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#1 of 11 Old 01-22-2011, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 11 Old 01-22-2011, 12:54 PM
 
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That sounds so frustrating. It is a lot of work to keep things simple and eat healthy. It's understandable you'd be upset. 

 

I know my DH doesn't really "get" waldorf. He originally felt like we'd be depriving our children of all the normal "children things" when I said that I wanted to do it. I think it was hard for him to not feel like I was bashing or insulting the way he grew up (the way I grew up, too). He's starting to realize that it's a different world, now, and children are exposed to so much if you don't make a conscious effort for them not to be.  

 

DS is only 16 months old, so we're in a very different place than you. We have a less Waldorf day and he really doesn't notice. I noticed with the kids I nannied, though, that when their non Waldorf relatives would take them it would make things SO much harder when they returned. There would be a battle about everything because they would have the taste of indulging in whatever they wanted and being off their rhythm. They were so much happier and less bossy when they just stayed home!

 

Does your DH know any kids that are a little "out of control" because they always get what they want and have little or no structure? I know that's one of DH's motivations for listening to me. He sees how annoying and bossy some kids are and wants DS to have more respect than that when he's older. Waldorf kids, from my experience, seem to be gentler and more appreciative, which is why I turned to it. 

 

Has your DH ever read anything on Waldorf or is he very not interested? I put some strategically placed books in the bathroom to get DH to read them. 

 

I hope you can work out some solution. Sorry I don't have much advice. 

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#3 of 11 Old 01-22-2011, 05:44 PM
 
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It sounds like there might be larger issues than just waldorf if the thought is there to split when there is enough money?  If this is strictly about you wanting a waldorf lifestyle, and your dh not feeling that it's the same importance, then I think you might want to take a step back and think about what children really need.  They need parents, plain and simple, who care for them and love them.  The expression of their love may not look exactly the same, but it is love nonetheless.  Children do not need wooden toys or certain colors to thrive.  They need the foundation of love from their parents.

 

Parenting little ones is tough work, and it involves compromise and lots of understanding.  This may be a point to seek some outside support.  Forget about who thinks what of your child at the waldorf school.  I guarantee that in 10 years it won't matter.  Put the relationship first. 

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#4 of 11 Old 01-22-2011, 06:24 PM
 
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My SO isn't on board with Waldorf either nor is DD's bio dad.  They just don't get it and they have no interest in getting it.  For bio dad it gets in the way of his materialistic and artificial life with his bimbo.  It's really frustrating that when I spend days trying to build wish lists, etc. to share with his family for when they ask what we want and tell them the things we absolutely do not want, what do you think they buy?  UGH!  Unfortunately, SO doesn't interact a lot with DD.  He doesn't buy her toys or anything but he does play with her for a few minutes each day so, inadvertently, he does contribute to our day.  :)

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#5 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 07:33 AM
 
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Not sure if this helps anyone, but here goes......

 

With our first daughter, my husband and I decided together where she should go for early childhood education.  We made some mistakes and totally had our share of arguments over them with the normal blaming "this is all YOUR fault" stuff.  But, in the end, we learned A LOT about parenting!  I say this because having 3 children together has taught us to take the good with the bad.  We no longer care about all the anxiety producing high stress kind of first child stuff~  "OMG, if we don't put her in Waldorf right now.... she is going to turn into one of 'those' children who are media dependent with mushy brains who don't know how to use their imaginations!" 

 

Looking back, it was ME who pressed for a early childhood education at Waldorf.  She did spend 2 years there.  She did come home to a media friendly household at night as my husband is in the technology industry.  Currently, she is 7 years old, in mainstream education now, very intelligent, very imaginative, an artist, a singer, LOVES to be outside, (would play all day spending hours at the park in the sand box if I let her), and is REALLY good at video games. 

 

However, our neighbors two doors down, have their 7 year old at the same Waldorf school my daughter attended.  Her mother is even a teacher in the preschool garden there.  (I REALLY like both of them and we spend a lot of time together.)  While our kids play outside together, I watch them and think.... What IF my daughter stayed at Waldorf through the grades?  Where would she be emotionally, socially, and intellectually?

 

Well......  For sure, she wouldn't be able to read and write until well into her later years.  She wouldn't understand math, science, history, and wouldn't know how to use a computer at age 7.  ALTHOUGH, she WOULD be able to use her imagination!  She would be very artistic, know how to play, sing, and put on puppet shows.  Similarly, she would know how to cook as a group, clean up the house, do the laundry, and make really good sand castles.... all of which kids learn with Mom at home, IF she teaches those things, takes her kids to the park, and allows her kids to really play. 

 

All in all, don't worry!!  Your son or daughter will turn out just fine if you decide to stop his/her Waldorf education at home OR if your husband isn't on board.  Just do what you can to be a good parent every day.  Your husband will do the same.  The nice thing is that you and your husband are different people.  You both have different priorities with parenting when you have one on one time alone with your children.  That is okay!!  Everything will turn out just fine!joy.gif

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#6 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 08:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyMommaof3 View Post

Not sure if this helps anyone, but here goes......

 

With our first daughter, my husband and I decided together where she should go for early childhood education.  We made some mistakes and totally had our share of arguments over them with the normal blaming "this is all YOUR fault" stuff.  But, in the end, we learned A LOT about parenting!  I say this because having 3 children together has taught us to take the good with the bad.  We no longer care about all the anxiety producing high stress kind of first child stuff~  "OMG, if we don't put her in Waldorf right now.... she is going to turn into one of 'those' children who are media dependent with mushy brains who don't know how to use their imaginations!" 

 

Looking back, it was ME who pressed for a early childhood education at Waldorf.  She did spend 2 years there.  She did come home to a media friendly household at night as my husband is in the technology industry.  Currently, she is 7 years old, in mainstream education now, very intelligent, very imaginative, an artist, a singer, LOVES to be outside, (would play all day spending hours at the park in the sand box if I let her), and is REALLY good at video games. 

 

However, our neighbors two doors down, have their 7 year old at the same Waldorf school my daughter attended.  Her mother is even a teacher in the preschool garden there.  (I REALLY like both of them and we spend a lot of time together.)  While our kids play outside together, I watch them and think.... What IF my daughter stayed at Waldorf through the grades?  Where would she be emotionally, socially, and intellectually?

 

Well......  For sure, she wouldn't be able to read and write until well into her later years.  She wouldn't understand math, science, history, and wouldn't know how to use a computer at age 7.  ALTHOUGH, she WOULD be able to use her imagination!  She would be very artistic, know how to play, sing, and put on puppet shows.  Similarly, she would know how to cook as a group, clean up the house, do the laundry, and make really good sand castles.... all of which kids learn with Mom at home, IF she teaches those things, takes her kids to the park, and allows her kids to really play. 

 

All in all, don't worry!!  Your son or daughter will turn out just fine if you decide to stop his/her Waldorf education at home OR if your husband isn't on board.  Just do what you can to be a good parent every day.  Your husband will do the same.  The nice thing is that you and your husband are different people.  You both have different priorities with parenting when you have one on one time alone with your children.  That is okay!!  Everything will turn out just fine!joy.gif



Thank you so much for this point of view. :-)

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#7 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 09:13 AM
 
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To me, this is the downside of a "waldorf lifestyle". There is this sense of separation (like you see in your own marriage) but it's also between parents at waldorf schools across the world. It's all good! Your daughter is experiencing all that life has to offer.....there are times for fun, fast-paced living and times for boredom & slowing down; times for sweetness and times for wholesome; times for late night bashes and times for slow, candlelit nights; times for TV and times for imaginative play; times for wonder and awe and times for explanation.  Try not to put a judgment on it. All you are doing is separating yourself and your daughter from your husband, her father, and LIFE! Life isn't all warm and fuzzy all the time and your daughter will find her own balance as she grows. This is all coming from someone who's been there. I could have written your posts years ago and then I grew to learn that life is full of opportunities for expressions and you cannot choose to live on the side of light and goodness unless you touch upon the darkness (or what you *think* is the darkness!)


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#8 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks so much! thats exactly what i needed to hear! i get real type a must be perfectly waldorf... its kind of eas to do i think, if you read some of the books and go to parent/child etc its kind of easy to get int hat waldorf or else mind set!

 

Good to be reminded that parenting is more about love than the right toys etc.

 

and that it wont kill her to be exposed to some balance

 

dh is great with her an he loves her to death...

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#9 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 12:58 PM
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Dh and I do things differentlytoo, though not as drastically and I've come to learn two major things:
1) there can be balance and I don't have to be cometely black and white about everything. I'm learning to relax and trust dd's amazing flexibility and adaptability.
2) dd has developed two very different types of attachments to us, which she uses to meet different needs. She has learned to come to me for certain things and to dad for other things. I can't quite articulate why but this brings me great joy. I guess it's the sense that she doesn't need to depend on one of us for everything.
Hth! Hang in there. It's not easy but at least it sounds like you are both approaching your child out of a place of love and honest intentions.
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#10 of 11 Old 01-23-2011, 05:39 PM
 
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DH and I definitely differ on things. He loves a lot of Waldorf, but he is a very modern man, who is a graphic designer, and is entirely obsessed with technology. We, as a family, spend a great deal of time in nature, and it is part of our lives. TV, or at least movies and sports are not negotiable; DH is also obsessed with those. The compromise is that the movies and sports do not dictate our lives, and the kids do not accumulate all the pieces of plastic merchandise needed to complete the experience. We are also surrounded by family who are not by any means crunchy. They consider us them hippie folk. But they accept us, and love our differences, but when we hang out with them in their homes, it is a media explosion, so we are always exposed. I've accepted that in my time with my kids, we will have rhythm, art, nature, calmness.

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#11 of 11 Old 01-25-2011, 06:03 PM
 
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you have a newborn and really need to be taking care of yourself, eating well, sleeping when you can....

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