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#31 of 36 Old 02-15-2005, 03:10 AM
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Has fate, with it's double edged sword, brought me back to reason?
Have I lain in wait to long to be thought of anything but treason?

My mother's milk lay dormant, I have nothing left to give.
Oh how I ache, and crave and humbly hope that she will see that I exist.

Cold my hands have become without her nestled there.
Heart throbbing, lap empty as I caress her teddy bear.

I do remember a time, when time was all we had
And for what I have been given I can only be but glad.

Days of soft splender through rows of corn we ran,
Dipping our feet in the sea while sitting in the wet, cold sand.

Memories come crashing back, like waves of days gone by.
I clearly see her as she waves her hand goodbye.

I try to stop the tears, to stop the ache I feel,
But nothing that I have or hold can ever I keep concealed.

My thoughts are all 'if onlys' my mind cannot replace,
As I sit and rock this empty lap, I am full of mere disgrace.

Lost in a world I cannot hide from, but dying to escape,
I feel a cold dark nothing creep across my nape.

Then, as if suddenly, like a blast from a quick spring air,
I see a slight resemblance, perhaps it's in her hair.

A smile I see, and then I know, she has come to take me home.
My love, my life has found me in my dark and dismal hole.

She touches my hair, caresses my cheek, and takes me by the hand.
A whisper is all I need to here and I am on my feet at last.

I lift my eyes and yes it's true she does know I exist.
My daughter has returned to me and in this I feel bliss.
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#32 of 36 Old 02-15-2005, 03:32 AM
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Was the day I left for North Carolina from Oregon. I was in May, warm and sunny. He looked sad, perhaps disappointed, that his flighty, freespirited daughter was on the move again. Before I got in my car for the last time in Oregon, I looked up to see his tear-filled eyes, and my heart broke.

Six years later I had still not returned home, as money had been tight. I went from living with a man I thought I loved, and who I thought loved me in return, to living with a friend and making internet romance again. Then to moving in with my future husband, and making a baby. It was only months later that we wed. I was sorry that he could not come.

Three years earlier he became ill. His chest and legs began to hurt, and then his hands. He had arthritis, and a muscle-deteriorating disease, that took him bit by bit. Talking about the last time I saw him isn't what hurts, what rips at my insides, what crushes me and makes it unbearable to take a breath, no, that is not what hurts. It's our last phone call, a month before his death that keeps the wound fresh.

He called and asked that i come home for Thanksgiving. I can't say that his voice held any urgency, or that there was a need for me to return quickly. Thanksgiving afterall, was a month away. I said I would try, he said, good. We talked about the weather, about our car(he was a mechanic) and about my daughter, his granddaughter. We talked about my husband and how he thought I could probably kick his butt(he always wanted me to be the tough one, like him), and we talked about being sick. He fell into a little dementia and argued with my mother about a car he had for me, that she said was sold already. Because he had not been out of his bed in a year, he did not believe it. He KNEW the car was in the garage in the backyard. I could hear that he was genuinely upset with her for lying to him,and it then that he cried and begged me to come home and take care of him. Oh, how I longed for our missed relationship, the one we never had, or the one I wanted and thought we never had. Perhaps if I had not been wanting such a perfect thing I may have enjoyed the one thing we had, that now I cannot recall.

He sobbered up and we talked of lighter things, the car again forgotten. He tired easily then and so we began to say our goodbyes. I said, "I love you dad" and he said, "I love you too babe" and I said goodbye and hung up the phone.

I can happily say, I have no regrets about my fathers death as we parted on a high note. My father said he loved me, and that is worth a lifetime of happiness.
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#33 of 36 Old 02-26-2005, 03:40 PM
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Thank yo so much for this opportunity to share my love for, and desire to learn , writing! This is my first time here, and my firtst assignment, so I hope I am doing this correctly! I will, indeed, complete this by week's end!

Thank You so much
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#34 of 36 Old 03-15-2005, 03:59 PM
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Yesterday seemd so blissful. The text books lay on the yellowish peeling desk and the soccer cleats settled in the corner of the closet, knowing this was not a hibernation, but a permanent burial. The first 100 miles headed west were perfect. Road signs were the cheerleaders of my adult life. The reflective green and white uniforms with mileage numbers glistening like pom-poms. We had a map and no plan. Homemaking was finding a flat surface for our Coleman stove and responsibility only came when the gas tank was empty. I left small bits of my childhood at each state we passed. The Pacific brought sun and love and music and freedom and also loss and hunger and broken hearts. The vultures above must have missed the crumbs I'd left, because the trail remained strong for many years until it lead me home again, until the blissful years of yesterdays seemed too tiresome and heavy. It's funny how memories sometimes can only wear smiles, the future can always wear hope and the present gets lost in between.

I wrote this as a free write and it didn't make sense (well still doesn't) but I liked it a lot so it has been a base for a more substantial writing. Thanks for the assignment! I'll try to post what it turns into later and maybe get some feedback!
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#35 of 36 Old 03-15-2005, 06:52 PM
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I'm new - wrote a piece above.

spacedog - beautiful and emotional , loved it!

Question of where to post questions?

In case here is a good spot:
I'm leading a small journal writing class at my daughter's school (for adults) Anybody done that or have any tips for me - I've never lead or taught ANYTHING! :
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#36 of 36 Old 06-10-2005, 11:46 PM
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I'm new here and soooo happy that there is a forum for us craazy writers~~~~~~~Too tired to post anything now, i hope i will be able to soon.

Thank you whoever started this


                                Whatever will be, already is...
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