PPD and marriage? - Mothering Forums
Postpartum Depression > PPD and marriage?
Softmama's Avatar Softmama 04:27 PM 11-08-2003
Has anyone who survived PPD come through it with an intact marriage? I feel like mine is falling apart. I feel like I am losing my mind...one day I love dh with all my heart and feel so lucky to have found him etc, and the next I am trying to figure out how to get references for a good divorce lawyer and planning where I will go when I leave him. We haven't been married very long (only 3 1/2 years) and I just think this PPD may be more than we are ready to handle as a couple. Has anyone else experienced this?

Gemini's Avatar Gemini 04:39 PM 11-08-2003
I felt like that a few times, and to be honest, on my bad days still do. I found when I actively started to take charge of the depression by calling my doc for a script and setting up an appointment with a counselor, did things really start looking up. Open communication is a must!! We still struggle with this, but are getting much better.

Good luck to you.
Softmama's Avatar Softmama 08:18 PM 11-08-2003
Thanks for you response. I guess I am just really frustrated. I have been on an antidepressant and in counseling for about 2 months now. Right when I started taking the meds and going to therapy things started to go really well. But now it seems like a "relapse". Though not with ds which is weird. I LOVE my two ds' but at the moment HATE dh. So maybe I am just redirecting all this @#$%. I guess this will be a good thing to discuss at my next therapy appointment
It's just kind of hard to figure out what is legitimate. I feel like I am "crazy" and maybe getting mad about things that I shouldn't be. Hard for me to tell if I am just overreacting. So I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am trying to be as rational as possible.
EllasMama's Avatar EllasMama 11:54 PM 11-08-2003
I understand what you mean. I think a larger problem than PPD for us has just been becoming parents. My husband loves my daughter so much, and is pro-AP, but there is an undercurrent that pops up here and there of him wanting me to pay more attention to him or do more just with him. Maybe his desires are more appropriate than I think, but I often feel like he doesn't "get it" -- we are parents now and that means that things are just different. It is hard work being a parent but it doesn't get to me the way it does him. Which I think is interesting, because he goes off to work just like he always did. I feel like I'm the one who has done most of the self-sacrificing. But then, his parents are bizarre and dysfunctional, so perhaps he just didn't get any kind of role modelling about how life with kids is different but not bad.

Ever since I started therapy and especially since I started taking anti-depressants, I recognize all these things I think my DH should "work on" in therapy. I did suggest couples therapy because I feel like our foundation isn't as strong as it should be, and we've been going, but I don't feel like we're improving much yet. Even if we start to feel positive, one negative or misunderstood remark makes both our tempers flare and we're back to being irritated at one another. I've never seriously considered divorce, but I've semi-considered it a few times, thinking I might as well be on my own if all we're going to do is fight. I'd really like to get along. Just don't know how. We're both so stubborn and defensive...doesn't make it easy.