Looking for feedback on a few of my poems. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 1 Old 04-06-2008, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
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I haven't written in a while, but I'm trying to get back into it.
I'd love some feedback on a few of my older poems!

Foolishly, I looked at you, and something touched me.
Foolishly, I wanted to know more.
Foolishly, I said hello. You smiled.
Foolishly, I stood by and said nothing more.
Foolishly, I let it all go.
Foolishly, I went on with my life, and forgot all about you.
Foolishly, I found you again. You were beautiful.
Foolishly, I wished I could have you.
Foolishly, I smiled. You said hello.
Foolishly, I continued talking. You intrigued me.
Foolishly, I could not get you out of my head.
Foolishly, I kept going back. You were my addiction.
Foolishly, I told you how I felt, knowing you didn't feel the same.
Foolishly, I kept my hopes up, though I knew it wasn't meant to be.
Foolishly, I believed those things you told me, just to be sweet.
Foolishly, I realized how foolish I was being. I'd given up my chance long ago.
Foolishly, I cried.

Next Beautiful Day
My heart must starve to feel itself beat
My eyes are always closed
The paint on my eyelids is starting to itch
But I'm the only one who knows.
My bleeding is superficial
I'm screaming silently
As gentle as I sleep tonight
I will wake again so violently.
I've never forgotten, I will never forget
The time I nearly left this world
It was a bittersweet and peaceful descent
And yet I find it so absurd.
Would it be such a terrible thing?
To see the ones I love again?
But I know that now is not my time
So I'm holding on till the end.
The colour in my cheeks has faded
I prick my fingers to make them blush
Life and love is overrated
Not forever, just a rush
Braid my hair, apply mascara
put me in a pleasent dress
Tell me I am beautiful
Because you know I'm such a mess.
Pierce me, dye me, singe my skin
Call me anything tonight
For one day I will wake again
And everything will be alright
The flowers will bloom and smell so sweet
The birds will sing, the children will play
So let me sleep in agony
Until the next beautiful day.

I should have loved you
I should have been a better friend
but I won't love anyone
Until I smile again
I should have taken that call
I should have seen the end
The end won't come
Until I cry again
I should have known it all along
I should have looked around the bend
But I won't know anything
Until I try again
I should have faked a smile
I should have had a heart to mend
But my heart is broken
Until we meet again

Things Turned Sour
I miss the things that make me vain
I don't miss the hunger or the pain
I miss the compliments, the disbelief
I don't miss waking in a cold sweat from my sleep
I miss the games, the force of will
I don't miss the misery, but still
I miss the fashion, the admiring looks
I don't miss the force and the effort it took
I miss how the numbers slowly declined
I don't miss it being the thing on my mind
I miss the discipline, the percieved power
I don't miss the day when things turned sour.

When times get tough,
I just let go
Pen to the paper,
the words start to flow.
my hands do the work,
printing each line
the less I control it
the more the story seems like mine.
The more I am empty,
the more I am clear
the less I am elsewhere,
The more I am here.

The Skin I Live In
I have one heart, two eyes
two ears, one mind
but the skin they live in
isn't mine
One day I'll become
who I really am
I'll show the world
or else be damned
Believe me, it's scary
and bad for my health
to look in the mirror
and see someone else
to be the woman
I desire to be
is to change who I am
and simply be me.

I'm a modifiedartist.gif DH is a reading.gif we have 2 angel.gifs, and DS is a rainbow1284.gif baby.gif
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