Looking for feedback on a few of my poems. - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 1 Old 04-06-2008, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
frontierpsych's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Where the other 4999 Bensoners are...
Posts: 6,397
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't written in a while, but I'm trying to get back into it.
I'd love some feedback on a few of my older poems!

Foolishly
Foolishly, I looked at you, and something touched me.
Foolishly, I wanted to know more.
Foolishly, I said hello. You smiled.
Foolishly, I stood by and said nothing more.
Foolishly, I let it all go.
Foolishly, I went on with my life, and forgot all about you.
Foolishly, I found you again. You were beautiful.
Foolishly, I wished I could have you.
Foolishly, I smiled. You said hello.
Foolishly, I continued talking. You intrigued me.
Foolishly, I could not get you out of my head.
Foolishly, I kept going back. You were my addiction.
Foolishly, I told you how I felt, knowing you didn't feel the same.
Foolishly, I kept my hopes up, though I knew it wasn't meant to be.
Foolishly, I believed those things you told me, just to be sweet.
Foolishly, I realized how foolish I was being. I'd given up my chance long ago.
Foolishly, I cried.


Next Beautiful Day
My heart must starve to feel itself beat
My eyes are always closed
The paint on my eyelids is starting to itch
But I'm the only one who knows.
My bleeding is superficial
I'm screaming silently
As gentle as I sleep tonight
I will wake again so violently.
I've never forgotten, I will never forget
The time I nearly left this world
It was a bittersweet and peaceful descent
And yet I find it so absurd.
Would it be such a terrible thing?
To see the ones I love again?
But I know that now is not my time
So I'm holding on till the end.
The colour in my cheeks has faded
I prick my fingers to make them blush
Life and love is overrated
Not forever, just a rush
Braid my hair, apply mascara
put me in a pleasent dress
Tell me I am beautiful
Because you know I'm such a mess.
Pierce me, dye me, singe my skin
Call me anything tonight
For one day I will wake again
And everything will be alright
The flowers will bloom and smell so sweet
The birds will sing, the children will play
So let me sleep in agony
Until the next beautiful day.


Until
I should have loved you
I should have been a better friend
but I won't love anyone
Until I smile again
I should have taken that call
I should have seen the end
The end won't come
Until I cry again
I should have known it all along
I should have looked around the bend
But I won't know anything
Until I try again
I should have faked a smile
I should have had a heart to mend
But my heart is broken
Until we meet again


Things Turned Sour
I miss the things that make me vain
I don't miss the hunger or the pain
I miss the compliments, the disbelief
I don't miss waking in a cold sweat from my sleep
I miss the games, the force of will
I don't miss the misery, but still
I miss the fashion, the admiring looks
I don't miss the force and the effort it took
I miss how the numbers slowly declined
I don't miss it being the thing on my mind
I miss the discipline, the percieved power
I don't miss the day when things turned sour.


Here
When times get tough,
I just let go
Pen to the paper,
the words start to flow.
my hands do the work,
printing each line
the less I control it
the more the story seems like mine.
The more I am empty,
the more I am clear
the less I am elsewhere,
The more I am here.


The Skin I Live In
I have one heart, two eyes
two ears, one mind
but the skin they live in
isn't mine
One day I'll become
who I really am
I'll show the world
or else be damned
Believe me, it's scary
and bad for my health
to look in the mirror
and see someone else
to be the woman
I desire to be
is to change who I am
and simply be me.

I'm a modifiedartist.gif DH is a reading.gif we have 2 angel.gifs, and DS is a rainbow1284.gif baby.gif
frontierpsych is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off