This roller coaster of your love has had many ups and downs,
Three years we've fought the voices in your mind.
You've been away for up to three weeks at a time
Trying to get better, to heal, to overcome.
Each time you lost a little more - as have we.
But we have lost *you*.
Bits and pieces of you that you gave up along the way;
your laugh, your real smile. Not that fake one that says, "look, I'm okay".
You also lose things we can't touch - hope, trust, the will to keep trying.
And now you've gone farther than I ever imagined possible.
We've fought for you, for us, for three long years, but how do we come back from this?
How can I trust again? Can I? Should I?
I want to so badly. Am I to give up nearly thirteen years because of one horrible night?
Do you know how hard this is? Do you even care?
I have no idea how to do this.
Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one