I keep getting flowers from friends and almost feeling like "why are people sending me this?".
This was probably my last baby, and I definitely think that is contributing to this. Even my prior c/s's were a billion times better than this. I find myself having fleeting "after the baby is born I will do _____" or "That will be great for the birth!" thoughts before it kicks in "Oh right...thats done already." I hate the thought that this will mark the end of my pregnancy and birth journey.
DH keeps on telling me that I dont have a right to be upset since she will be fine and that soon it will all be over. I understand that in theory, but its not helping at all.
Don't let anyone talk you out of greiving your birth. You need to greive, in order to move past it. Having a healthy baby is a separate issue from having a great birth experience, IMO.
The best thing you can do is hold your baby. You need eachother.
Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July. Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.
On top of all that, you're only a week post partum. Even in an ideal world your hormones would be all over the place, and your world is far from ideal right now. It's totally normal to feel like the babe isn't there yet... after all, the babe isn't there yet, snuggled in your arms at home. The birth is still happening and will be until that little one is safely where she belongs, with you. So don't let anyone make you feel guilty for those feelings.
Is there a post partum therapist or nursing aide you could speak with? Or who you could speak with and who could then speak with your dh and/or close family about how they can best support you? Do you have anyone helping with your other children? It took me over 6 months to work up the courage to tell my family practice dr that I had PPD (and another month in therapy to be finally diagnosed with both PPD and PTSD)... and even now 3 years after my c/s I still have feelings that are difficult for me to sort through on my own. Asking for help, or just asking someone to listen to you, can be a huge source of relief.
Is there a doula, midwife, caring family practice dr, ICAN or LLL leader, religious person, or close friend in your area you'd feel comfortable talking with? Someone who will just let you talk and not try to "convince" you of anything? I wish I was close enough to offer a shoulder and tea...
I hope you heal quickly and with hope, and hang in there...
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mama to (4/05), (6/07vbac), (8/09vbac), and (9/11vbac)
It might not help this second but I promise it will get better and you will have that sweet baby home. Don't feel guilty if your first mothering experiences with this one don't go quite like you imagined or if you don't feel the emotions you think you should. Just remember, you did a wonderful job growing such a special baby
Lots of to you mama!!
It is devastating to have your birth expectations ruined and right now you should accept your feelings and disapointment. I cried everyday for a long time. But as time goes by it gets better. It helps to remember how you cared for and nourished your baby while in the womb and to keep in mind how nice it is that she will be okay. Even so, it is a long process to accepting everything, but eventually this time will be over, and you can focus on all the other beautiful aspects of parenting and all you can do as a mother for the rest of your life. Birth is only a small aspect of life and motherhood, although it seems and feels big now.
At least that's how I see it. Hugs and love to you while you journey through this difficult time.
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