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11-15-2009, 03:35 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: in the Golan Mountains
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so, i have been writing seriously lately and i am looking to improve and to ultimately to publish. I have 2 "completed" poems right now and a story with which i am not sure where to go.
would you mind looking over them and giving constructive feedback? it has been many years since i have workshopped any of my writing.
(just to clarify, even if i don't publish these works, I would eventually like to write for puiblication.)
For now, here are the poems, thanks. -gila
The L.O.V.E. Club
Are you in the L.O.V.E. club?
It meets at my house.
After they leave or go to sleep.
I come to every meeting.
Sometimes he comes too.
I am really happy when he comes.
He is the reason I joined the club,
I thought maybe we could get to know each other better.
Maybe we would get along.
Maybe it might lead to something.
But usually he is too tired or has work or is in a bad mood.
Whenever I am on my way to a meeting,
I cross my fingers and quiver with a skip-in-my-step hope,
that he is gonna be there this time.
Because then, the L.O.V.E. club would totally start to take off.
But for now…
He is asleep on the couch.
I think he forgot about the club meeting.
When I look down…
at my shoulder, I want to see
your hand wrapped around it,
deep with wrinkles because many years
have passed since people asked me
was I with that young man?
and I want to see the sun shining
on white hairs covering your knuckles.
Because I like the sun and we are standing
in the garden that we have planted,
amongst the flowers that have bloomed in soil
rich with years
of work and love and tears.
When I look up…
to heaven, I want to thank G!D
for you, because you have taught me
a lot about life and love and about myself.
because without you, I wouldn’t have them
and they are the best thing
that ever happened to me.
and because I just like you
and you make me happy and you are fun and you care.