Joe's Birth Story Part II: Post Partum Psychosis - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 35 Old 05-19-2003, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
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Hey, Chrissy, that's interesting!

So, not only was I psychotic, I had OCD - and I did, too, it was obvious about a number of things. I mean, I was nesting up a wazoo. It's a good thing my birth injuries weren't chronic or something, I could have hurt myself permanently.

One thing I did do was go into 'spa mode'. I took long hot showers, used a lot of fancy skin creams and drank a ton of water and tea. I was manic, but I would move very slowly, sometimes not at all, to try to keep some kind of even keel. I would do things and take as long as it takes, not rushing, getting everything done methodically. I had rhythms and rituals for everything. I made every repetative task into a routine. I got very domestic about my hospital room. It looked like a studio apartment, very homey.

all the routine and spa treatments helped and I felt better, too. The air in the hospital was so dry my sinuses were dry and bloody, but my skin was so soft

when i got out of the hospital, the lack of routine was disturbing, but i managed.

last night i found all my notes and put them together. i was quite hte prolific note taker; i invented things, i came up with multiple business plans, i redecorated my house (on paper). This was a result of my mania, I'm a planner and a visionary. Some of the ideas I came up with I'm going to put into place, but there's so much stuff I have to slow down and take the time for Joe.
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#32 of 35 Old 05-19-2003, 09:27 PM
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I had never thought of it that way, thanks for bringing that up. It was really disturbing for me. I see it mildly come and go on me now, but not no where near what it was like when after Donovan was born. Now at least I don't worry about the door until nighttime, and can prepare veggies with out going haywire. I wonder if it was tied into the anxiety thing, as I'm not having much trouble with anxiety at all this time around, thankfully! Except for riding in the car, I have to watch myself. Car rides used to be my BIGGEST trigger. That was the worst irony - I hated being cooped up all day but then dreaded having to go anywhere.

MHM, I had forgot to mention that I checked out that link you posted, oh probably last week. I was surprised to see skin problems at the end of the list. I hadn't even tied that in with me...right now I am going through a horrible bought of excema on my hand, and it refuses to heal.
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#33 of 35 Old 05-19-2003, 09:48 PM - Thread Starter
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so, to add a bit of mysticism to the whole thing. birthing is pretty spiritual, and they say that the gates of heaven are open for 40 days after birth. and during psychosis you generally loose touch with reality. if you consider these things, and the anxiety of being a new mom and all the crud we've got to deal with - all the head trips and things we're supposed to do, if we just chuck all that crap and focus on the task at hand; getting in tune with the new baby, i think those other things, ODC and visions of harm, won't be such a problem.

i have a doula and my mom around. they're doing my laundry and my dishes and feeding me. this has probably been one of the best things for me to focus on Joe and not the other stuff in my life that really can take a back seat. i was considering this stuff to be helpful to me recovering from psychosis, but thining aobut it, it's probably what i needed as a new mom.

i was also lamenting that breastfeeding wasn't instinctual, but now i believe it is intuitive. if you can get the other racing thoughts out of your head and just focus on what the baby seems to be doing, what he likes, and how he best works, his rhythms if you will, your intuition will tell you how to take care of him. and i think this is what is ment by the gates of heaven - your intuition is turned up, but if you aren't focusing it, it goes awry and you get all these weird images going on.

things are finally starting to align with me. i'm way more intuitive about Joe and less intimidated about taking care of him. heck, i'm planning a long distance trip with my mom and the baby and i can't imagine that would have been advisable in my previous state.

hm, perhaps after the psychosis I did have PPD, afterall. and I'm coming out of it. interesting


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#34 of 35 Old 05-21-2003, 05:54 PM
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Originally posted by JesseMomme
MHM I first saw this in TAO but now get a chance to sit down and type, finally. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story, really. One thing I wanted to point out that really touched base with me
After I had D, I was the same way. I hated looking at anything sharp and I didnt know why. I dreaded having to prepare food and wash the dishes. I never envisioned myself doing something terrible, but that I would have an accident and something terrible would happen with it. It's like a horror movie going over and over in your head and you can't hit stop. These awful flashes also coincided with the extreme anxiety, keeping my door locked all the time, being afraid someone would come hurt us, it's like one half of my brain coudlnt' rationalize with the other.
Ah have to go, take care and more
Jesse & Lori,
I felt the same way and still do to a degree. It's like when you are standing on the edge of a high cliff and you are afriad to get too close in case you would fall off, but you find yourself moving closer and getting more and more anxious about it. Sometimes I hold M too tight so I won't accidentally drop her. It's a rotten feeling. OCD, I had never thought of that, but it does make sense. I think having kids offends my sense of order (since my house is always in dis-order), but I dwell on it. Hmmmm....
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#35 of 35 Old 05-22-2003, 05:54 PM
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Thanks for posting your story. I agree that PPD and PPP are barely discussed in our society and we need to get this inof out more...

Normal people just like us and who ARE us get these mental problems and we can defeat them!
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