I would talk to the directress to find out about the timeouts. I would want to know whether they are being used in a punitive sense or as a tactic to help a child get some breathing room from a stressful situation.
If a child has been hitting/pushing, he may be overwhelmed and using physical force to express himself. He may benefit from a few minutes to collect himself. A little space from the other children, along with some gentle intervention from a teacher can help. That's different from a lengthy timeout used as a punishment.
In the case of the accident, he may have needed a few minutes to get clean and regain his composure in front of the other children, again hopefully with some gentle intervention from a teacher. If the timeout was punishment for the accident, well, then, the directress needs to hear that that is not acceptable. If that's the case, you are entitled to be upset and to confront them about mishandling the situation.
Even if you decide it isn't the right situation for him and you aren't going to send him back to this school, I would speak with the directress. I would want to know more about how the accident happened since it's unusual. Was it a simple delay in getting to the bathroom on time? Could it be a new food he's tried? Is he ill? Is it stress-related? The directress may have some insights. I'd also want more information about how they handled it.
This is tough.
We did EC with DS too. He's had some accidents at his new dayhome (which I am puzzled by as it's never been an issue at home) and I would NOT be ok with our dayhome provider giving him a time out for it (we also don't believe in timeouts, but an accident IMO shouldn't be "punished").
Before you decide I would talk to the director about the event and express your concern and displeasure. It would have been very shaming to be put in a time out because of an accident, and I think that's wrong. I'm sure your DS was already embarrased enough by it. If you feel the director can't understand why you are concerned and won't agree to take a different course of action that is acceptable to you if this happens in the future, then I'd consider pulling him out. The tricky thing is that you can't control how others interact with your child at all times (like when they are in formal school if you don't home school, or in extra-curricilar activities) but I think that at such an early age and this being a first experience away from you it is even more important that it be positive.
N, wife to my goofball K and mamma to my EC grad D (July 2010) and my new little love S (May 2013). Exploring the uncharted territory of tandem nursing with my two boys.
It just stinks because I don't know really what happened for sure. I can tell that my son was embarassed and when I asked him to tell me what happened he said it wss a long story. I asked him if the teacher was mad at him and he said she was but then I asked if she wss nice to him, he said she was nice when she was cleaning him. The accident is perplexing, he's not sick , nothing has changed, no new foods, he had a good night sleep, I just don' t know? I guess since this is the first and only time it hss happened I will try to not get to worried about it. But we will talk to the teacher when we get back next week rather than just withdrawing him. Thanks for the opinions and comments!