I just need to talk for a minute.
With Ds (1) I had ppd, the first few weeks I felt like I was holding it together, literally doing everything I could to keep it together. Then he was diagnosed with a near fatal liver problem, and I lost it. I totally blamed myself and the way I gave birth (the birth wasn't related, but it didn't go the way I wanted and in my hormonal state I felt that if I had birthed "correctly" he would have been fine), I feel that I really suffered more from post tramatic stress rather than depression. The birth wasn't going well, and I couldn't say at least I had a healthy baby so it didn't matter. I'm now a big believer in the birth experience being extremely important.
Fast forward to dd (2) we did everything we could to make her birth perfect, and it was. This week I got a call from the midwife saying that one of my screens for my 6 week pp came back abnormal. She and dh are convinced that it's a lab error or another problem ( I was/am still bleeding from birth). However now I'm totally doubting everything again. I don't know why but I tend to relate things to the birth. I'm now worried that I might have hurt dd in some way, or that if I had birthed better...... I don't want this one stupid test, that we all know is some stupid error to ruin my great birth. But this last week I've been so nervous and freaked out I feel like everything is falling apart. I'm worried that even after this scare is over I won't be back to my normal self. I've been feeling so great since she's been born, I've been so relived that I haven't been the total wreck that I was after ds.
I don't want to second guess her great birth and pick it apart to should have, would haves and end up like I was with her brother.
I'm not sure what I need to do, I'm just losing it, and I go back to work in a few weeks and don't want my last few weeks at home with her clouded with all this sadness and worry.
Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to