One son with/one without - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 02:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't want to start a major philisophical debate or get anyone upset, but I was wondering if anyone has been through a similar experience:

My husband and I went back on forth on whether to circ our first son and ultimately decided to do it so he would be "like Papa." Now we are expecting another son and don't want to circ him.

So, as a woman who cannot possibly understand how an older boy or man feels about his penis, my fears are that 1) older son will be mad at us for his circ; and 2) younger son will feel weird that he is not like older brother and father.

Has anyone shared this experience or know someone else who has?

Thanks,

Susan~Mama to Atticus (2003), Creeley (2005), Townsyn (2007) and a fourth boy on the way in 2011!
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#2 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 03:08 AM
 
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Greetings,
I have three boys. One is circed, one is half @$$ circed, and one completely intact

My first son was circed by lazer at 2 yrs old.. : :
I was completely misinformed and still ashamed that I was, had a urologist tell me due to my sons penil adhesions that he would have severe problems later in life : omg, how I still beat myself over this!

My second son was circed at 2 months.. a loooooooong battle with his father. I just had this horrible feeling about the circ, told my X that I would NOT care for his penis until it healed. Well, my feelings were correct, my son still has forskin on one side of his penis and gets infections. :

My third son, well that was a no brainer when he came. By this time my X had finally came to the conclusion that circing him was a bad idea.. too bad he did not feel this was 14 months prior!!!

If I could go back and change, YES ALL THREE OF MY BOYS WOULD BE INTACT.
None of them really seem to have a problem with the others penis.
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#3 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 03:26 AM
 
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I'd suggest reading through the Case Against Circumcision board. Many mothers have faced this question and you can find a lot of information there.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#4 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 03:31 AM
 
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A friend of mine's DH is circumcised. Their Four sons are NOT!

Once, when the boys were showering all together with dad, they asked their dad about it, and he simply said that it was a decision that his parents made for him, and when he and their mother had the four boys, they decided not to do that to them...

The oldest son said, "Gee, Dad, it looks like they made a mistake with you!"

Out of the mouths of babes...

My experience is that the ones who have the bigger problem are the ones who are circumcised. JMHO.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#5 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 09:43 AM
 
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I'm not on your due date board, but I had to respond. I have three sons. With our first, we were terribly misinformed about everything, including circ. So, he is circ'd. But, my second two are intact. My boys have never mentioned it or asked. If they do, we'd tell them about it (without mentioning that we felt we made a mistake!).

My circ'd son is the one we have the most problems with. He has had more UTIs and "rubbing" problems (I don't know what else to call it - his penis just gets red and irritated sometimes). The other two have had no problems.
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#6 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 11:43 AM
 
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my husband is circ'd. He is adamantly opposed to it and I happen to agree.

I think when you know better you do better...that's how you explain to your oldest son...tell him you made the choice for him without a complete understanding...with his brother you decided to let him make the choice for himself.

I think both your sons will respect that you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.

good luck!
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#7 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 01:14 PM
 
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All of mine are intact but this seems to be *VERY* common. Parents make a decision, then later rethink it and don't do the same the next time around. I know quite a few people who have done this. Try posting on the pregnancy board & see how many responses you get!!

Theres a cute story from the secretary of the birthing center I use. She has three sons, the oldest circ'd the younger two not. She once overheard her youngest in the tub, playing with his newly retractable foreskin (i'm using A & B rather than names of the children - which I don't know anyway hehe) "Now I look like A, now I look like B" back & forth. hehe.

Aisling
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#8 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 01:53 PM
 
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My oldest is circ'd and my youngest isn't, neither will this baby if it is a boy. Now that I know what I know I just couldn't circ him just so that he looked like his brother and his dad. I didn't know any better with my first. I also have a 10 and 3 year old brothers who are not circ'd and the subject has never come up. I hope it never does. lol
My husband is circ'd and his brother is not. I don't really know why but I know that his brother is always telling him he feels bad for him lol.
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#9 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow! Thank you all so much! I knew I could find support here.

We know we aren't going to do it...we just didn't know how to deal with whatever might come up. But I think we'll just go with the flow and it will be fine.

It's amazing how parenting brings new lessons every day. You just never stop learning, heh?

Susan~Mama to Atticus (2003), Creeley (2005), Townsyn (2007) and a fourth boy on the way in 2011!
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#10 of 15 Old 08-22-2005, 11:43 PM
 
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My little guy is circed, but this one won't be.DH is, and for the record, he can't remember if his father is or not, so I don't think this is a big deal.

But then, what do I know? I'm a girl.
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#11 of 15 Old 08-23-2005, 04:40 PM
 
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My friend circed her first son, because she left the decision up to her husband since he was the one with the penis. Her son has had so many problems with his penis, and she's always taken care of it by the book, but for some reason, he is more prone to infections circed. So she did not circ her second son, and so far he's had no problems.

We aren't circing any boys we may have. My boyfriend isn't circed, and I can't imagine circing our sons. We feel, it's his to begin with, let him make the decision when he's older.

I asked my boyfriend how many circed/uncirced penises he saw when he was in the army and in high school and he looked at me like I had three heads. "There's an unspoken rule about not looking down." he said. lol :LOL

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#12 of 15 Old 08-23-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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My first is circed. The rest aren't. There has been discussion about penises in my house because my older son is 9, and curious about the differences. When we discussed it, I apologized to him for allowing such a thing to occur. It is the one thing about my parenting him that I sorely regret. I always will. My biggest mistake.

Good for you for choosing not to circ your son.
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#13 of 15 Old 09-11-2005, 07:31 AM
 
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My first son is not circ'd. I firmly do not believe in it and believe that I made the right decision. However, since I was a single mom long before birth, I got to make the decision myself.

This time around, dp and I are arguing and arguing about it. It pretty much boils down to his son looking like him in the shower. I have shown him articles, research, etc, but to no avail.

If it is that important to him, I am almost ready to give in, but feel like I will regret it later.

Some advice?
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#14 of 15 Old 09-11-2005, 08:40 AM
 
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I can tell you this...

If my husband (who is not the father of my first child, so similar to your situation) insisted that we mutilate our son's genitals, it would be the first step down the path to divorce. I feel THAT strongly about not harming my children. I would probably hate and resent him the rest of our marriage if he refused to listen to me.

There are simply some things that we do not get to choose for our children. Cutting off an important part of my son's genitals falls into this category.

There are also some things that are supremely undebatable for me. I would never argue with my husband about whether or not I was going to breastfeed--I am. Period. He doesn't get to make that decision. He doesn't get to make this one either.

In my husband's defense, our conversation was short and sweet. I told him we were not circing. He said, "Okay." The end.

I suspect that you will sincerely regret it. That it will cause resentment and anger and there is very little healthy space there.

You might want to visit the Case against Circ board for tips. The people there have way more advice than I might.

One other thing you might try is asking him to WATCH a circumcision. If he can still want his son to have it done after that, then I would be shocked.

Fight for your son. Please.
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#15 of 15 Old 09-11-2005, 10:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dylan27
My first son is not circ'd. I firmly do not believe in it and believe that I made the right decision. However, since I was a single mom long before birth, I got to make the decision myself.

This time around, dp and I are arguing and arguing about it. It pretty much boils down to his son looking like him in the shower. I have shown him articles, research, etc, but to no avail.

If it is that important to him, I am almost ready to give in, but feel like I will regret it later.

Some advice?
My view is...whoever belongs to the penis in question, should be the ONLY person allowed to make such a decision.

I think you most likely will regret it later.
I would not give in, just because. You can always circ later, you can't UNcirc later.

I do not think your son will truly care about looking like his father. I have not heard of any men that have hang ups about not being circed like their fathers. Maybe there are some, but then he can decide to get circed.

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