december writing prompt - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 12-10-2007, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi i am new to this. i hoep this is wher I Post what I have written. Thanks for this. I miss writing. =)

As the darkness comes I can feel the air growing crisp and cold. I know the snow is coming. When the stars start to twinkle and the wind picks up, the first juicy snowflakes start to tumble down to earth. I can feel them patting my cheeks, my nose. I loath my hat and mittens wanting to feel the cold, wanting to feel something. I desperately wish them off but they don’t budge. The snow is falling faster now. The flakes have become my food. I eagerly await them. Hoping and wishing them to come faster. All creatures big and small are inside their homes, encroached in warmth and love. I am alone. I am outside, cast away without another thought. Left to fend for myself against the animals that want to tear me down. The wind has picked up and carelessly tossed my insipid hat into the muddy dark puddle on the street. The snow comes. It comes by gusts and sighs, in the breeze and the calm in between. I embrace it. I let it fill me, let the cold seep into my very being. I know in the morning they will be back. To pat me and to put the hat back, to make sure I stay where they have put me. But for now I am calm. I am happy. For I am a snowman.

feedback, technical, clarity and I need some lovin (this is the first time i have written in a LONGG time)
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#2 of 2 Old 12-10-2007, 01:44 PM
 
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You've done a really great job. You create a very clear picture with your choice of words.

Things that I caught:
I think loathe is spelled thusly.
"But for now I am calm. I am happy." ~ my only thought was that was not the feeling that I was getting from the rest of the story. The feelings that your writing strongly evoked for me were lonliness, isolation, and a bit of resentment. I was surprised to have it end with him being happy.

I hope to get to this within the next few days too.
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