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#1 of 14 Old 05-06-2006, 07:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Here is the place to post your work, finished, or in progress. Have fun and ask for feedback if you want it

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#2 of 14 Old 05-06-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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The precious life within me that has given me hope, strength and love...is so close and yet so far. My body contracts and tenses...fully present in my body,,,in my pain, unable to connect with my bodies rhythms, with my spirit and with my baby. So alone,,,so unknown. Feeling empty,,,feeling helpless. I do as I believe I should...feeling and treated as if I have no say...left to myself- to my own pain in a numb, lost and lonely state.....becoming more lost as the hours pass. the father and grandfather sit by...helpless,,,nurses in and out with indifference to their sister, laying lost, in pain on her back, strapped to monitors...I lay there more than a day, seemingly endless shifts of nurses in and out with no kind words only to strap me in, poke me or fingers to painfully reach inside of me over and over until my footling breech is realized. I was wisked away...told I had no choice...felt an intense fear...numb and sick I saw my baby,,,felt no joy, only emptiness. As I awoke and looked over to see my tiny and tired angel looking over at me,,,our eyes immediately met and we connected...the interventions and surgical removal of her from my womb did not stop our connection...so many hours later, I held her and fell in love,,,we nursed and slept peacefully, together again, I found my mama instincts and walked, bruised, but not broken out of that hospital with my baby in my arms.

****

I wrote this last night,,,I was tapped into what I felt during my birth and was able to put into words what I felt which many times I dont feel very adept at...feedback would be welcomed, I would like write more and improve my writing, thank you.

eta~this is the truth of my birth experience and as the mama I am now I feel saddened that I was so helpless at my own birth,,,I dont blame anyone...it has empowered me to become stronger and find my calling.

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#3 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I could really feel that. I think you conveyed the emptiness and impotence really well. I'm glad that it has empowered you . I just want to give you a big ((((hug))))

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#4 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 12:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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BTW Mystic, let us know what your new user name is (if you can~~I won't ask~~~PM me )

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#5 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 01:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelovedK
BTW Mystic, let us know what your new user name is (if you can~~I won't ask~~~PM me )
was actually waiting to get it switched back

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#6 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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a small question... I am working on a piece for submission to a local womens publication, would it be alright if I posted my work in progress, for feedback?
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#7 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Absolutely...it is welcomed, just clearly ask for the kind of feedback you wish to recieve.

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#8 of 14 Old 05-09-2006, 09:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mystic~mama
The precious life within me has given me hope, strength and love.
It is so close and yet so far. My body contracts and tenses, fully present in my pain, unable to connect with my bodies rhythms, with my spirit and with my baby. So alone, so unknown. Feeling empty and helpless. I do as I believe I should, treated as if I have no say, left to myself, to my own pain, in a numb, lost and lonely state. I am becoming more lost as the hours pass. The father and grandfather sit by, helpless. Nurses in and out with indifference to their sister, laying lost, in pain on her back, strapped to monitors. I lay there more than a day, as seemingly endless shifts of nurses are in and out with no kind words only to strap me in, poke at me with fingers to painfully reach inside of me over and over until my footling breech is realized. I was wisked away, told I had no choice, felt an intense fear, numb and sick I saw my baby, felt no joy, only emptiness. As I awoke and saw my tiny and tired angel looking over at me, our eyes immediately met and we connected. The interventions and surgical removal of her from my womb did not stop our connection so many hours later. I held her and fell in love; we nursed and slept peacefully. Together again, I found my mama instincts and walked, bruised, but not broken, out of that hospital with my baby in my arms.
****
I thought that was wonderul. Above I have made some adjustments/edits that affect the rhythm or simply where a word (feeling, body) was repeated too much. I hope you do not mind. I used to love it when people would do this for my work in creative writing classes. You may want to read it aloud as above and see what you think.
I am impressed that you could tap into those emotions so long after your experience.
I have bolded those parts which I think are simply beautiful and perfect.
Good work. Really, I thought that was quite powerful.

ps. this is my first post, so i hope i haven't committed any faux pas. please feel free to let me know if i have.

Jennie Young

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#9 of 14 Old 05-10-2006, 02:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniey
I thought that was wonderul. Above I have made some adjustments/edits that affect the rhythm or simply where a word (feeling, body) was repeated too much. I hope you do not mind. I used to love it when people would do this for my work in creative writing classes. You may want to read it aloud as above and see what you think.
I am impressed that you could tap into those emotions so long after your experience.
I have bolded those parts which I think are simply beautiful and perfect.
Good work. Really, I thought that was quite powerful.

ps. this is my first post, so i hope i haven't committed any faux pas. please feel free to let me know if i have.
thank you jenniey,,,i appreciate the input very much and feel it has a smoother rhythm now...I wasnt sure what would happen if I asked for feedback,,,I am now glad I did I did tap so deeply into the emotions from that experience that still I have not fully let go of, this did help and I plan to tap and work further on this.. blessings~~

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#10 of 14 Old 05-12-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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bruised not broken~

This precious life within me has brought hope, strength and love. She is so close yet so far. My body contracts and tenses, fully present in my pain, unable to connect with my bodies rhythms, my spirit and my baby. Feeling helpless and alone. I do as I believe I should, treated as if I have no say, left to myself, to my own pain, in a lost state that grows as the hours pass. The father and grandfather sit by, helpless. Nurses in and out with indifference to their sister, laying lost and in pain on her back, strapped to monitors. I lay there more than a day, as seemingly endless shifts of nurses are in and out with no kind words only to strap me in, poke at me with fingers to painfully reach inside of me over and over until my footling breech is realized. I was wisked away, told I had no choice, felt an intense fear, sick and shaking I saw my baby, felt no joy, only a empty confusion. As I awoke and saw my tiny and tired angel looking over at me, our eyes immediately met and we connected. The interventions and surgical removal of her from my womb did not stop our connection so many hours later. I held her and fell in love; we nursed and slept peacefully. Together again, I found my mama instincts and walked, bruised, but not broken, out of that hospital with my baby in my arms.


not sure I want to leave the father and grandfather line or if I want to add how that made me feel having one laying there sleeping and the other sitting there not knowing what to do ? any thoughts are welcome.

I added a title and took out some words also feeling like adding a second paragraph about the intense love and happiness I felt once she was in my care

eta~ I've been writing more today, thought I would share~

Bruised Not Broken~

This precious life within
has given me hope,
strength and love
so close and yet so far.
My body contracts and tenses...
so aware of my pain
unable to connect with its purpose
and my own rhythms
out of touch with my spirit.
Feeling alone among others
doing as I believe I should
left to myself,,,lost in my pain
more lost as the hours pass.
a flow of nurses in and out
feeling no sisterhood, no support.
The sun sets and rises once more
still strapped in and more fingers painfully
reach inside me until my footling breech
is realized and I am wisked away
there is no choice in what happens next.
huge bright lights and intense fear, the
words spoken to me ripple away, meaningless,
tugging, tingling, sickness and numbness
met me as I become a mother, there
was no joy present. As I awoke
and instinctively look over
I see her laying there looking into my eyes
we connected and knew eachother...the surgical
removal of her from my womb did not weaken
our bond. So many hours later, I held her, nursed her
and was deeply in love. I found my mama instincts
when she was given back to me...and walked
bruised not broken out the doors with
her in my arms.

She's here
this tiny
sweet smelling
ethereal angel,
and she is mine.
I am a mother.
feeling pure bliss and joy.
My body is bruised,
it was a rough ride and I dont care.
all that matters now is this new life
our new life.
We sleep together
I feel as if I am complete with her next to me
at peace within this cacoon of warmth,
light and love flowing from this beautiful little creature
this gift I have been given.
My body is healing
my heart is opening,
loving and being loved.

~~~~

Four Years Later~

Births dance is calling me,
calling for a second try.

I am ready, a strong and wise womyn now.
My being and primal instincts long intensely
to ride the waves of my birth dance...
to open in body, mind and spirit,
opening like a magical flower
birthing and becoming one with the universe.

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#11 of 14 Old 05-13-2006, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love it, I can SO relate. I would leave out the father and grandfather line but I am a ruthless editor. What so others think?

I also had a C for my first and a natural VBAC with my second...I really felt the emotion in your poems. I'd write more but I am so tired




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#12 of 14 Old 05-14-2006, 12:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK
I love it, I can SO relate. I would leave out the father and grandfather line but I am a ruthless editor. What so others think?

I also had a C for my first and a natural VBAC with my second...I really felt the emotion in your poems. I'd write more but I am so tired



i agree on that line,,,it doesnt seem to bring anything, I'm losing it

thx for the input kelly...that is really wonderful you went on the have a natural vbac,,,part of me really wants that and there are some fears also...although, where I am right now is not at a point where I am thinking about actually ttc...trying to let myself feel what I'm feeling and let it be.

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#13 of 14 Old 05-14-2006, 01:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mystic~mama
.trying to let myself feel what I'm feeling and let it be.
That is the healthiest thing you can do. The whole story about my second birthing experience compared to the first is convoluted and definately good material for writing. I had to be in the hospital for 'political reasons' and there were so many factors working against my desired homebirth, there was grief there also , just a different kind. Hey, I think it is time for me to start writing

I enjoy your writing, please keep posting

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#14 of 14 Old 05-15-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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A Day in the Life of a thousands Posts!

It began innocent enough. An itch.
An itch of curiosity at the top of the page of the Mothering Magazine web site.
DISCUS. Should I enter? What will I find?

The forums were intimidating at first.
Where do I begin?
On November 11, 2005 I started my adventures as a MotheringDotCommune addict.

Joining my ddc (due date club) was the best thing that could have happened to me. I made friends. I related. I bloomed like a flower in spring.
This is where I made my first friend. ColaradoAlice became the woman I looked forward to reading. She was just like me in so many ways. I valued her for being there.

I began to let my funny out. I loved to make my ddc friends laugh with threads titled “Am I on Mars or is my doctor &%*&*@ed in the head” and “Told my doc…Stay away from my anus”. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to brighten another person’s day with some humor.

My first crush (and not my last) began here too. MamaTaraX. First it was the way she wrote and the thoughtful thing she said. Then when I saw her beauty in a pregnancy photo I was blown away. In my own pregnancy I found myself dreaming of this beautiful woman. I even had to show her to my husband. And if fate would have it her twin showed up irl (in real life) at my door later that week to buy a puppy! I knew my connection to her was meant to be.

The last month of my pregnancy was very exiting on MDC. All my new friends were having babies too and man was it thrilling to read about everyone’s births’! I posted when I was thinking about labor. I posted when I thought I was in labor.
I posted when I really was in labor.
And I posted the next day when my newborn little son was only hours old!

From there I searched forums and read about peoples’ lives. I cried many tears for women who weren’t as fortunate as me to have healthy babies. I was moved by a dh (dear husband) looking for advice for his wife. I was informed on issues on raising children, home-schooling and childhood diseases. I was validated for my beliefs on immunization and circumcision. I was impressed with a young single dad finding answers for his little new-born daughter. I shed tears for women who lost their babies and had only the words from strangers to help them through their grief.

I connected in the queer parenting forum with others mommas who identified as queer and bisexual; an important part of my identity. Never before had I felt so plugged in to all aspects of my Self.

On March 24 I began to post in TAO (Talk amongst ourselves).
I jumped in with both feet into a conversation between Mamadawg and Hellokitty and I’ve never looked back.

Now let me say my journey so far has not always been easy. I had my feelings hurt many times. I tried to share a poem that became such a controversy it ultimately ended in a locked post. I became sensitive and felt like a child. I even thought of leaving and never coming back. This is where I began to realize that everyone wasn’t on the same side…even here in this seemingly close-knit community there were many people whom obviously did not care about someones’ feelings. That’s when a nice mod comes in handy. Jesilynne and BelovedK are my mod recommendations!
I soon realized that I was taking things way too personally. I would treat my on-line endeavors like a practice for real life.
Screw all the mean people and just have fun…be helpful…be yourself. Stick up for someone when you can. Ignore the flamers because it’s really not about you anyways…it’s their problem if they can’t quit nitpicking.
And so that’s what I’ve been trying to do.
Yah…I got “flamed” for giving my opinion a few times…but it was only my opinion.

There was a green goddess Greenie that I fell in love with. The flirting was out of control (and it’s really something that we’re not supposed to do on mdc either) (but how can one resist with so many lovely women correlating in one place!) She has been missing and I wonder every day where on earth did she go?

My latest craze has been with a hot, little vixen named ilovemy2ds. A contest to 1000 points! Now, no one can say I slept my way to the top…certainly not Cynthia Mosher or even BelovedK! But I did cheat my way with a little thread called The official boost your post count thread. Within this thread lies the ability to create over a hundred posts a day!!
And through this endeavor with ilovemy2ds we have made many friends along the way. Vamp127 and Synchro246! Mamadege5 and a curlyfry! Crazyred and Kymholly. And I should not forget about a reunion with none other than my first crush MamaTaraX! In a matter of days really…you can find it in your heart to love these people. Or at least I can.
I know one day I will meet this new friend of mine.Ilovemy2ds. I will wrap my arms around her and plant a kiss on her lips. I know deep in my heart that she is a forever friend. And how do I know this? You need only to look at her signature to know she feels the same for me.

So this is my thousandth post. You better watch out. Pinkmilk is a senior member now. You aint’ seen nothin’ yet!

chicken3.gifbelly.gifwow...i'm gonna have another one!!!
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