I will think about this for a little bit, but after reading a thread in the Dec DDC area about people's birthing fears, I thought it might be a healthy thing for us to do here, to just voice what we are afraid of, and see if anyone has experienced our particular fears, and to just be validated and comforted and discuss what our birthing and laboring fears are.
I'll be back after the kids are in bed and "The 4400" is over
My fears, to be honest, are related to reading too much of my Midwifery stuff. I've put it all away except to answer other's questions.
I'm not going to catalogue them, but here are some of my normal fears:
--something wrong with the baby.
--having to transfer for a non-emergent reason (I can't actually think of one, but it could happen!)
I think that's it.
You know, this time, I'm not scared at all. I even know there's pain involved, and I'm excited for the opportunity to have a truly natural birth.
I guess if I have any fear, it's that the universe will hear me with this excitement and put my baby in transverse and keep him there well after 43 weeks, or something!
I'm afraid of having a difficult moment in this birth scare me unnecessarily. My last birth was natural but VERY hard, and I'm afraid of getting triggered and panicking when in fact it's a different experience. And I'm afraid of having the baby be posterior again, although I have more resources for how to deal with that than I did last time.
You know, I had alot of anxiety during the first trimester, for some reason, about the actual birth. But now, I really have no fear about the birth. I think doing hypnobabies has helped alot. I'm just starting the course, but I've read the material off and on since I got it however long ago. I keep feeling my baby- yep, he's head down, I know I can get him in the right position rocking on hands and knees. When the time is right, I keep imagining myself going into the bathroom, running the water, lighting some scented (lavendar!) candles, turning down the lights, and squating in the tub, and catching my little guy with my own two hands. I can't wait.
having to go to the hospital. and after pains (not really birthing, but related) have always been my two biggest fears.
delivering too early to have a homebirth (baby is at 0 station now, has been for weeks, and I have a history of walking around pretty darn dilated before I go into labor). This was not a fear of mine until I recently watched a video called "What Babies Want", which really just reinforced my views on gentle birth and bonding. Since I am so aware of those things, I think it would be even more difficult to have a NICU baby, knowing that I couldnt just turn the lights down, hold baby skin to skin, etc, that I would be at the mercy of technology to keep my baby healthy and get baby strong.
needing to transport for an emergency reason during my homebirth, time sensitive type issue
going over 41 weeks. I know this sounds lame, but my last baby was 9 lbs 4 oz, and the idea of going to 42 weeks, knowing I would have an 11 pound baby, frightens me. Im not worried about a 10 pounder. Im worried about bigger than that. Nine four was really not a big deal, all things considered, but my midwife just delivered an 11 lb 14 oz baby last week, and I got to hear all about the reality of really delivering a large baby like that. How many positions my midwife tried to use, maneuvers from Spiritual Midwifery's Ina May Gaskin, second guessing herself after the fact even though mom and baby are doing fine, that kind of thing.
Having a long, difficult birth. Grace was 16 hrs in the hospital, no meds. Lily was 3 1/2 hrs at home. Lily's birth was ideal. I am truly believing that my labor will be longer with this baby, and would be pleasantly surprised if it were shorter. I dont want any preconceived ideas about how long or short labor should be to make labor mentally more challenging to me. I really want to be prepared for dealing with a longer, harder labor, so that if thats what I get, I can manage it well. But I am afraid I will be upset. My mom was in labor with me for 7 hrs and less with my little brother. When I passed the 12 hr mark during labor with Grace, I was actually pissed, I just didnt understand why my labor was so much longer than hers, I felt cheated or something. I didnt know much then, obviously. But Im concerned that some of that might show up again during this labor, since I had such a nice short labor last time.
Curiously, Im not at all afraid of baby coming too fast for my midwife to get there. My husband is very levelheaded and would be a great candidate for baby catching. Heck, I even think I could handle talking my oldest daughter through what might be necessary if that's what it came down to. I have heard and read time and again that when baby comes fast like that, generally it means everything is fine and dandy, just go with it, and for gosh sakes dont hold back and try to keep baby in longer unless the cord prolapses or something crazy like that. I know to get in the tub and get myself all nice and hydrated if it seems like things are moving quickly, because I will perhaps tear less badly if I am well hydrated... that sort of thing.
Im not afaid of poop, but I am afraid of vomiting. I was not nauseated during transition with my first, and was nauseated for about 90 seconds during my 5 minute transition with Lily. But you just never know, births are so different.
Im sure I will come up with more! But those are the things off the top of my head.
I am constantly worrying about what position my baby is in. Idon't know why becasue all three of the others were in the right position before i gave birth. I have been goping to that website spinningbabies and no matter how i try I can't figure out where this baby is at.lol i know I feel most of the hard kicks above my belly botton and mostly on the left side. But I also feel some hard movements against my left hipbone. Very confusing. lol At my last appt the baby was head down so I really just can't wait to hear that agian.
I'm not to worried about having to be transported to the hospital because I am pretty confident that won't happen. I'm also not worried about the midwife not making it in time because I have a very level headed husband as well. I am worried about him not getting her in time though. He works a hour and a half away.
Honestly my biggest fear is the baby's head crowning. I can handle the pain of labor, it does get very intense but I can find ways to cope with it. When the baby's head crowns I completely lose control. The pain is just so hard. With my last I knew that was my weakness and I tried so hard to find a way to work throuhg it and to relax but I still ended up tensing up and screaming like a maniac. lol luckily it doesn't last more than a few minutes and it is done.
Gosh I am all over the place on this one...I guess I am afraid of the midwife not getting here on time and at the same time I don't want them here...I was really irritated by all the people in the house last time. I am leaning towards not calling them at all.
My husband may or may not be there...that doesn't scare me...but if he'sthere then we will call the midwife because he will need to...I am hoping they will let me labourin peace this time and I am refusing all sorts of checks and such also which I allowed last time.
I do have a different midwife...I really really like her. I haven't really talked aboutthe actual birth with her so I will make my decision when to call her after that.
If I decide to go unassisted I am simply going to reassure her that I will call her as soon as I need her..which is the actual truth.
Emomom...can I just reassure you about the big baby thing? My niece was born vaginally without episiotomy, easy-peasy at 12lb2.5oz...I was there...it was a very straightforward natural birth with few interventions(for a hospital birth) It was incredible...Her first baby was 10lb 6 and she went in labour a week early...they estimated teh baby to be 9lbs by the ultrasound and had actually booked her for an induction 3 days later but she went in labour.
you will be able to birth your baby no matter how big. I think positioning means more than anything...get your baby's head down and relax!
My baby kicks really low sometimes, and I have this fear that he will kick in the wrong spot too hard and break the water before it's time! I dunno, I read something about baby putting their foot through the bag and that thought has just stuck for some reason!