Anyone else have PTSD and PPD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 01-03-2007, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have both and I just can't seem to break out of the cycle. I have to take 10mg ambien and 2mg klonopin just to get a decent nights sleep. I still wake up sometimes from nightmares. I woke myself up screaming 3x in the past week

The depression just will not go away, it gets better than something else happens and I'm way down low again. One of my 5mth old twins has been sick and its just when he was in the nicu and freshly home, I don't want to hold him a lot and I think he's going to die. He's no where near that sick but I can;t get the thought out of my mind. I have little patience with the other kids. TBH somedays I think I'm neglecting them becuase I just don't want to deal. I just want to stay in bed and be left alone.

Besides the stress of 3 kids under 2 and a high needs 8 year old, my mil has breast cancer and it doesn't sound good and ds#1's Nana only has months to live from cancer. I have a pretty good relationship with Nana and lived with her for several years.

Then I have the ptsd from bad experiences in the twins pg, the c-section and thier nicu stay. It didn't help that I already had "hospital issues". I went into ptl with them and the vag exams were so terrible I was screaming and had panic attacks. I was xfered to a hospital 40 miles from home and they wouldn't let my dh come in the ambulance with me. I ended up leaving ama when they want me to stay "just in case" until I delivered or 34wks. I didn't have the babies for 7 more weeks at 34 6/7 weeks. I was so terrified I left the hospital without any shoes (they got left behind at the 1st hospital) and walked over to the parking garage with dh in hospital socks and the pj's I had on the night before. This was in the middle of the day in downtown Boston. I got some interesting looks while I sat waiting for dh to bring the car down. But between the numbness from the c/section and the horror of all those exams I cann't stand to be touched in that area, making. I also get panic-y anytime I'm laying flat on my back in a brightly lit room. I have trouble taking the kids to the drs when the baby was in the hospital my dh had to stay with him becuase I just couldn't :

I'm rambling, sorry. Anyway I have a therapist who I see regualrly I sometimes talk to her several times a week. I also have a medications therapist I see her every 1-2 weeks. I'm on 300mg Wellbutrin 30mg Lexapro plus the klonopin and ambien. Overall I don't think I've gotten that much better in a few ways I'm worse than I was a few months ago.

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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#2 of 8 Old 01-04-2007, 09:48 AM
 
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I dealt with PPD with all four of my pregnancies. I didn't have PTSD, but was simply a useless ball on the couch for many weeks (ok, not totally useless, I did nurse and feed the other kids). However, reading your story brought it all back.

I just wanted you to know I was reading. I can't totally understand what you are going through, but as a mom of four myself, I know the added stresses that come with having that many kids to take care of. Juggling it all seems impossible on the worst days and overwhelming on the best when you are depressed.
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#3 of 8 Old 01-04-2007, 09:58 AM
 
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I hear you.

Please please try progesterone.

If you are the pms type. especially.

It won't hurt your milk, I took it, nursing for a couple years. MAde a HUGE difference.

BUT I Must tell you...........

THE PTSD is anxiety.

Anxiety is fear.

Your heart needs healed.

Our old heartbreak eventually come up to be dealt with.

More and more I'm finding THIS part of PPD

If your therapist is not gonna go after healing your wounds of the past causing the PTSD

find another one.
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#4 of 8 Old 01-04-2007, 03:27 PM
 
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I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to give you some (((((hugs))))). I am currently dealing with the PPD by taking a natural regime until I am not breastfeeding then I will probably go on Wellbutrin. I have dealt with PTSD in a seperate time in my life-with domestic violence. With the PTSD it took time and great therapy and I still have to fight small re-occurances.

You are doing the best you can and getting the help you need...it will just take some time. Blessings to you.
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#5 of 8 Old 01-05-2007, 02:39 PM
 
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I have had post partum PTSD from birth treatment and living with active PTSD for so long was very depressing.

I hope you feel better soon.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-05-2007, 05:34 PM
 
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((((((hugs)))))

i'm a therapist who specializes in treating moms with PPD and also PTSD (not just birth related). please know that you are not alone, and you will get through this. chances of PPD increase with the number of difficult experiences you have, and it looks like you have so many right now, it's no wonder you're feeling so awful.

have you ever heard of EMDR? it is a wonderful therapy that works well in situations like yours. it would help to clear the anxiety and trauma from your pregnancy and birth experiences. you can google either EMDR or "eye movement desensitization reprocessing" and find a practitioner in your area.

and can you get some help around the house? anything you an do to lessen your load is good (professional house cleaners twice a month? your mom or a friend to do laundry or shopping once a week? a night out with a girl friend?) please hang in there, mama, things will look up.

also, i wanted to say, you might want to talk about the klonopin with your doc. sometimes the side effects of conventional medicine actually make folks feel worse. there is a fantastic homeopathic remedy called COFFEA CRUDA and you can get it at whole foods. it works wonders for me when i can't sleep because i'm running over and over things in my mind. it is gentle and fast with no side effects.
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#7 of 8 Old 01-08-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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Sounds like a terrible experience - it must be hard to focus on healing when your little one need you so much.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD as a result of my DD's birth (severe pre-e, 35 weeks, very nasty after a planned midwife birth). The psychiatrist (who specializes in birth trauma) also believes I likely had PPD as well. I still can't go anywhere near the hospital she was born in - though luckily, we haven't had any call to go back.

I sought an opinion at my midwife's urging due to a really rough time emotionally in this pregnancy (due in March - everything looks great so far). Not sure that it's helping as I've only seen the psychiatrist 4 times, but we'll see how it goes. I am blessed with a DH who has basically been single parenting our 2.5 year old since I was 8 weeks and playing interference with any possible extra stressors for me - it has been a very difficult few months for all of us and the guilt I feel for that certainly compounds it.

Anyway, no real insight, but just wanted to let you know you're not out there alone.

Michelle, mama to Isabelle (03/04) and Tom (02/07)
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#8 of 8 Old 01-09-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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I second the suggestion to consider EMDR for PTSD, here's a link that might be helpful.
http://www.pshrink.com/emdrfile.html
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