Kerrie Mama to DD 10 yo, DS 8 yo and DD 5
We had one lady show up, bringing flowers, and pull up a chair! This was the day after DD was born. I didn't like this person anyway, but she is the wife of DH's coworkers at the time. Then DH's boss (at the time) and his wife just show up. They didn't stay long, but sheesh. I did NOT want to see anyone. I started crying after the woman left. I was so overwhelmed. Of course DH couldn't say no. We no longer live in that area or talk to these people.
I don't want anyone coming over without calling first and not for at least 24 hours. That has been made clear to everyone. Then they can come in. See the baby and leave. They have been asked to stay a short time like 15-20 minutes. It's my house, my space, my time with my baby and family (DH and DD). You can never get that time back. My only regret with DD's birth is that I didn't do this when she was born.
it was fine last time - no one overstayed their welcome at all, and I can always count on dh to be rude and kick people out
this time my mom is coming - which will be good since dd will have plenty of love and attention from her, and then 2 wks after the baby comes my mil is coming to help.
1. My sister and dh are available to take dd where she needs/wants to be - school, outings, activities for the first two weeks.
2. After the baby is born, my voice mail gets changed to announce the baby's arrival and vital stats and let people know we'll see them in a few weeks.
3. A sign goes on the door telling people we are on our babymoon for a week and we will call them soon.
4. A designated group of friends (good friends ) are taking turns coming over with food every other day. They will be told they can visit if we are awake.
5. Most importantly, dh and sister have been trained in the fine art of saying "NO!"
Am I a planner or what?
This time, most likely my mom will have to come over to help out with my toddler. I am hoping she does not drive me nuts (I doubt she will be staying overnight, she lives an hr away, and my father will need tending to, b/c he is a big baby), but I'd rather her come than my mil, b/c I know at least my mom would actually HELP me, instead of just, "talking" about helping and making stupid comments (last time, my proceeded to get into an argument with me about 2 hrs after I gave birth when she found out we were not going to circ the baby). I am however, saying no guests for at least the first wk or so, and if we have guests, just a 2-3 ppl at once. I KNOW my mom will throw a fit wanting to invite EVERYONE and I am NOT stacking visits, ppl will just have to wait their turn. We have caller id and will be screening our calls too. I doubt neighbors will want to drop by, since we only know a few of them, so hopefully that will not be an issue. DH works at the hospital and a few of his co-workers will probably pop by to say hello and see the baby while we are still at the hospital. That is ok with me, they are all medical professionals and will realize how tired I'll be and keep their visit short.
I just hate that sometimes family, who are understandly excited about the new baby, end up being a total PITA after the baby arrives and smother you to death.
Oh, and one more thing I am insisting my DH does NOT call his parents until MUCH later after the baby arrives. Last time they showed up at the hospital about 2 hrs after the baby arrived and would NOT leave (they were there for almost 6 hrs, b/c mil wanted to wait for my parents to show up!!!). I could have kicked my DH, b/c he KNEW I was not looking forward to his mother coming, let alone, coming almost right away and then NOT wanting to go away (she never got any of my hints either). I'd rather just not deal with ppl I can't stand (my mil), and delay it as much as possible. I don't really care if she gets upset that she was not the, "first" to see the baby (she is competitive with my parents). Too bad, this time I am putting my foot down about a lot of things and not letting family walk all over me. Ironically, our friends were the ones who respectfully waited about 2 wks before calling us or wanting to visit, even though we never set any ground rules for them. Guess most of our friends just have better manners than our family!
I like the idea of the sign on the door, though here at our house that would not work. Our house is solar and the whole front is glass. Makes it hard to hide
But I have no issues with saying to people "How nice to see you. Thank you for stopping by. I am just exhausted and am going to go lie down with the baby for a while."
Mom to two boys, ages 8 and 11, and one blessing due May 8th.
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Originally Posted by heldt123
I think if people come bringing food I won't mind a few visitors!
Kerrie Mama to DD 10 yo, DS 8 yo and DD 5
We're giving birth at a birth center, so I'll be let go within 12 hours at the most. I like the idea of the sign on the door, though I can't imagine any of friends showing up unexpectedly. In the area where I live, people usually call first.
My ILs seem laid back and don't seem to mind if they don't see the baby in the first hours. So we'll call when things are over and let them know; they live 10 hours away and are welcome to come right away or wait. We've let them know that we won't put them up like we normally do and that the evening is for DH, me and baby.
I'll need to talk to DH about how long various visits will last. It would drive me crazy to have visitors in my house all day long and I don't know what else his parents will do; they don't seem to do much (or want to do much) unless we suggest it and go with them. Anyway, we'll probably be straightforward about it; we've found that approach works best. Polite and direct.
My mom is coming to help out during the days for the 1st 2 weeks. I'm not sure what she'll do and I hope she doesn't work herself to death. She's a clean freak in her own house, and we're not like that. I'll let a few dust bunnies collect from time to time, and I would rather she not work too hard.
My IL's live 2.5 hours away and won't be coming right away. MIL is planning to come for the weekend a couple weeks after the birth.
My AP group is really good about bringing meals and the moms are awesome about only staying for an hour or so and then leaving. So I think it will all be great.
Homeschooling mama to 3 Italian babies. Due with #4 on Sept. 28! Planning a rockin' Homebirth.
Our out of town relative ( MIL ) is coming, but not until 3 weeks post EDD. We planned it that way to have a long babymoon without anyone sleeping in the house with us.
This time, I want those people who love us and will love our DS around us. I want all that positive energy to celebrate with us. I've been on strict bedrest since 19 weeks and couldn't have done it without my family and friends. They're support has been overwhelming. So I've opened up the birth to those who I know will be respectful of my choices and take away a lot from the experience. We are also offering to have family (yes, all of them) come stay with us after the birth. I can think of nothing better than to have my two children surrounded by people who love them and us. We have informed everyone that our bedroom is off limits and we'll use that as our space when we need time away from the group. I can't wait!
That sounds cool, too. Although it wouldn't work for me at this point, I think it's great you all know what works well for you.
Really it's just a matter of us preggos figuring out what we want and ASKING for it or demanding if the relatives are hard headed. :LOL
It wouldn't have worked with us with our DD, had she been full term and healthy. Our family had a totally different make up then and the "Mothers" weren't very respectful of us as their children. Now they are more aware that this is MY house and MY children and what I say goes.
I agree that we need not be shy asking or demanding what we need or want. I think often we're too polite with family and friends, and we miss out on what we need. Hopefully everyone will have the babymoon they want.
Anyway, I make it clear to anyone that visits, that I won't be cooking big meals for everyone and the house may be in disarray. I definitely do not play hostess after a new baby is born. I think everyone understands- even if it is a new idea for them.
other than that, we're going to be having short, sweet visits, and make it clear ahead of time that we're not providing big meals, entertainment, or a spotless apt. for anyone. I plan on staying in my bathrobe for a couple weeks, just to drive home the point!
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