I'm feeling better now. I think it was good for me just to get that out of my system by sharing. I appreciate your kind words and good wishes.
It's great you were able to leave without making the appointment!
I'm so non-confrontational... I probably could've avoided my CNM's snooping if I hadn't been putting off the subject of my feelings about interventions.
Why do we need to be put in the position of defending ourselves like defiant children, though???? And how can the medical community get away with ignoring informed consent obligations & even lying to mothers in order to bully us into submitting to these tests & procedures - which are usually not presented to us as choices at all.
Obviously, I am having to try very hard to push these feelings aside for the time being, but now that dh's work week is over, I was actually able to have a relaxing bath last night and let some of it go.
And today is going to be a good day. We're taking dd to a birthday party at 3PM complete with a hay ride on a John Deere tractor.
No one will be surprised to see me there, at least. And dd will have a blast! Lately, I haven't been quite the source of entertainment I once was. She had a great play date today, too.
After the party, we have a 5:30 appt. to see CPM.
She'll be checking my cervix this time and possibly stripping my membranes. I really want to see things start on their own, but I am such a slow starter. I dilated to 5cm with Zeta over the span of a month and a half without going into active labor. Labor started slowly 5 hours after CNM "took my plug."
She was born at 41wks 1day, 24 hours after my membranes were stripped.
When CPM checked my cervix on 9/21, I was 1 cm dilated and baby was at 0 station. Chances are, I've continued to progress.
I think baby is safe and healthy in there, but also believe in my case, baby is ready. Stripping my membranes is still an intervention, but it is less invasive than breaking my waters or even taking castor oil. We're open to CPM's opinion tomorrow.