My parents had to come and get my baby this weekend!! (Long) - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-06-2003, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am definetly suffering from Post Partum Depression. I have had 2 severe Panic Attacks both this week. I know I should be posting this on the PPD board but please bear with me. I have an appointment with a psychologist next week to get help. In the meantime, to post on this board helps me out tremendously. I have Post Partum Anxiety. I feel like I can't be left alone with my son to care for him. This past Saturday, everything was going fine until my husband announced that he had to go out. I literally could not breathe. The tears started flowing really hard. He knows what I am going through and he has tried to be really understanding and patient about it. It took him a while to calm me down. He said, "why don't you and 10wk DS drop me off and then come back and get me" I said okay. Even though his meeting did not start until 8pm.

To make a long story short, by the time DS and I got home, DS was screaming his head off, I thought maybe he was hungry since he had not eaten for the past 2 hours. Of course, when he started screaming, my panic set in and I tried my best to remain calm. I tried giving him his bottle, but he kept pushing it back out and screaming. But he kept gnawing/chewing on my finger. I had suspected that maybe he was in the stages of pre-teething. I read about it and he had all the symptoms related to teething. I tried putting a piece of ice wrapped in a dry weave cloth and placed it in his mouth. He seemed so relieved. But it wasn't enough. I gave him a cold bottle and he first bit on the nipple and wouldn't let go because it was cold and soothing to his gum. Then he started drinking his formula (I don't breastfeed) and I was so relieved because I did not want him to get dehydrated. But he still kept screaming in pain and I felt so bad because nothing I would do could soothe him. I felt utterly like a complete failure as a mother. . He kept screaming and crying and my panic attack got severe. I called DH but his meeting was still going strong. Plus, I would have had to go back and pick him up with a screaming baby in tow. So I called my mother and told her what happened. She heard me crying and the baby screaming and said she was on her way over.

She and my stepfather came over. She gave DS baby oragel and he just calmed right down. She rubbed some on his gums and it looked like it felt so good to him. She said "let me take him home for a couple of days and let you and DH get some real sleep" I hesitated because we had had this discussion when I was pregnant. When I was pregnant, I vowed in order for my DS to spend time with my mother was that she would have to come to my home and see him because she and my stepfather are smokers. She looked at me and pleaded with me. She said " I will not smoke around DS. He is going to be the reason I stop smoking. She said "if I smoke, I will go out of the house and wash my hands before I touch him. I would never do anything to harm him." If I had been in any other state of mind, I probably would not have let him go. But I was in a delirious state of mind. I was soo exhausted. I felt like I was going to collapse on the floor at any given moment. I also, knew that DH was going to be too tired to properly care for DS too. So reluctantly I let packed his bags and let him go. I felt so bad. It turned out that I had to go get DH at 3am. I almost fell asleep at the wheel, by the time we got back home, we fell into bed and was asleep within minutes.

I am at work right now and I am going to get DS from my parents after work. I know I need help right now. I was going to ask my mother to come and stay with me for a few days until I can feel comfortable taking care of DS. My DH is there to help of course, but sometimes, I need a female presence there as well. Thanks for listening.
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Old 10-06-2003, 12:10 PM
 
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They need a big hug button.

I'm sure someone else will have better advice, but you need to do what you can to take care of yourself in order to care for your baby. I like the idea of your mother staying with you, that way you can still be with your baby but get some sleep as well.

I realize it's probably not an option, but if you can take some time off work that would be really helpful, even a day or two, with help with the baby.

I'm glad you have an appointment to see someone, letting this go will just make everyone miserable, getting help is key.

Hang in there.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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Old 10-06-2003, 12:18 PM
 
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Hi newmommy, I had an anxiety attack last night, and though it wasn't as bad as yours sounds, I did do some things I really regret ( yelling at 8 mo dd to "Shut up" and smacking myself across the forehead with a wooden hairbrush- it was the only way I could keep myself from feeling like I wanted to hit her.) It was awful, I felt upset and alone. Dh was at a friend's house watching football. I think allowing your son to go with your parents was the right thing to do in this situation. I breastfeed, and until I started to pump when she was 5 months old (although, she had begun sleeping longer stretches at this point)I never could sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, and it was havoc on my internal equilibrium. Maybe getting some fresh air and exercise after a good rest will help as will putting healthy foods into your body until you can get to your counseling session. I hope you feel better.

Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

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Old 10-06-2003, 02:15 PM
 
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I just wanted to offer my support and encouragement to you. You are doing the absolute best that you can for your baby right now, and it's okay to feel scared/lost/exhausted/etc. Getting help (both from families and professionals) is a tremendous step and you should feel proud of yourself for having the strength to do it. You did the right thing to let your mom take the baby for a little while, and having her stay with you is a wonderful idea. Remember that taking care of yourself is just as important for your baby as taking care of him. I know that it is so hard to remember when you are dealing with a crying infant, but it's very important to both of you.
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Old 10-06-2003, 05:10 PM
 
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Just wanted to agree w/ everything the others said. I know you have been having a tough time and am glad you sought out help.

Try not to beat yourself up- being a new mom is SO hard, and it is just a longer process for some people. (Me, for instance.) But I promise you that you will get there; get some help for yourself and before you know it you and your baby will have a great relationship.
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Old 10-06-2003, 08:08 PM
 
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Being a new mother is THE toughest job in the whole world. I was a nervous wreck w/my first son. Every other thing in my life I've been able to use logic and commonsense to manage it. But, there is no baby manual out there. What your friends tell you worked for their kids--not yours and what your'e going through right now right here. The performance anxiety is completely overwhelming. You can't control what happens and when/why, etc.
It's so incredible to have hindsight on this issue. W/ds2, I have not worried once. Never. He's 11 mos. old and we're both happy as clams.
Just keep reminding yourself that you are not alone. Most of us have felt the exact same way. And, we've gotten over it. Your mom sounds awesome. If she can come stay w/you and help you to build your confidence, that sounds the best. That way, you will be there with your child and SHE will be there when things start to go south and she can model how to cope.

Not to be insensitive, but is it toolate for you to nurse? That was/is the biggest Godsend to me. Boobycamping is the best curative power in the whole world. My little guy has had a couple of fevers and already has all 16 teeth and we made it through it all just by going to bed for as long as it took. I'd just draw the blinds, turn on the TV , and settle down for hours and hours and hours.

Hang in there! You're in good company 'round the world!

PS: Try Hyland's teething tablets or if you can get to a Naturo. Dr. they can give you some liquid chamomile which works well and quickly.
Also, how about drinking chamomile tea for you? Steep it for a few minutes. Or, maybe rescue remedy for you?
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Old 10-06-2003, 09:50 PM
 
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"Not to be insensitive, but is it toolate for you to nurse? That was/is the biggest Godsend to me. Boobycamping is the best curative power in the whole world. My little guy has had a couple of fevers and already has all 16 teeth and we made it through it all just by going to bed for as long as it took. I'd just draw the blinds, turn on the TV , and settle down for hours and hours and hours."

I asked something along these lines in your last thread. You sound under so much pressure - I couldnt believe the hours that you are workign from the other thread. Have you checked out the responses there?

It seems to me that this calls for drastic action. For instance: a visit to the doctor, a severe cut in work hours, an effort to relactate if at all possible, a change of nighttime routine so that you curl up with your baby rather than your dh on the couch (which worries me for the danger aspect, and also because it seems you're not sleeping anyway), and having your mum come and help you with the baby, rather than take over.

I hope that you can be proactive and that things improve for you soon.
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Old 10-08-2003, 03:42 AM
 
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Newmommy,
Lots of s to you. I just can promise you something: it will get better in the future . There's nothing worst than seeing our new baby crying with out beeing able to understand her/his needs plus working as much as you do must be absolutely hard. If your Mom can stay with you that would be great, and will give you confidence too. Your husband probably also feels overwhelmed, a new baby is such a big change in our lifes and it is not easy, your situation is very common. I'm sure the appointment with the doctor will help you a lot.
I also don't BF now and maybe this tips can help you out with the colic of your DS:
- To prepare quickly all the bottles use the blender and then let it rest until the foam is almost gone. I use to prepare at least 9 or 10, 6 ounces each, and if for what ever reason I don't use them in 48 hours, I throw the formula away.
- May be you can change his formula. After I had to feed her with formula only, I changed to Carnation Good Start and worked wonders. This is the most digestable in the market. Of course check with your pediatritian first as the change has to be smooth.
- I bought "Dr. Browns" bottles. They have a new system that takes the air of the bottle and I could tell the difference in one week.
- Warm each bottle after feeding him. A warm bottle also helps if he is teething. Of course not hot, but warm.
-Throw away any unused formula after one hour.
-Burp him after 1 or 2 ounces. Try to burp him with his stomach down, over your knees or chest, this helps the air get out faster.
- Give him a warm bath if he is very fussy, this will help him to calm down.
- If he calms down with the hair dryer, you can also try other gray noises: vacum, washing or dryer machine, blender or the white noise from the TV (but don't let him close to it as it's stressing for him, also a trip on the car it's very relaxing.
- To help him sleep, you can use some Mozart's music.
- When he cries so much also change his diaper, I did it almost each hour when my dd was that young. For sure, every time your ds eats and wakes up he will need a diaper change.
- When he is sleep and after you notice that the REM movement in his eyes stopped, talk to him, tell him how much you love him and that some times you feel confused when he cries and you don't know why. Tell him how much you are looking forward for both of you to calm down and understand each other better. He will "listen" to you .
This things helped me a lot, I'm a new mommy too . Soon you will start to see lots of new and exciting things: his first smile, the first time he tries to grab something, his hands getting an stronger grip, lots of wonderful faces... You two are new in this, and both need to learn so much from each other. Also please don't let him sleep in the couch, try some nights to take him to your bed, put lots of pillows around if that makes you feel comfortable, the sound of his breathing close to you will relax you, even if you don't believe it now.
That little one is so happy to be with you , don't have any doubst about it.
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Old 10-08-2003, 12:19 PM
 
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I spent the first few weeks after Anja was born thinking that I had made the hugest mistake and there was no way I could take care of her. Being a new mama is the single most difficult thing I've ever done.

It's also the most rewarding. You WILL get past this, I know you will!

I hope your Mom can stay with you. My mom was my saving grace those first weeks when I thought I wouldn't make it.

You did the right thing by having your parents take the baby for a bit. You also did the right thing by making an appt. to see a doctor.

You are so much stronger than you realize!
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Old 10-08-2003, 03:01 PM
 
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I'm going to move this to the PPD forum so you can find some support from those in similar situations.
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Old 10-17-2003, 02:54 PM
 
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I know how your feeling!

I have a 6 week old and 3 year old at home (i have 3 older children who are on their own-army, married.)and I have been having some of the same feelings you are having. I am so afraid to be alone!! Lately I have even thought of giving up nursing to see if that helped but after reading your post realize some moms get anxiety regardless of how they choose to feed their babies.
You did the right thing seeking help. If the doctor reccomends meds don't be afraid to try them. I seem to be one of those people who experiences this after every birth. I love being a mother- I believe it is hormonal or something beyond my control.
In the past I suffered for years with anxiety after my children's birth without seeking help.
What a mistake!! When I finally asked for help And took zoloft I felt 100% better. I plan on discussing going back on meds with my dr. this week. I don't like the idea of meds, but they have helped me so much!! I have tried homeopathic remedy so far with no relief.
My babies have always been very fussy when I am feeling the most anxiety. I think they sense our distress.

I guess what I want to say is your not alone!! And you are probably a great mom(which is why your so worried). Take all the help you can. Take care of yourself.
Lots of Love, Laurie
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Old 10-20-2003, 11:25 AM
 
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You took a big step in asking for help!! I know how u are feeling I beg my dh to call in cause of my ppd and my son is only 7mos..
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:14 PM
 
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Newmommy, it was very courageous of you to share your story and ask for support. That's a positive first step. Also you've thought of a couple of other steps like asking your mom for help (definitely do this pronto if she's as kind and helpful as it sounds like she is).

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. It is really, really hard being a mom, even with the world's easiest baby or in the most pampered of circumstances. If a mom says it isn't ever hard for her to deal with her baby, she is either on drugs or lying!

I agree with so many of the suggestions already offered. When you are at such a low point, it's useless to think of trying to solve everything at once. I find it really useful to just concentrate on taking it a step at a time. Start with the most immediate concerns, like making sure you get sleep, food, and downtime. Whether that means taking time off work, asking everyone you know to help you by bringing dinner over or doing a load of laundry for you, or whatever, try to get your immediate needs met first. Again, having your mom around to assist in this is a great idea. Meeting your immediate needs will clear your head a little bit as you move on to future steps.

It does sound like you ought to see a doctor very soon about your anxiety attacks. It is normal to feel some anxiety in caring for a child, and many if not most moms have brief panic or psychotic episodes/worries. However, strong or frequent anxiety attacks are a symptom of something being out of kilter, whether it's chemical, emotional, or physical. Your doctor can help you start looking into the cause. You might also consider looking for a therapist, as therapy can help you isolate which things are really bothering you and come up with ideas of how to make improvements.

There is only a certain amount that a person can do. If you push yourself on too little sleep, inadequate nutrition, insufficient support, anyone and everyone reaches a point where she just can't do it anymore. Nobody can do it all!! Add to that the exhaustion of childcare, hormones fluctuating from pregnancy and childbirth, etc...it's so much! Lots of people seem to expect superwoman heroics out of moms, but it's just not possible to be the perfect, never-tiring mom. You are doing the best you can do with the resources available.

Reaching out for help shows me that you are a caring, thoughtful, resourceful woman and mom. As someone who should have asked for help earlier, I can attest to the fact that never letting anyone look after your child and pretending that you are on top of everything when you are not does NOT make you a better mom than someone who struggles but knows when to admit that fact!

Best of luck in the journey to feeling better that you have already begun.

Carol
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