Week 10 Feedback and Questions - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 12-15-2004, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 18 Old 12-16-2004, 03:04 PM
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If anyone read my post called Sisters' Day on the week 10 thread, this is what I'm looking for:

It's sort of choppy, because Sue is sort of choppy. That isn't the clearest thing I've ever said, but is it too choppy? Is there enough detail, enough depth? Do you feel like you know Sue a little when it's done?

Is it disrespectful to the adult receptionist to mention that she looked JUST like Delores Claiborne? Heck, it was a real take-a-step-back resemblance!

I'm not happy with the ending. It's abrupt and doesn't say what I'd like. I'm not really looking for an answer for that, i guess, just commiseration.

Ah, I wish you all could have been there.

Also, I think I'd like to try and publish this, but I'm not sure of where? Do you think it could go in a womens' magazine? If I could have been a bit more AP and GD, I'd try to convince Mothering!

Any advice is welcome.
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#3 of 18 Old 12-17-2004, 03:15 AM
 
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Yes, it was choppy... but I think that made the point. At the end when you mentioned the irony of being so sad at being alone and yet so relieved, I totally understood. And the ending is really great. I don't know what you meant to say, but everything you said wasn't expected and yet fit so perfectly.

BTW... the story felt like you were really her sister and loved her the way a sister would--devoted to her but simultaneously being annoyed and embarrassed sometimes!

I really liked it. There are a few women's magazines that publish pieces like this... just general stories that don't have a point exactly. I wish I could remember where I used to find them. Family Circle? Woman's Day, maybe? I can't quite remember... but I'd check there for general interest pieces.

I read the entire thing. DS's godfather has a mentally handicapped sister who just turned 30 (and a Special Olympics medal winner as well). I've met her maybe 3 times and she was relatively docile--but I can completely picture your story...

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
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#4 of 18 Old 12-17-2004, 03:30 AM
 
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Feedback welcome on mine. It doesn't even remotely convey all that I feel this year has meant...

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
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#5 of 18 Old 12-17-2004, 08:14 AM
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She is really my sister! And 'docile' is not a word that will ever be used with her. It's a true story of just last week.

It's been a busy year for you! So much is said in that short piece, so many events both happy and sad. I esp liked the "end of an end and beginning of a beginning".
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#6 of 18 Old 12-20-2004, 05:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Red
I esp liked the "end of an end and beginning of a beginning".
Thanks! I need to go back and copy my writings into a Word doc so I have a copy!

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
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#7 of 18 Old 12-28-2004, 10:02 PM
 
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how are things coming for everyone?

I am stuck in a bad mode here. HAving a hard time of getting excited about this writing Journey after the Holiday ****. Any one else?
What tyoes of things do you do to get you going again?

P.S~ Red, HUGE to you mama!!!! I am SO glad he is OK now!!!
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#8 of 18 Old 12-28-2004, 11:31 PM
 
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Ug, I haven't even written my dd's I year birthday letter yet.................I think I'm procrastinating in the futile hope that she isn't really a year old until I write the letter.........I need assignments to get me back on track I think, I've missed the group and I'm looking forward to starting up again.
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#9 of 18 Old 12-29-2004, 06:38 AM
 
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Well, I know that I am starting late, but I am here and ready to get going as soon as the next assignments are posted. I have read a few of the weeks' entries, but I have not even come close to reading them all. I did start doing the assignments and have completed almost all of week one so far, but I am just totally stuck on week two. Apparently I am having a major bout of writer's block when it comes to those, because when I cannot write about a certain topic (like nothing comes to mind) I just write about something else. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad to me, just so long as I keep writing. I have been doing that and I keep coming back to the second week's assignments and nothing. I feel like a dry well. Hopefully, I will bust out of that soon! Well, I need to go for now. Housework awaits! (Yes, I sometimes do my housework at 3 or 4 am...husband and kids are asleep...seems like an ideal time to do it actually)
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#10 of 18 Old 01-05-2005, 12:05 AM
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I AM JONESING! I NEED an assignment or just for MORE people to do assignments.

WHERE is Tanya?????

Charmarty
Quote:
P.S~ Red, HUGE to you mama!!!! I am SO glad he is OK now!!!
Thanks! We're overjoyed! And the draft won't take him, so there's the silver lining.
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#11 of 18 Old 01-05-2005, 01:49 AM
 
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Silver lining indeed~!

I understand your angst.(is that even a real word?) I can't wait to start a fresh new page for 2005.



Blessings
Char
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#12 of 18 Old 01-05-2005, 05:59 PM
 
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I would like to thank all of you for all of your inspiring stories and support of each other. My name is Jodee, I am a mother of three ( Solomon 6, Serena 4, Skyla 22 months ), and I have been following posts and assignments since week 6. For a long time my account was not activated, now it is yet I am still unsure how to submit posts. I keep receiving the pop-up that I'm not allowed to post! Please help. Much love, keep up all of the great writing!
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#13 of 18 Old 01-06-2005, 12:08 PM
 
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hey mamas, i'm back from the holiday "tour"--...i miss our weekly sessions too...and i'm super bummed about the possibility of another moderator? and why did we get buried down here in natural family living???

lavender, your last post was a great read. i just finished natalie goldberg's new book, and of course, could not help but draw some comparisons. i love reading about the zen world--it fascinates me. on a personal note, i admire what you are doing. from a reader's perspective, it was well written, and flowed well.
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#14 of 18 Old 01-06-2005, 12:14 PM
 
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hey joro--you are now posting...you must have figured it out??? just post as you posted...i was confused at first, too! welcome to our group.
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#15 of 18 Old 01-06-2005, 12:52 PM
 
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Thank you, zenfulmama.

I also miss being at the top of the stack as now I have to scroll past distractions...they are trying to lead me astray, I know it!
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#16 of 18 Old 01-06-2005, 04:07 PM
 
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I know it's taken me some time to get back to you with feedback, but here goes. I read your story right away and I've been thinking about it a lot. Your characters have really stuck with me, and so, to answer your question, yes, there is enough depth to them, especially Sue.

I don't think it's disrespectful at all to say the receptionist looked like Dolores Claiborne, but it would have been disrespectful to say her personality was that of Dolores Claiborne, which you didn't do at all. However, the fact that she looked like her causes the reader to wonder about her personality as well, which is interesting, but not the same. So, it worked for me!

As far as choppy goes...it seemed very moment to moment, definitely, but fit well, and at the same time seemed quick-flowing, like a whirlwind.

I am confused as to why you didn't like the ending. It was a bit abrupt, but I liked it that way. Unless there is more that needs to be said, I wouldn't change it.

Thank you for sharing your story.
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#17 of 18 Old 01-11-2005, 08:44 AM
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ooh, Lavendar, thanks!

I like moment to moment much better than choppy! Sue IS like a whirlwind, quick moving. If it came through, I feel successful.

I felt the ending was a bit flat.

Welcome to the new folk!


Zenful, I reaad about your success! Congrats! I want to read the article.
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#18 of 18 Old 01-11-2005, 01:19 PM
 
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hey red, you wrote, "Then there's stuff like my son's cancer that I need to purge from my soul, without depressing my husband. I need somewhere safe to spill my horror, somewhere that it will be understood, that folks will know that even though he's fine now, my mothering heart was kicked and beaten and needs to spill and purge it's load of poison and pain."

My neighbor across the street has a 17 month old with leukemia. She called this morning and said, "you know sometimes when you just beat your head against the wall a little too hard...?" I just smiled and said, "yeah...". thank god that i haven't felt that way in a long long time.

hopefully, you will read the article this year. i'm having a bit of trouble with two small children running about (3 & 1). I really do hope the "channelling" thing works . Also, I have no deadline, and my discipline/practice needs to kick in NOW.
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