Those of you keeping sex a surprise, why? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 09:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious as to everyone else's reasons...

I am not finding out the sex because of the exposure issue, as well as my feelings of not wanting to have any sort of guilt about carrying another boy baby. I desperately want a girl. I know that after the birth I will have no feelings of wanting anything but what I'm currently nursing, but for me that bond doesn't begin in earnest until labor/birth.
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#2 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 01:16 PM
 
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We don't find out because it is the only real surprise that we really have . We love choosing our 2 names and going through labor/birth and finally...."It's a....!!!!!!!!" It's great!! I love not finding out ahead of time.

I know that some people find out b/c they want to prepare themselves, my cousin found out b/c she had super high hopes for a girl and didn't want the total disappointment when a boy was born (which is what she had-now has 4 boys)
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#3 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 01:48 PM
 
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I didn't find out with my daughter, because I wanted to be surprised! My MIL always says her favorite thing about the pregnancy/birth experience was asking "What is it?" after her babies were born. It's kinda nice to hear "It's a girl!" or "It's a boy!" ya know?
We found out this time, because Adam wanted to. I think he wanted to prepare himself in case this one was a girl as well (and she is!) -he really wants a boy. :| It's his baby too, so this time, I figured I'd let him have say in this choice, since he doesn't get to do as much as I do.
Next time though, I'm fighting for a surprise. I LOVE the surprise!

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#4 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 02:32 PM
 
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I too love the excitement of pulling the baby up onto my belly from the midwife and finding out just who he/she is at that very moment. Nothing better in the world for me.

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#5 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 02:48 PM
 
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The simple answer is that we're not doing any ultrasounds (unless, of course, there is a real medical need).

The more complicated answer is that I believe gestation is perfectly designed. Not only is there the perfect amount of time for developing the physical body of the baby, but it's the perfect amount of time for mom and baby to get to know each other/bond. I'm hesitant to do anything that would interfere with that.

This may explain it better:

http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/SKonUS.html
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#6 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 04:31 PM
 
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I opted not to get any ultrasounds this pregnancy, unless medically necessary. I wasn't about to get the optional 20 week one they do just to find out the sex of the baby. I'm also just very thrilled that we will have a whole other element to the birth, when we look to see if it's a boy or girl and then pick a name from the two lists we have. We want to see and meet the baby before we choose for sure what name. So it just seems right in many ways for us.

 

 
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#7 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 05:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorin_Mama
The more complicated answer is that I believe gestation is perfectly designed. Not only is there the perfect amount of time for developing the physical body of the baby, but it's the perfect amount of time for mom and baby to get to know each other/bond. I'm hesitant to do anything that would interfere with that.

:
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#8 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 05:18 PM
 
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We really like the idea of a surprise. There are so few surprises out there and this is a really great one. There are times when i wish i knew if the baby were a boy or girl - but then i just get excited to find out in october! It really isn't THAT far away! Plus, it is really fun when people try to play the guessing game.

Also, we decided not to have any ultrasounds unless there is a medical need. I can't really explain my reasoning except to say that it just doesn't feel right (or necessary). The strange part about this decision is that it just kinda happened for us. We had completely planned on seeing the baby via ultrasound between weeks 16 and 20. We had our midwives call in the "order" for the ultrasound but then never made the appointment. My husband and I talked about it about 2 weeks after they had called in the order and decided that we really didn't need or want to do it. After making that decision, it felt so right for us. It has been a bit challenging at times to explain that to parents and friends (i have a really close friend who is also pregant right now) but whatever, this is our babe...and most of them understand that. It's nice to know that there are other people out there that are also choosing to not have an ultrasound. It seems pretty rare.
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#9 of 21 Old 06-07-2005, 11:56 PM
 
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I enjoy the surprise, especially hearing "it's a _____!" on the birth-day. Not knowing sort of lets me be a mom to a boy OR a girl for those 40 weeks. I'm already a mom to a boy, so if it turns out to be another boy, then this was my time to be a girl's mom for a little while. I'm not explaining this very well. Let's just say I like the mystery.
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#10 of 21 Old 06-08-2005, 12:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patti Ann
I too love the excitement of pulling the baby up onto my belly from the midwife and finding out just who he/she is at that very moment. Nothing better in the world for me.
EXACTLY! Some will say that you can be surprised at the ultrasound too. That is not the same!

Also, some say they find out because they DO hope for one gender over the other so want to "prepare" themselves if it isn't the hoped for gender. I disagree. I think the more you care, the higher the reason to wait to find out until the birth. I have known many moms and dads to be disappointed at the ultrasound and taking weeks or months to come to terms with it. I have known a few to be disappointed at the birth - for about half of a second! You are HOLDING YOUR BABY! How disappointed can you be?? My dad wanted a boy (I am the oldest of three kids) and was clearly less than thrilled to have a girl when I was born. But as soon as he held me, he fell in love and I was the apple of his eye til the day he died. I could not have been more adored by my father had I been a boy. The "Daddy's Little Girl" song makes me cry - I'm crying now just thinking of it!

I also don't do unnecessary ultrasound exposure.

It is just one of the most wonderful moments - why mess with such a perfect moment? Would you want to be told who your spouse would be - when you are ten? No, give me time to dream, imagine who that is - don't tell me!
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#11 of 21 Old 06-08-2005, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten
My dad wanted a boy (I am the oldest of three kids) and was clearly less than thrilled to have a girl when I was born. But as soon as he held me, he fell in love and I was the apple of his eye til the day he died. I could not have been more adored by my father had I been a boy. The "Daddy's Little Girl" song makes me cry - I'm crying now just thinking of it!
I bet your mom, though, awash with all the hormones of labor and delivery couldn't have been disappointed if she tried.

My 3rd son's birth, which I have related here before, was ideal--we laughed through labor, my midwife was hysterical that day, and laughing was perfect for me. When things got serious (only when I began pushing), the room was inundated with quiet, my friend said, "We're about to meet your baby," and this deep serious feeling came over us. The attending nurse, who also happened to be one of my dearest childhood friends said, "We'll let you announce the sex." I was squatting next to the bed, my husband was supporting me and crying and laughing, and as the baby crowned, and then his shoulders, and we reached down....

**interruption to let you know that I desperately wanted a girl. This whole pregnancy had been different with this baby, and I was a little convinced by others that it *was* a girl. I had girl clothes in the baby's room, etc.***

....and pulled up our red-headed son together. We looked and both laughed and cried with joy as we announced to the room, "It's a boy, it's our son!" :

There was never a shred of disappointment. And, I *know* I would have finished gestating with a feeling of disappointment had I known in advance he was a boy. I'm not proud of that, but knowing, and admitting the truth about myself is really liberating somehow. So, this baby too, will enter our lives as a little mystery baby. I can't wait!
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#12 of 21 Old 06-08-2005, 09:31 AM
 
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This is my first child, and honestly, it really doesn't matter to me. I'm also not getting an ultrasound unless truly necessary. Also, it's nice to kind of delay the gifts of gender-coded clothes and toys from family and friends.

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#13 of 21 Old 06-08-2005, 11:31 PM
 
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I don't want the U/S exposure & finding out wouldn't change anything for us. There's really nothing to prepare for.

Lola , loving my DH, Mama to & we &
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#14 of 21 Old 06-09-2005, 01:09 PM
 
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I too love the surprise! With my first one I felt like I was so in tune with my body when I knew his sex before he was born....don't worry I know that is crazy.
Plus knowing lots of people that have found out I have never liked that you know everything about the baby except it's size and birth date before it is born! It's just not as exciting for everyone around you. My BIL and SIL have found out and we know the babies name, and in their case (scheduled c-section) the day he will be born! So when the baby is actually born it's like "oh yah!"
Not really a reason I guess....it's just takes the fun out of having everyone guess what you are having for nine months.
Plus to me it never mattered which I was having the first one I didn't have either so which ever I got was fine....and this one if I have a boy another would be great but a girl would be fine too because it would be different.

But now that my ultrasound is tomorrow DH wants to find out..... I can see his reasons why....it would be nice to be ready for the baby. Focus on one name so I can pick the exact right one, have the birth announcements ready and the baby's room in the appropriate colors....all of that stuff can be done after but it's not NEAR as easy.
And after all the reasons I don't want to find out...I almost want to find out to see which way I prefer...knowing, or not knowing.
But then I woke up this morning feeling like I am betraying the baby by finding out. Must be those CRAZY pregnancy dreams again!

Thing is I personally think it is a girl....so I am 100% focused on girl's names. What happens if it turns out to be a boy? I won't be at ALL prepared!



edited to add*** If we do find out it will be our secret. We will TRY not to let it slip to anyone so that they still get the surprise.
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#15 of 21 Old 06-09-2005, 01:22 PM
 
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we didnt find out the first time and wont this time for alot of the reasons listed above.....we all sleep together and I am not decorating the 'family' bedroom pink or blue and no matter what kinda kiddo this is, its still wearing the same clothes my (born in October also) dd wore the first 3 or so months (everything neutral, and we saved it all, lol).

mostly, though..because it didnt feel 'right' knowing ahead of time. there is no window into the womb.
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#16 of 21 Old 06-11-2005, 03:07 AM
 
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It's a lot more fun this way. I get the surprise. I get to needle people who think I'm abnormal for not finding out, in the most passive-agressive way possible. I get to make that many more baby clothes.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#17 of 21 Old 06-13-2005, 10:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MelMel
mostly, though..because it didnt feel 'right' knowing ahead of time. there is no window into the womb.
:

What a perfect way to put it!
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#18 of 21 Old 06-17-2005, 06:36 AM
 
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We're not finding out for a few reasons - first, we honestly don't care. I know that sounds kind of out of place, not to "care" about the gender, but maybe it's more appropriate to say it really doesn't matter to us. We've been married four years and have been planning and talking about our baby for a long time - gender never entered the conversation.

Also - I am just so excited to hear "It's a.......!" and am hoping that it's a wonderful surprise and reward for the hard work of labor.

Finally, I am trying my best not to overindulge in purchases for the baby. First, I'm not keeping any baby stuff in my house before the birth (superstitious) so any small things we buy will be stored at my sister's. I figure if we don't know the gender, I can't spring for a cute newborn dress at the mall - stuff I certainly won't need and we can't afford anyway.

Excited!!!!!!
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#19 of 21 Old 06-17-2005, 12:56 PM
 
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There is nothing like the surprise of pulling your baby up on your stomach and finding out if it is a boy or girl. I have done both and the surprise at the ultrasound is nothing like the surprise when they are born.
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#20 of 21 Old 06-17-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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I could tell you that I want to avoid ultrasound exposure and that I think it's more exciting for family and friends to wait until the birth, and those things would be true. However, my real reason is that I am just plain uncomfortable with the idea of knowing. I feel like I'd be invading the baby's privacy or something. Just my crazy emotions I guess.

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#21 of 21 Old 06-20-2005, 09:11 PM
 
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I prefer a suprise.
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