you said your non-baby friends can't do the kid thing, but would any of them cook for you (or something like that)?

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#42 of 49 Old 09-11-2006, 03:20 AM
 
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mama. I would offer to help out, but I'm probably not near you. I hope your disability comes through.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#43 of 49 Old 09-11-2006, 04:07 PM
 
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How are you doing these days Mama?

I had someone direct me to your thread because you sound exactly like I did about 6 months ago. Our children's ages are nearly identical. It is SO hard. I can tell you that now that my twins are 6 months old and I have *demanded* help, I am doing much better.

I have the most loving husband, but he just didn't understand how hard it was. Once I lost it and ended up in the ER he (and myself and everyone else) realized how in over my head I was.

Take care of yourself and please feel free to PM if you think I can help at all. MANY hugs to you.
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#44 of 49 Old 09-12-2006, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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we've had a couple more breakdown moments but the help is finally coming and I think the meds are starting to work. Still having bad moments but there are good ones too.

i'm having a wonderful moment right now. I have one twin sleeping in a bouncy seat, one twin sleeping on my lap. DD is sleeping leaning against me with the sleeping chihuahua on her lap the other dog is sleeping on the back of the couch.

mil is coming over to watch all the kids so dh and I can go out and get him some pants. I have someone coming over during the day for the rest of the week

We've been getting meals now too. Thats made such a huge diffrence. My therapist has actually been bringing us the most food. She's wonderful she's dropped of dinner a couple of times, enough food for 3-4 meals for all of us

Camellia I've had a few moments where the er probably would have been the best pkace for me

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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#45 of 49 Old 09-12-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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I'm so glad you are getting the help you need! I also *love* the mental picture of all those sleeping critters

I just realized that in my last post I said my twins are 6 months old. They are actually almost 10 months, and what I meant to say was that its so much easier once they reach 6 months old!

Anyway, again, I'm so glad things are better. Hang in there!

L
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#46 of 49 Old 09-16-2006, 03:41 PM
 
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I just saw this thread or I would have responded sooner.

I'm SOOOO glad you're getting the help you need and that the meds have been effective for you.

I had severe ppd after the birth of my twins too, and am now being treated for PTSD additionally.

Continue to get what you need so that you can get better
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#47 of 49 Old 09-17-2006, 02:44 AM
 
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Hey Momma--

I have twins (who were born at 34 weeks also ) and a 7 month old, they are 22 months apart. Bless yoru heart and if i wasn't so flat broke i would fly my butt up there and help you. Because i have been there, i know how incredibly hard it is..
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#48 of 49 Old 09-21-2006, 06:30 PM
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Azreial - I live about an hour from you - I think. I'm in NH, but DH says we're about an hour from Gloucester. I'm leaving tomorrow to go visit my mom in VT but I will be home next Wednesday. PM me, and I'll give you my number - I can come help you if you want/need it. Even if you just want to talk.
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#49 of 49 Old 09-22-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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posted in wrong spot, sorry.
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