1 week postpartum and falling apart - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 06-02-2008, 05:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS2 was born a week ago, and for the last three or four days I have completely fallen apart.

I cry at the drop of a hat. I am anxious and depressed. I keep thinking that maybe we shouldn't have had him. I don't think I can handle the sleepless nights and having a totally dependent baby again. DS1 was just getting to a place where he was becoming more independent and it was good.

I can't remember what to *do* with a newborn! I can't remember what DS1 was like at all!

I had PND with DS1 as well, and I really would like to be able to enjoy one of my babies!

The other night I felt so bad, and was so scared of going through it all again that I really didn't want to continue living. I didn't necessarily want to kill myself but I just felt like I couldn't do it again. I couldn't feel like this again.

I'm trying so hard not to cry infront of DS1 but it's so hard and I just want to be able to spend alone time with DH at night, because I really need him right now, and DS1 is making that impossible because he has for some reason decided he doesn't want to go to sleep at night!

I guess I'm just posting here because there are people who understand. I have so much guilt, and I hate myself for putting DH through this again. He is so good to me, and he does so much and now I feel like I've just put more on his shoulders and I don't know how much more he can take!

It's complicated.
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#2 of 13 Old 06-02-2008, 09:31 AM
 
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yep, yep & yep.

sounds like me just a bit ago (ds2 is 8 weeks today).

what helped me, really, was going on zoloft. really, and it took about three weeks, too. oh, and getting sleep. i don't know how i scored this pot of gold, but dh is doing Soren's overnight feeding.

so, the sleep & meds are what helped. i was crying all the time and moping around like my life was over. i was jealous of everyone else in the world and would look outside my window and just wish i was anyone else out there.

i'd even encapsulated my placenta and taken the caps -- didn't help so much.

i'm not sure how you feel about medication, but i highly recommend it.

i DO understand what you're going through and yes, it'll get better, but i don't mean to annoy you or discount your feelings by saying, "oh, it'll get better." b/c sometimes you need a little help.
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#3 of 13 Old 06-02-2008, 09:55 AM
 
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definitely talk to your doctor and consider medication. it really is making a difference for me. i wish i hadn't waited to long to try zoloft (DD is a year old!).

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#4 of 13 Old 06-02-2008, 10:36 AM
 
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If you had ppd with one, you are much more likely to have it again. I would get to the doctor asap. your symptoms certainly do sound like ppd.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#5 of 13 Old 06-03-2008, 05:32 PM
 
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maybe you just need to go through the crying, let it out, go through the boo hoos. is crying in front of your son so bad?
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#6 of 13 Old 06-08-2008, 09:20 AM
 
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how are you?

(also, if i cry in front of ds1 he really freaks out -- he's extra-super sensitive, though. i'm not against crying in front of your kids -- we're all human and they should know how we go through things, too, but MY ds1 gets really upset and stressed out about it ... maybe hers does, too.)
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#7 of 13 Old 06-08-2008, 11:26 AM
 
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Crying in front of her son is hardly her only issue. I hate it when PPD is made light of like that, like oh just get out the tears and you will feel all better. It's just not so, and minimizing what she is going through only makes her feel worse.

I really hope you do find the help you are looking for, OP. Try going to www.postpartum.net for help and referrals. And don't let anyone make light of how you are feeling. You should at the very least speak to a therapist familiar with PPD.

Best wishes.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  
 

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#8 of 13 Old 06-08-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post
I keep thinking that maybe we shouldn't have had him. I don't think I can handle the sleepless nights and having a totally dependent baby again. DS1 was just getting to a place where he was becoming more independent and it was good.
This sounds like exactly what went through my head w/ds2 (he was unplanned).
Would you feel better if you weren't (mostly) the sole caretaker for your newborn? If you can stretch your finances at all, get a doula for as many hours as you can afford in these first few weeks. If you are bfing, some are even certified LCs. We women weren't meant to just take care of our kids on our own. It takes a village! (But our society doesn't seem to pay much attention to that)


BTW, I'm not implying anything about taking or not taking meds.
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#9 of 13 Old 06-08-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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I also would highly recommend a therapist who specializes in PPD, go to Postpartum Support International for referrals, AND a postpartum doula (I am one!). Hope you feel better soon mama!

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#10 of 13 Old 06-12-2008, 09:12 PM
 
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Yeah, I am pretty much in the same boat. DS1 born Jan 2005. DS2 born 13 days ago. DS1's behavior seems "demonizing" at times and my parenting skills seem to have gone out the window. I feel alone. Today I talked to DH about it and he was very consoling. Dealing with DS1 is proving to be exacerbating. Off to the Discipline Boards!
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#11 of 13 Old 06-12-2008, 10:38 PM
 
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Quote:
I just want to be able to spend alone time with DH at night, because I really need him right now, and DS1 is making that impossible because he has for some reason decided he doesn't want to go to sleep at night!

I guess I'm just posting here because there are people who understand. I have so much guilt, and I hate myself for putting DH through this again. He is so good to me, and he does so much and now I feel like I've just put more on his shoulders and I don't know how much more he can take!
This sounds so much like what I am going thru, that I just had to reply and send you

Our DS is 2.5 wks old, and arrived after 2 mc's. He is much loved, and wanted, but, like you, I wonder if I have loaded my family with too much by having a 2nd child. The economy is bad, and my husband's work is S-L-O-W (he is a general contractor). I sleep with the baby in his room, so hubby can sleep well, I didn;t see the point in both of us being sleep deprived. But, it's backfiring. I miss being in my husbands arms at night, and I feel strangely "left out" when it is DH reading our oldest her stories at night and putting her to bed

All these thoughts have been running thru my head, and I cry a lot. So - since I had PPD with #1, I was pretty much in tune with the signs, and I have already had one appt with a therapist. If I have to go on meds, I will, but for now, I am going to do the therapy and see where that leads.

I am so glad you posted. Like you, I have found so much comfort in these boards, and it helps so much to know we are not alone

Keep us posted, we are all on this journey together, and I will be praying for you. I will think of you especially when I am alone, awake in the dark with DS at 2 or 3am, knowing perhaps that you are doing the same. So, that way we can know "we are not alone".

God bless - and keep us posted on how you are doing - we care!!

Wife to Hank , Mommy to Gabriella 6.5 yrs Anthony 28 monthsand 3 angels wait for me in Heaven Praying to be a Proverbs 31 woman!!
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#12 of 13 Old 06-16-2008, 07:02 PM
 
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My ds is 2 weeks old, and I"m feeling just about the same.

I highly recommend checking out the book Mother Nurture by Rick and Jan Hanson.
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#13 of 13 Old 06-16-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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Oh mama I felt the same way. All I had was rescue rememdy and dh for about 2 months. I went to a counselor and they couldn't get me in for 2 months and I honestly regretted having ds. What really did it for me was progesterone cream. I seemed like it worked overnight. I cannot recommend it enough, maybe it could help for you as well?

It will get better
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