I understand what you mean. I think a larger problem than PPD for us has just been becoming parents. My husband loves my daughter so much, and is pro-AP, but there is an undercurrent that pops up here and there of him wanting me to pay more attention to him or do more just with him. Maybe his desires are more appropriate than I think, but I often feel like he doesn't "get it" -- we are parents now and that means that things are just different. It is hard work being a parent but it doesn't get to me the way it does him. Which I think is interesting, because he goes off to work just like he always did. I feel like I'm the one who has done most of the self-sacrificing. But then, his parents are bizarre and dysfunctional, so perhaps he just didn't get any kind of role modelling about how life with kids is different but not bad.
Ever since I started therapy and especially since I started taking anti-depressants, I recognize all these things I think my DH should "work on" in therapy. I did suggest couples therapy because I feel like our foundation isn't as strong as it should be, and we've been going, but I don't feel like we're improving much yet. Even if we start to feel positive, one negative or misunderstood remark makes both our tempers flare and we're back to being irritated at one another. I've never seriously considered divorce, but I've semi-considered it a few times, thinking I might as well be on my own if all we're going to do is fight. I'd really like to get along. Just don't know how. We're both so stubborn and defensive...doesn't make it easy.