Trusting the process - Mothering Forums
July 2005 > Trusting the process
Ary99's Avatar Ary99 12:15 PM 11-03-2004
This thread idea was borrow from the fertility board, but I thought it was certainly applicable for those of us in early pregnancy who might be anxious.

I am an anxious person by nature. It's not something I like or am proud of; I really try to do what I can to tell myself that worrying doesn't help anything.

I have read books about The Law of Attraction and tried to direct my thought toward positive thinking, but there's the lingering "but what if. . .?" in the back of my mind.

I'm reading all these post from people who won't be seeing a doctor for weeks or months more while I can hardly wait to see my doc next week just to see if there's a real live baby growing in there.

How do you do it? How do you trust the process?

LuvMy2Kidz's Avatar LuvMy2Kidz 01:59 PM 11-03-2004
I trust it b/c I"ve successfully carried 2 babies, and have been fortunate to have never had to experience the pain of a MC.
nfpmom's Avatar nfpmom 03:24 PM 11-03-2004
I trust the process because I don't want to turn pregnancy into a "medical procedure", I *know* I am pregnant, and just seeing an early ultrasound doesn't guarantee outcomes anyway, and conversely, there is nothing that can be done this early anyway.
That doesn't mean I am happily patient through this early time- I am looking forward to hearing the heartbeat at the end of 1st trimester

take care
Selissa's Avatar Selissa 03:37 PM 11-03-2004
well i am a worry wart..so i gues sstechinically i don't...as such..or at least i am always obsessing about the possible what ifs in the first imester anyway..well no all along the whole thing really. but and this is the big but goin got the doctor doesnt' make me feel any better. if i am feelign to worried i have dh put his ear to my belly and listen..he smartly says..."yup i hear soemthing" andi feel better..of cousre this is coming form the woman who almost puked this morning...ask me on aday that i have no symptoms and imay have another answer for you. lol
myboycal's Avatar myboycal 07:35 PM 11-03-2004
I fight with myself to stop thinking about the negatives. I run to the bathroom every 10 minutes (to pee ), but I constantly think AF has arrived, so I'm always checking. You want so badly for everything to be okay, and there's nothing you can do but be healthy and take it easy. I guess you have to think to yourself, no matter what it's going to be okay, but don't be naive to think that nothing could possibly happen in the next couple of months. Be cautiously optimistic! It's a battle for me, and I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. I just want to skip the next couple of months, and get to the good stuff like a big belly, fingers poking and prodding in there, etc. Ya know? It'll be okay though No matter what!
ccohenou's Avatar ccohenou 07:39 PM 11-03-2004
I don't know if I really do. I mean I am somewhat anxious by nature and have a tendency to want to control the uncontrollable. And the not knowing of early pregnancy is hard on that.
I've been thinking about this because the over-medicalization of my last pregnancy was a major source of pain, and I really want to do things differently this time. On the other hand there is the tempting thought in my mind that I could call my old medwives and they would be more than happy to send me for a "dating ultrasound" which could be so reassuring...but that's really not how I want to start off YK?
The other thing I wanted to add is, this is my second pregnancy and I have had no miscarriages, but in a way I can turn that into something to worry about too...like I got lucky last time, so aren't the chances worse that everything will go pretty well again? Probably not but I can sure worry about it.
famousmockngbrd's Avatar famousmockngbrd 12:25 AM 11-04-2004
Like other people have said, this is my second pregnancy so I am a little bit more relaxed. Although, there is that flip side that was mentioned - "how could I dare to think I could be so lucky twice??"

But that's not to say I don't worry. I do. It's not so much that I trust the process, it's more like I figure it's just out of my hands. If I am destined to have this baby, I will, and if I'm not, I won't. There isn't much I can do about it besides take care of myself, and I'm doing that. If there is something wrong, at this stage going to the OB/midwife's isn't going to change anything.

Here's hoping we all have happy and healthy pregnancies!
DesireeH's Avatar DesireeH 09:19 PM 11-04-2004
This is number 2 for me as well and I guess I am a bit more relaxed this time. I do have a consultation to meet with a midwife in a few weeks but I am not rushing for an u/s and blood test like I was the last time. I had 3 m/c before my son so I think I was extra nervous with him. This time I am just trying to be healthy and even though I do worry, there is nothing I can really do about it anyways.
Denise K's Avatar Denise K 06:47 PM 11-09-2004
Well, I don't have this one figured out, but I do have lots of experience struggling with it.

Here is what I do when I get really anxious (like lately, when I am spotting): I pray in the car. (While DS is asleep in the back, because I am better at praying out loud.) I'm not all that theistic, either, but it helps me enormously to just say hey god-or-goddess-or-whoever, please help me keep breathing, and walk with me through my fear. And then I might go ahead and pray for peace, or for all the people in the world struggling so much harder than I am, and that turns my focus out of myself and keeps me connected with the world.

I had all the regular tests last time, and I'm skipping them all this time. Maybe I trust more. But I think mostly I know more--that the tests didn't make me feel safer, really, and the drawbacks of them.

I also am trying to replace the images in my head--or the talk in my head. Like when I hear myself saying what if I have a mc, or imagning that, I tell myself about all the friends I can rely on if that happens, and then gently refocus on something that's about love, not fear--like loving my son who's already here, and remembering his birth; or how excited I am to be working with a midwife this time and planning a home birth; or planning what really healthy yummy food I'm going to eat as soon as I can make it to the kitchen.

I don't know about fear drawing bad things to you--I have always been fearful, and have had a wonderful life. I keep telling myself, fear is just fear. It's scary, but it doesn't mean anything except that I'm afraid, and I don't have to let it run my life--I can just keep breathing and wait for it to pass.
Ary99's Avatar Ary99 07:23 PM 11-09-2004
Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I helps me the know what others are going through. Rationally, I really hear what you are saying: this is out of my hands. It always has been, it always will be.

I'll let you guys know how tomorrow goes!
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