Ok mamas, lets lay our fears on the line... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-22-2005, 10:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Pom
I worry about having to fight back or bicker with a nurse or OB about something like cord-cutting, or drinking juice, and getting annoyed b/c DH is not stepping up and taking care of stuff.
Oooh, Pom, you hit the nail on the head with this one. A worry of mine too. I'm afraid my wishes won't be honored during labor ... especially if I end up having to be transferred to L&D. I don't want to have to fight while I'm in the middle of labor.

I'm scared of the pain, but I think I'm even more scared of "stalling", or "appearing" to stall. It's one thing if you're suffering lots of pain but are dilating, and feel that something is being accomplished. I'm terrified I'm laboring for hours and hours and hours, only to find I'm not dilating, or am creeping along. I know from all the birth stories I've read that you can make no progress, and then bam, dilate a whole bunch all at once. So intellectually I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. But in the middle of labor, and dealing with the pain, I think I would be so unbelievably discouraged if this happened to me.

I'm afraid of a c-section. I had laser surgery 12 years ago, and there's a chance there's scar tissue on my cervix. My OB (and doula) said this can almost always be broken up manually during labor (although it's a very painful process ), but there are the few cases where it can't, and the cervix won't dilate, and a c/s has to be done. This also feeds my fear about stalling ... am I stalling just because? Or is it because of the scar tissue? And when and how do I decide I'm not going to get any farther?

I'm afraid my baby will die before birth or during labor. This thought horrifies me so much I can't keep it in my brain for long. But it scares me.

Like a pp, I don't plan on telling anyone labor has started, and friends/family will get the news after the baby is born. But I'm scared my mom will figure it out and come to the hospital anyway. I know I have the strength to refuse her access to my room, but the drama of it all, and knowing she may be waiting in the waiting room may inhibit my labor.

I'm scared of becoming a parent. My family is so whacked, it has taken me years of work to undo some of the damage. I feel like I've made lots of changes, but I'm still terrified I'll pass down my family's legacy of insanity, and not be a good parent. I'm also afraid of all the things I'm going to have to give up (like I could have been out riding my motorcycle today, if I wasn't pregnant -- and I think it will be a good long while before I'm back in the saddle : ). I know I'll be gaining innumerable things, and they will far outweigh the things I'm going to lose, and once she's here I won't think twice about it. But right now it still scares me to think about losing all that stuff (my freedom, being responsible only for myself, etc.) : .

I'm scared of dealing with my mom after the baby comes. She is really screwed up, and I'll need to really be vigilant about her being around the baby. Plus she drives me nuts, and I can only handle so much exposure. This will inevitably lead to a blow-up(s). I dread this.

I'm afraid bfing will be hard ... really hard. And I'm afraid I'll have a colicky or fussy baby.

I'm afraid of post-partum depression, and/or not being able to cope due to exhaustion. I've been clinically depressed twice in my life, and while I've come to believe it was due to circumstances -- and I haven't felt depressed for years -- it still scares me to think about it.

I know there's more, but I can't remember right now! Good thread ...

Shana
EDD 7/29/05

Mama to M (7/05) and S (5/08) my surprise !!!
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Old 06-22-2005, 11:26 PM
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Sarah (and others) - A woman told me a really interesting story about giving natural birth to her second (of 4 kids). First, she mentioned that as a rule, the 2nd births are supposed to be easiest, more so than even 3rd, 4th, etc., and that was true with her.

But what she said really made a difference was that with her 2nd, she somehow was imagining when the contractions became intense, how it was affecting the BABY, not her... and she started talking to it...like, "Oh. That was a big one. How did that feel, honey?" and she was imaginging the contractions moving the baby out towards her, these strong, gentle surges of muscle....anyway. Somehow this conversation she was having with the baby transfered the pain. She said she felt the least amount of pain with this birth than with any of her others, and she credits this mindset. I plan on trying that persepctive, as well.

Who knows? It's so crazy it might just work...
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Old 06-23-2005, 12:42 AM
 
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Shana-wow. I have many of those worries. I had a cervical LEEP done 13 years ago, and a portion of my cervix was removed. Realizing the impact it could have on my labor, I freaked, and asked my MW about it. She was not too concerned, and said that if I don't dilate, she can do it manually, and that it isn't painful (??) I was suspicious about that, since I have heard quite differently.

Family-what a frequent source of pain and difficulty for some of us. Even though I have explained to my step-mother that her and my father are not invited to the hospital until after the baby is born, I still fear that they will walk in while I am in labor. This is unlikely, and I would tell them to get out of the hospital if they did something like that. Unfortunately, it sounds like a much more difficult situation with your mother...I'm sorry. Maybe you could have a friend 'stand guard' in the waiting room while you labor, so if your mom does show up, she won't get very far.

I was clinically depressed a few times in my life, but it has been nearly five years since the last episode, and I am confident that it was because my life was quite crappy during those times. I have thought about that and the chance of post partum depression, and I suppose I just need to keep watch of the symptoms more closely. You will do wonderful, take all the love and help you can (from those people who don't drive you nuts) and feed yourself well.

Violet, due 7-18-05
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Old 06-23-2005, 03:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to say I hope all of our fears are resolved or at least calmed by the time we birth our babies into this world and a big to all of you for being brave and facing your fears.

Mom to DD1 reading.gif (11) & DD2 shine.gif homebirth.jpg(7) & DS babyboy.gif  h20homebirth.gif (9/10/12)

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Old 06-23-2005, 05:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletMommy
She was not too concerned, and said that if I don't dilate, she can do it manually, and that it isn't painful (??) I was suspicious about that, since I have heard quite differently.
I probably should NOt be telling you this, but my mother was dilated manually when she was in labour with me, and she said it hurt like HELL! (On the other hand, I was the fastest of her 3 births, and the only one to be born at home, so she still counts my birth as her best.)
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Old 06-23-2005, 11:28 AM
 
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Violet, thank you for your kind thoughts .

It's nice to have such a safe place where I can voice my fears .

The one thing I do know is that I'm a very strong person ... it's how I've survived everything I've been through. I'm afraid I may forget this during labor, so I'm going to have dh remind me how strong I am if it seems like I'm getting overwhelmed, or things deviate from our preferred path.

I know I can do this. One way or another, no later than mid-August, I will have a baby in my arms!

I remembered one more fear though -- BACK LABOR!!!!! :LOL

Shana
EDD 7/29/05

Mama to M (7/05) and S (5/08) my surprise !!!
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