My dilemna - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 10-30-2004, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in a playgroup with four other moms. One of them, "I", had a miscarriage about six months ago. She told me October 20th that she found out she was pg again. I was actually upset at her timing because it was in the same breath as telling me happy birthday and because she's well aware of the fertility challenges we've had in the past.

I needed to deal with it my own way. Friday morning playgroup was scheduled to be at my house. AF was also due. I decided to test before everyone got there to mourn the loss of the cycle in my own way, when lo and behold there was a little line where I didn't expect one.

Flash forward: I knew "I" was anxious about this pg after her miscarriage so I wanted to wait until she found out everything was ok before sharing our news with friends. She had an u/s yesterday at six weeks and a few days and they didn't see anything. Not a baby , not a heartbeat. She goes back in a week, but says she feels confident that everything is ok, that the baby was just too small right now or something. I'm not sure what to think.

Sorry so long, but I'm not sure how I would handle telling her about our pg if this turns out to be a loss for her. I'm also not sure how I would handle it if we had a loss and she had a baby. Or we both had losses. . . dark thoughts I know, but under the circumstances you can see how I would think this way.

So I sit here alone with my little secret, praying that nine months from now, both "I" and I will have happy healthy babies.
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#2 of 2 Old 10-30-2004, 02:23 PM
 
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Gosh, I know how you feel. My cousin announced she was PG with her 3rd baby at my daughter's 3rd b-day party this summer. It really hurt my feelings, even though, rationally, there was no reason it should have. Anyhow, I didn' t tell her I was pg when I saw her a couple of days ago. I just, have all of these competitve emotions with her about having children, which of course, are just senseless. Your pregnancy and I's pg, are completely seperate things and it isn't a competiton and even if I or you lost your pregnancy, having the other person lose or keep their's shouldn't make you feel any better or worse.

Did I make any sense? LOL

I would tell I about the pg when you tell everyone else. If she does lose her baby I would maybe hold off for a few weeks.
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