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#1 of 4 Old 11-27-2006, 03:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is the first time I've posted anything here. These are two poems I wrote yesterday and am still perfecting. Any feedback, positive or negative is appreciated. If you are going to criticise, please do it constructively and not rudely. Any suggestions, especially for a title for the first one, are welcome!

Untitled

On our ethereal plane
far away we fly,
drifting together
towards sweet dreams,
as you drink deeply
of mother's nectar,
and I breathe in
your calming sweetness.



A Mother's Lullaby
Hazel eyes meet mine
drooping with fatigue
shimmering with secrets
only known in youth.

Small fingers graze my face
velvet against my skin
exploring my features
with infancy's tender touch.

That peaceful expression
bathed in silver glow
soothes my tired soul
with a child's serenity.

Near silent suckling
and sighs of content
sing me to sleep--
this mother's lullaby.

Copyright © 2006 Heather Burke. All rights reserved.

fambedsingle2.gif Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3  uc.jpg  delayedvax.gif  nocirc.gif
Oh how I miss the days of femalesling.GIF  nak.gifcd.gif  
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#2 of 4 Old 11-27-2006, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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any comments? anyone?

fambedsingle2.gif Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3  uc.jpg  delayedvax.gif  nocirc.gif
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#3 of 4 Old 12-01-2006, 06:21 AM
 
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Ooooo, thanks for sharing those. I love both of them, and they totally just lifted my mood of general pissed-offedness. (I'm pms-ing in a major way.)

I LOVE the first one especially. It totally took me to the moment of nursing my babes off to sleep, including breathing in their luscious scent. Maybe "Sweet Dreams" for a title?

~Beth, mama to two amazing girls, ages 12 and 6~

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#4 of 4 Old 12-02-2006, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. I am glad you like it, and that does sound like a very fitting title!

fambedsingle2.gif Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3  uc.jpg  delayedvax.gif  nocirc.gif
Oh how I miss the days of femalesling.GIF  nak.gifcd.gif  
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