Uuugh, i'm at 30 weeks now, and it all still feels very unreal. i don't know why--i mean, after having two other kids, you'd think i'd be used to the idea! But i'm completely unprepared. No nesting, nothing is ready. I haven't bought anything; i really don't need to, as there are enough odds and ends of clothes and blankets, etc left over from when Willow was a baby (you know, there are plenty of the necessities that i didn't feel were nice enough to give away). But i don't have the crib or swing any other big baby stuff in the house yet (they're at my grandma's, in storage); i don't even have room for that stuff if i wanted it here, though i keep telling myself i'm going to clear a spot in our bedroom for it. It was alot easier when i had a whole room to use for a nursery with the others! I guess maybe seeing the whole thing evolve, from the furniture to the full dresser drawers, made baby's arrival seem closer and closer. I haven't made a sling yet, haven't bought diapers or anything like that. The bag isn't packed (should it be by now?).
Every time i see pregnant ladies, or someone with a baby, i feel jelous. It takes a conscious effort to go "you know, i'm having one of those too." It's not that i'm not aware of the baby growing in me; i feel her move around all the time, and i think about her all the time, i daydream about the holidays with her, but i don't know; i don't feel like i know her yet.
i'm just kind of floating through this right now.
i'm posting alot today, lol, me me me me me!!! i'm just feeling so crappy right now; not physically, just, i dunno, i want to run away for awhile! There are so many LITTLE things that are just adding up and weighing me down right now; it's like the whole world is imploding on me, one little pebble at a time.