Anyone else feel stuck, inadequate, or just plain overwelmed? vent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 10:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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.....If so please join in!

 

One thing I’ve discovered on this parenting journey is the way it’s brought about feelings of inadequacy, and perfectionism. I’m not sure how and why this has manifested, but I’m starting to believe it’s just the beast of being a parent. And then on this waldorf path, for whatever reason I have bought into the notion that if only I knit, bake, sing songs, do crafts, sew – be more domestic - that I will be a better mother and wife. Realistically I know this is a ludicrous, and I have come to accept that some of these things are not me, as much as a I think I’d like them to be. Also, being a homemaker has not come easy for me, I don’t feel this is my calling, but I know that I have been lead down this road to grow and learn.

 

I feel like I know exactly what to do but yet I can't do it. I have compiled notes and read so much my eyeballs could explode. Yet, for whatever reason our life does not reflect the ideal one that I have in my mind. I just want our home to be airy, clutter free, peaceful and beautiful. For days to flow peacefully. Ha!

 

Really I wish I could just relax and appreciate each day as a gift but something inside just won't let me. I get so caught up in the details that before I know it, time has sped on by and then we never even get started with all the stuff I "planned". My honey says just start whatever, but with my personality I can't. I have to have everything just so and all the right tools before I feel comfortable doing something. I have a rhythm posted that when we actually follow it, our days are better, but no...I can't stick to it every.single.day. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to not care so much..

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#2 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 11:05 AM
 
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I am going on number five. I wish I could have learned this last year, a long time ago. I have beat myself up for many years. Pick one thing and do it. Pick the easiest thing. I have a hard time with sewing and knitting. But, I am good with paper crafts, basic painting etc. Pick one thing you could do right now that will help your family today. Work on making that part of your home. Maybe it is a weekly baking day or setting the table pretty for dinner.
Read every afternoon to your little one. Light a candle while you pray at bedtime.

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#3 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 11:21 AM
 
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Every day!  I compromise.  A lot.  One step at a time.  I'll never have a perfect life.  I just won't!  I'm divorced, work full time, DS will be in mainstream school once he is done with preschool.  I try to focus on what I CAN do.  I'm happy to get perfect moments once in a while.  :) 

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#4 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Deleted.  It is not a safe place to discuss my personal struggles.  Good luck mamas!!!!  Enjoy life and have fun with your choices.  Life is too short otherwise. 


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#5 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 05:30 PM
 
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I can really identify with what you have written here.  I think I'm very similar to you in that I plan, plan plan and have a lot of trouble executing.  I think the key is to start small and slow.  If you plan out an elaborate schedule, most likely you won't accomplish it.  That has caused me to feel failure in the past.  I just finished reading, "In a Nutshell" by Nancy Foster.  One of the most enlightening comments she made was that most moms feel like there is so much to learn in order to be a fantastic parent, if we only knew it before we became parents....  She states that striving to be better is what makes you a good parent.  You really don't have to do things perfectly.  I know how you feel , though, I'd love to be a perfect homemaker and Waldorfy mother to my kids.   


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#6 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 07:27 PM
 
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Very interesting. I never really put my finger on it, but I think I'm going through some of the same feelings. I feel like I'm failing a lot because not nearly everything gets done on my list.

 

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Originally Posted by teamsalem View Post
She states that striving to be better is what makes you a good parent.   

 

I like that!

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#7 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm going to look back and realize I beat myself up when there was no need to. None of of us are perfect and never will be. But it's great to try and want to be better. And I like the idea of focusing on one thing at a time. That makes so much sense.

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#8 of 17 Old 12-09-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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IMO a good working rhythm should flow naturally & that is why it's called rhythm and not routine.  If you find that you have to stick to it, then it is probably not your family's actual rhythm.  Our daily rhythm has sprung from what we go about doing anyway & now I pay more attention to try and have those things happen at about the same time each day.  Think of it like the tides of the ocean or your breath: in and out, ebb and flow.  You come together to do something, you drift apart to do separate things, you come together again.

 

I'm def good at baking and all that, but I'm also pretty lazy & have two wee ones, so our house is in decent shape, not spotless, but not overwhelmed.  I cannot focus all of my time on cleaning b/c my kids want to play w/ me & I w/ them :)  Even right now, I could be cleaning since they are in bed, but instead I am tooling around on the internet, haha.  I love reading blogs b/c I get lots of inspiration & motivation, but I know that I am not anyone else but me & I do not live the same lives as the authors.  I am a perfectly wonderful mother and wife, I don't need to compare myself.  Our days flow & I know that the biggest reason is b/c I do not focus on housework v much.  I work to maintain cleanliness, but most of the daily cleaning gets done after the kids are in bed.  And I force myself to do it every day or else things get real bad real quick.  I do some work during the day, of course, but I make sure that it does not take up my whole day.  To me, housework is the first and best thing to be put aside :)

 

If you want to paint, paint.  Get out the crayons and color for just five minutes.  Heck, buy slice and bake cookie dough and bake that w/ your kiddo ;)  Tiny fun things to do together will help to keep you centered.


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#9 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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Whoami, Yes! I could have written this post too! I’m sure you are echoing many of our sentiments. It doesn’t hurt to do a bit of soul searching once in a while and think about what our ideals are and then be realistic about them – I too use the blogs and this forum for inspiration, but never in my wildest dreams would I be able to be like that. But guilt is something we all need to work with and preferably banish from our lives!

 

I think the Waldorf approach to early childhood is built upon a world which, for the most part no longer exists around us, but it can be a really useful guide as to how we can live with our children. I mean all the home arts for example - how to make them meaningful in this day and age and remember to give our chidren experiences which we would have taken for granted a century or more ago. The problem is that it just doesn’t fit our experience, so it is hard for some to build it. Some on the other hand find it easy and it fits them like a glove – lucky them!

 

Beezer, I too identify with some of what you say, but though I feel it's good to have a laugh at oneself every now and then, I don’t think this forum is a place for ridiculing the Waldorf approach, or people who hold it dear and advocate it (and provide us all with so much inspiration).

 

I agree with choosing something that is important to you or that you really enjoy or are good at and perhaps one or two things that are a challenge, as your children will see you enjoying yourself doing something you’re good at and also struggling and trying to do better. What more can we do? For many of us, if we do as much as our ideals suggest (or some all-knowing Waldorf early childhood teacher or anthroposophical elder) then we’ll do ourselves in, and it will not be genuine, and that, my friends, is no good – and it’s not even “Waldorf” anyway – so cut yourselves some slack everyone, and just be you! (I should take note of this too... :)

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#10 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 06:34 AM
 
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I'm with Beezer75. I think there needs to be a after-waldorf support group! It's really undermines mother intuition and the needs of the individual child. 


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#11 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 08:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kindermama View Post

I'm with Beezer75. I think there needs to be a after-waldorf support group! It's really undermines mother intuition and the needs of the individual child. 



I believe the life after waldorf thread is in the personal growth forum.


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#12 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 09:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lyrebird View Post

 

Beezer, I too identify with some of what you say, but though I feel it's good to have a laugh at oneself every now and then, I don’t think this forum is a place for ridiculing the Waldorf approach, or people who hold it dear and advocate it (and provide us all with so much inspiration).

 

 

 

Heavens no!!!!  I was not ridiculing Waldorf.  Heavens no!!!  To know me is to know that I don't do that.  This sooooooooooo didn't make my day at all.  That never was my intention at all. 

 

Never mind.  It makes me sad and upset that anyone would think that. 

 

My posts are personal.  To me, no one else.  I never ever would say something badly about anyone's parenting or schooling choices.  Please, this is what is in my heart.

 

Off I go. 
 


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#13 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 10:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama View Post

Every day!  I compromise.  A lot.  One step at a time.  I'll never have a perfect life.  I just won't!  I'm divorced, work full time, DS will be in mainstream school once he is done with preschool.  I try to focus on what I CAN do.  I'm happy to get perfect moments once in a while.  :) 



My DG goes to a mainstream school although we are waldorf inspired at home, I've have come to accept a waldorf school is not in our budget and get over it LOL. I think the focusing on what you can do is brilliant. I make sure i light a candle at every meal and sing our morning song and blessing, if i remember the washing hands song then that is a bonus!


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#14 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 10:37 AM
 
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If I even know what day of the week it is that is a bonus!  :)

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#15 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 01:07 PM
 
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Beezer, I’m sorry you didn’t like my reaction to your post but the way I read it, it seemed to me there was a distinctly negative vibe towards the Waldorf approach and those upholding it, and I reiterate, I simply don’t feel this is the right place for that, whatever the personal feelings and difficulties you or anyone has had with it. I do understand your feelings to some extent – I grew up in a strongly anthro household and went to a Steiner school all my life – perhaps I should head over to the forum life after Waldorf too! Maybe see you there? J

Either way I apologise if it made you feel blah, but I felt I had to stick up for some of us here too. I certainly didn’t want to upset you, yuck! Hugs for you on your journey!

 

Back to OP: I think any approach with high ideals is going to be fraught with these issues, so 1) we may not agree wholeheartedly with all the principles and indications and, 2) we are human and simply not capable of upholding so many ideals and following through with them in our lives on a practical level. I seems it particularly applies to the Waldorf approach.

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#16 of 17 Old 12-10-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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It was a rough day today. I can sooo relate to these posts. Hugs to everyone! 

 

On my best days, the Waldorf approach makes me feel connected, peaceful, like I'm living my "best life."

But on those bad days, I just feel exhausted, and particularly down on myself if I've handled things all "wrong."

 

Such is life though, right? We are all entitled to cut ourselves a little slack!

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#17 of 17 Old 12-13-2010, 10:05 PM
 
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Being a mom is tough. Being a mindful mom is harder. I go through periods like this too. Motherhood really can be overwhelming. I became a mom at 22; still in college, previously doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it and so on. I was entirely carefree and independent. I knew when I became a mom, I wanted to be the best possible. I knew I wanted to surround my children with beauty, art, nature, magic. I knew I wanted every choice and every decision to be wise and well thought out. Ever since learning about the Waldorf path, I have been intrigued. What I struggle with, is the sense of orderliness. My home, my life is never good with orderliness. I don't always feel like washing dishes, and taking care of bothersome household duties. I never felt grounded, and rooted enough to feel really domestic. Right now, for the first time ever, I feel the most domesticated I have ever felt. The house is actually totally decked out with Christmas cheer that as a family we all created together. I make an effort to bake, but it doesn't always happen. Sometimes we buy store bought cookie dough and croissant dough- yes my 4 year old thinks its lame and cheating, but I let him know that cheating can be fun too- and this is how Mama was brought up baking! And, it saves a bit of time to do other fun stuff. Waldorf is such an amazing philosophy to me, but I know just as who I am, I am a very abstract, free flowing person. I don't follow rules and order well- I guess thats why LOTS of outside time, crazy messy art experiments, and not caring so much works for us. When I get hung up on a rigid routine, everything falls apart for me, for us. Life gets in the way of my plans. Singing songs works for us, but we sing rock songs, and get crazy jamming out to them... Don't be hard on yourself- just be. I think that just taking the time to be mindful, and putting for the intention of being an awesome mother means so much. 

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