Talking about miscarriage - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-09-2014, 09:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Talking about miscarriage

Hello mamas,

I am needing some advice on talking to my 5 year old about her auntie having a miscarriage in a way that is consistent with waldorf teachings.

DD has been attending preschool for the last two years. Each time there is a birthday in the class, they tell a simple story of the child coming into this world. The main theme of the stories are the same for all the children in that they wait in the garden with the angels until they are born. The idea of children waiting in the garden is very engrained in her. Whenever she asks about where she was in regard to events prior to her birth, all I have to tell her is that she was still in the garden and she no longer feels the need to understand where she was.

So how do I tie the concept of a miscarriage into the idea of children waiting in the garden before their birth? Her auntie was 4.5 months along when the miscarriage happened. DD has been told about the pregnancy and has talked about looking forward to meeting the baby and holding the baby. I have not been able to figure out a way to deliver the news of the miscarriage to her that is developmentally appropriate as well as sensitive to her aunt and uncle if she ever brings it up in front of them.

or if you have any experience telling children about miscarriages, I would love to hear about them too.

Thanks so much.
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#2 of 4 Old 07-15-2014, 07:29 PM
 
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I wanted to just acknowledge your post as moderator, though I am not a Waldorf expert. This is a difficult situation. I am sure someone with more knowledge of Waldorf teachings will be along shortly to help you!

 
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#3 of 4 Old 08-05-2014, 05:53 PM
 
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Hi bean-e. This is a tough one. For a five year old I think I would keep things simple and say "The baby wasn't ready to be born yet and maybe someday soon auntie will have another baby in her tummy. Since we know she wants a baby, let's give her some hugs and kisses and let her know that we're hoping she gets another baby in her tummy too." If she asks more questions, I think I might go the "what do you think" route. In reality, her answers are probably as good as anyones. There are so many women who have miscarriages and no one knows the real reason why. What is most important is to let the woman know that she is loved and that she is not alone in her hopes that she becomes a mother someday. Hearing it from a child can be especially sweet.

I hope this helps! Let us know what worked! I am sure you are not the first person to have to discuss this with a very young child.
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#4 of 4 Old 08-26-2014, 09:03 AM
 
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My daughter was 5 and entering Waldorf kindergarten (and had been in Waldorf preschool since age 2.5) when I had my last miscarriage. I simply told her the baby went back to live with God. I told her that some babies just want to know what it is like to be in their mama's belly and then they go back to live with God.

She is 8 now and sometimes talks about "the babies that died in [my] belly". So, she knows exactly what happened. But, I do not get any hint of trauma from her as she, and her now 5 year old brother (who was just over 2 at the time) discuss it very matter of factly.

Mama to add 10/05; ds 3/09, and two angels
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