i just need to vent for a minute--feeling very discouraged - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-22-2008, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so i started zoloft on monday. i know it can take awhile to notice an effect with SSRIs. i am trying to be patient. but this insomnia (which is not from the zoloft, i've had it off and on for months) is kicking my butt. i don't feel like doing anything. i don't feel like getting up in the morning, or eating, or doing any activities, or seeing anyone, because i am so tired and depressed about how i can never just SLEEP like a normal person.

my DH and i have thrown so much money at this problem. i do acupuncture, i take supplements, i have seen allopathic doctors, i am going to therapy. i know that i HAVE to be on the right track, but this problem is just not going away. he is getting upset because we're blowing our budget and about to go into debt, but how do i not try ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING for this problem? it feels like a matter of life or death, honestly.

my EMDR (for PTSD) starts next week. i am just so scared it won't help the sleep. even if my anxiety improves, and my mood improves, none of it will matter much if i can't SLEEP. sleep is so important, as we all know. some nights i am getting 5 or 6 hours, but sometimes less, and i need about 8 to feel normal. i just can't fall asleep, even though i have an Rx for ativan. i lie there, i'm exhausted, and i can't sleep, but when i get up to do something else, like read or go online, i can't keep my eyes open. so then i go back and lie down, and sometimes i fall asleep, but other times i have to get up again, even though i can't keep my eyes open.

WTF is that about?!?!?!?! :

there is really no point to this post other than to say i am so frustrated that i have tried SO HARD and done so many things to feel better, and none of them seem to really work. everything has helped some, but on the whole, i am still in a world of sh!t right now. and to add insult to injury, i really feel like the "natural" minded people i see for my problems are pretty unsupportive about my trying the zoloft, which just p!sses me off to no end, because WTF am i supposed to do when nothing else is working???

please tell me i will get better. i am trying so hard. i don't know what else to do, mamas

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#2 of 12 Old 05-22-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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Oh, momma, it will SO get better. Hang on. The meds will kick in very soon and you will be much happier. Best wishes to you. I know it's hard, but HANG ON. Relief is coming.

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#3 of 12 Old 05-22-2008, 01:03 PM
 
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Zoloft actually helped me sleep after my body adjusted to it..that, and anxiety was a big thing for me so allowing myself to do OCD things like check the doors and windows and unplug stuff before going to bed helped me sleep better too.

You will get better! Also, I noticed your LO is the same age as mine...I'm sure that is feeding your exhaustion-- can you have someone watch her for a couple hours so you can rest or have some "me" time?
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#4 of 12 Old 05-22-2008, 10:16 PM
 
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I'm so sorry - I've been there with the "can't sleep" thing. But the meds WILL start working and they will help you sleep. I ended up on a minute dose of valium (really really minute) rather than a sleeping pill because what I needed was to stop thinking all the time and it helped me relax enough that I could sleep.

As for natural vs. rx.....natural is great. It is the best way to go. I was brought up on homeopathy, I love acupuncture BUT, the drugs are there for a reason. Yes....sometimes they are over-prescribed but not for those of us with PP disorders. I've been on SSRI's a couple of times in my life. I needed them. They helped. Without them I might not be here. Only you know what you really need and what helps. Don't pay attention to docs who think acupuncture is useless....and don't pay attention to nautropaths who think all drugs are evil. There is ALWAYS a balance. Do what you need to do to get better. All that matters is that you find the right combination and recipe of remedies for you whatever that may be. And it can combine complemetary and medical approaches.

I hope your drugs kick in soon and you get some rest.
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#5 of 12 Old 05-23-2008, 01:45 AM
 
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Yeah to all of the above.
Hang in there.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#6 of 12 Old 05-23-2008, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for all the support. i am still having a really rough time. i hardly slept last night, maybe 4 hours. i am so tired. and anxious. and sad. and scared.

i'm in such a dark place right now, and i'm worried i won't come out of it.

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#7 of 12 Old 05-23-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Hold on. Relief is coming.

Can you ask your dr. for something to help you sleep in the meantime? Ativan? You can take a Benadryl at night if you want.

Just be careful if you are cosleeping. But relief is on the way, once the ssri starts to work, usually less than two weeks, you will all of a sudden sleep much better.

ETA-- why don't you call your therapist, anyway, and air these concerns. Then maybe you will both be able to figure a way to help you relax, or perhaps change your dosage so you can feel better sooner. You seem more depressed now, and I am thinking you could use some support. I also reread your first post and see you have some Ativan.

Would it help you to know that my PTSD got really bad around my son's 1st birthday? Could this be what is going on with you now? You are definitely on the right track and this could be the "thick" of it, you know? Hang in there, each day will get better now.

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#8 of 12 Old 05-23-2008, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mom0810 View Post

Would it help you to know that my PTSD got really bad around my son's 1st birthday? Could this be what is going on with you now? You are definitely on the right track and this could be the "thick" of it, you know? Hang in there, each day will get better now.
yes, thank you. things got on a real downward spiral starting about a month before her birthday, and i can't seem to get out of it. i know why now, thank goodness--it's the PTSD. but it doesn't help me feel better RIGHT NOW, just knowing.

i start EMDR next week, but i have to get through the weekend.

yes, i have ativan (.5 mg pills). i am always worried about taking too much of it. we do co-sleep. there has never been a problem, though, with the ativan (i won't co-sleep on true sleeping pills, though, like ambien). even taking ativan, i wake up easily even when i'm in another room if she cries, so i can't be sleeping too soundly.

i might try taking a bit more and sleeping in the guest room so i don't worry about DD. i can never seem to sleep apart from her, though. she always wakes up and needs to nurse and i hear her. it's a catch-22. sometimes i just want to go get a hotel. i don't know if that would make me more or less anxious. the eternal question.

thank you for the support. i really need it right now

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#9 of 12 Old 05-23-2008, 07:42 PM
 
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You'll get through it.

Try to do some yoga breathing, pick in one nostril, blue out the other. Then reverse it. I know it sounds nuts ,but it does work to relax.

Try taking a hot shower before bed, and having a cup of tea. That helps me. I remember being where you are, and I can just tell you that once the zoloft kicks in, life gets much easier.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#10 of 12 Old 05-27-2008, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mom0810 View Post
You'll get through it.

Try to do some yoga breathing, pick in one nostril, blue out the other. Then reverse it. I know it sounds nuts ,but it does work to relax.

Try taking a hot shower before bed, and having a cup of tea. That helps me. I remember being where you are, and I can just tell you that once the zoloft kicks in, life gets much easier.
thank you for all of your support, mom 0810.

i do seem to be doing better!

the last few days i have been sleeping better than i have in quite awhile. i also don't feel nearly as anxious during the day.

let's hope it continues! my EMDR starts today, too!

i will update you soon. i really appreciate everything you do on this board to help moms, especially those of us who need to go the meds route. it is not an easy decision to make, but for me it seems to have been the right one.

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#11 of 12 Old 05-27-2008, 12:44 PM
 
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And you DESERVE such support. You have faced something that is very scary, and chosen to fight it. You are awesome.

Let us know how the EMDR goes.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#12 of 12 Old 05-28-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mom0810 View Post
And you DESERVE such support. You have faced something that is very scary, and chosen to fight it. You are awesome.
:
Hang in there!
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