"In a state of disarray" - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 03-21-2007, 09:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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this is the first time i have posted anything of substance in this forum. i'm more than a bit nervous but i need to start this. . . please feel free to comment, ask questions, let me know what you think and offer suggestions

i'm sure this is jumbled but that's what disarray is about, right?

okay, breathing deeply before hitting "submit".







my mind struggles to wrap itself around the idea,
surrealism engulfs my life.
i am not me, my life is not my own.

you have become so distant and now i know why.
what are these voices and why are they tearing you apart?
can't you see i am here and i will not leave? they can no longer hurt you.
i want you to ignore them, i want you to believe me when i say "it is okay".

i hold your hand and talk to you but you cannot hear
your voices inside - that interior monologue - it eats you alive.
professionals look at you and see the disease.
i look at you and see the woman i love. my wife, my love, my life.

you have become a zombie,
even awake you are asleep to me.
i can't get through to you and the doctors don't have any hope to offer -
try this little pink pill, now this green.
take this with water, this with a meal.
don't go to sleep before taking this one and this one will make you too tired to function.

i scream inside.
where did i sign up for this?
"for better or for worse" - i meant it and i still do but my god this is hard!
i go to bed and cry myself to sleep.
i go to work in the morning and bring the baby - wear him even while he is asleep in hopes that being close to him will help me feel closer to you.
when i nurse him i see in his eyes that he knows something is wrong.
i cry inside but let no one see.

i am not me, my life is not my own.

Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one
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#2 of 11 Old 03-22-2007, 03:28 AM
 
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That's very good. The very heartwrenching, raw, powerful kind of good.
This line really got to me:
Quote:
wear him even while he is asleep in hopes that being close to him will help me feel closer to you.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
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#3 of 11 Old 03-22-2007, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks

Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one
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#4 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 12:13 AM
 
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I really enjoyed that. I wondered about the POV, did it switch from the husband to the wife near the end?

I can relate to your poem. Like unschoolnMa said...raw, powerful and heartwrenching. ITA

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#5 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I really enjoyed that. I wondered about the POV, did it switch from the husband to the wife near the end?

I can relate to your poem. Like unschoolnMa said...raw, powerful and heartwrenching. ITA

Nope, no switch of POV. My partner is a woman and so am I
We've been together for 11 years now and married since 1998

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#6 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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I can't believe that didn't occur to me...beautiful work I hope others comment and ask questions/ offer feedback.

I'd be glad to keep posting prompts. I wish I had the time to write again. (have you seen my list of forums???!?)

To all of those who have time...it would be fun if you'd try and find time to write something small. I think it's a blast to see things you've written quickly and not over edited

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#7 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 11:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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not a problem, don't worry about it
i also hope other people will offer feedback; it has been a LONG time since i wrote and i really want to get back into writing quality stuff but i need help with that in the feedback department :
i would also love it if someone kept sending prompts, when i wrote on my own i tend to write about the same things over and over
and i did notice your list of forums, how'd you get roped into that?!

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#8 of 11 Old 03-26-2007, 08:46 AM
 
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I'm just like that, I always take too much on

I'll keep posting prompts if you wish, I have a TON of them to draw from

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#9 of 11 Old 03-26-2007, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i'd love to see more prompts - if you have time to post them

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#10 of 11 Old 03-27-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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Its beautiful, hon. It must be hard to be so open and share such pain. I'm glad you are sharing, though, as its too much to keep to yourself.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#11 of 11 Old 03-27-2007, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks, megan. it is hard yes, but as you know me and the situation you also know that when i do talk about it . . . it hits the fan, shall we say

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