My "D"H is being a jerk - Mothering Forums
October 2005 > My "D"H is being a jerk
RachelGS's Avatar RachelGS 11:56 AM 09-04-2005
There should be a rule that the partners of women who are eight months pregnant arrange to behave decently for a while. He has just been such a grouch lately, and I'm just soooooo tired of it. It's really wearing on me.

Patti Ann's Avatar Patti Ann 12:48 PM 09-04-2005
Sorry about that! My dh has been moody a little lately because he hasn't been getting his attention. Boy they want everything! Just wanted you to know you're not the only one.

Worldshakerz's Avatar Worldshakerz 01:56 PM 09-04-2005
Oh gosh, I feel you! Yesterday I went shopping at 3 different stores: the thrift store, the dollar store and the vitamin store so I could get stuff we needed and do it affordably. I had offered to buy my DH a sandwhich or something since he was hungry, etc. Anyhow, I came back without a sandwich because I thought it would be better to save the last few dollars we had for maybe gas or something until Thursday when DH gets paid again. I came home so proud of everything I'd gotten: I was going to go to Starbucks and get us coffee, but instead I found a coffee pot at the thrift store for $3 (and it works really great!), a dehydrator for $1.50, I got some of the supplies we need for the homebirth like extra sheets, wash cloths, etc. Anyhow, I got home and was telling him and he's like "Where's my food?" and I said I would just cook him a hamburger and he's like, "You didn't get anything I wanted" etc. I was so upset, I actually just stormed out to get his darn hamburger for Burger King, and I was sooo upset. So I brought him his burger, then I cried a bit because I just felt he totally didn't understand what it was like for me to go shopping at three different stores in a span of two hours, 8 months pregnant and chasing our 2 yr old. He finally apologized, but he has been grumpy like this for days and its really irking me. !!!!
freestyler's Avatar freestyler 02:42 PM 09-04-2005
Men can be such total babies it amazes me. My hubby is a great guy, but still bugs the living crap out of me sometimes. Right now DH is just NOT listening when I try to talk with him...he acts like because he works so hard AND does not sleep enough at night (a personal choice that HE makes!), he can just ignore when I talk because he's so tired. It is really really irksome.

Also, like you mentioned, he does NOT get what it is like to be eight months pregnant and try to get all the everyday things done, and does NOT get how totally exhausting that is. At least he doesn't gripe when I am too tired to make a meal, and he just cooks the meal himself, but he still seems to not grasp how difficult late pregnancy is. And as far as appreciating what it takes to be home all day with three kids, be hugely pregnant, keep the house clean, keep the laundry done and folded all the time, and keep eveyone clothes and fed,, he doesn't get it.

I agree, it should be illegal for partners to be less than saintly when we are huge with child!
Rach's Avatar Rach 05:58 PM 09-04-2005
I always say it's because he's pregnant! lol
I think our hormones and such tend to rub off on them and leave them acting moody.
RyvreWillow's Avatar RyvreWillow 06:40 PM 09-04-2005
freestyler, i think we're married to the same guy, lol. My hubby works weird hours, and never the same shift for more than a couple of days in a row, yet he waits til the last minute to grab a quick nap instead of sleeping through the day, or he comes home at a 11pm, but takes 4 hours to "wind down" and then complains that he doesn't get enough sleep. duhhh...

And the IGNORING, argh, i could kill him with my bare hands some days. Yesterday, i was having some major BH and nothing was helping, so i just went to my room and laid in front of the fan for half an hour to calm down...when i came back, he was passed out on the couch, and when one of the kids woke him up, he looked at me (i was still visably miserable) and said "i'm sorry honey, i wish there was something i could do; maybe you should lay down for awhile?" I DID!!! Sheesh! i could have given birth during his little nap, and he wouldn't have noticed!
Aka mommy's Avatar Aka mommy 04:28 PM 09-05-2005
Hope you all dont mind me adding my frustrations with "DH" too. With DD he was an angel. Foot rubs, nightly back massages, he'd even sit in the shower with me through the agonizing back pain just for a few minutes of relief. Seems like you're on your own with the 2nd lol!

Of course I try to remind myself that its not really his fault and that he actually has a legitimate reason for being a jerk at times (he has dissemenated lyme disease and the doc told me that he will behave off the wall, loopy and plain mean until the antibiotics have killed it from his brain). But still what 8 month pregnant woman wants to justify to her loopy DH WHY she is just too tired to make dinner??? Or wants to hear why he should be getting taken care of? He actually had the nerve to ask me "How sick does someone have to be before you will take care of them? Dead???"

UGHHHHH, i so badly want to take care of him and make him more comfy as im scared witless with what he has, but i also am running around after our 22 month old. Add to all of this the fact that he has been mandated to take a month and a half off of work and im ready to go check myself in lol. Sorry to be a whiner i just needed to get it out before i really do kill him with my bare hands lol
RyvreWillow's Avatar RyvreWillow 06:29 PM 09-05-2005
Originally Posted by Aka mommy
He actually had the nerve to ask me "How sick does someone have to be before you will take care of them? Dead???"
Oh wow, i think that one wins, lmao!
Aka mommy's Avatar Aka mommy 08:20 PM 09-05-2005
Whats the prize? A week vacation on a nice beach and a nonpreggo body? Hee hee or better yet a preprogrammed DH until things are under control lol
RyvreWillow's Avatar RyvreWillow 01:34 AM 09-07-2005
hmm...a vacation from the husband and kids, just as soon as the babies are weaned...well, i guess we better wait until everyone's out of diapers too, because husband's aren't so great with those there's attachment issues to consider...i guess when the kids are off to college, then you get to take that vacation. Sounds about right, huh? hehehe
Carsonsmama's Avatar Carsonsmama 01:06 PM 09-07-2005
I am so tempted to join this discussion but have to be so careful that I don't get into a three page rant.
My DH is usually just that....however lots is going on in life, he was given a promotion but they wanted him to stay on at his current job to cover while someone is off on medical leave....he did that and then Sept 1 was suppose to move date he has heard nothing. And now his company is threatening to is all a bit much with a baby on the way but really suck it up! That is all beyond his control!
Instead he is being a real terd to me.
I went to a blood hematologist about a year ago and he came with me....she went into a big rant about how if a women's body is completely heathly that she WILL NOT experience morning sickness and all the ailments that are"supposedly" part of pregnancy. She was saying that all these ailments are a result of unhealthy blood and thus the fault of the women.
DH LOVES that one...he said he would be more apathetic to me if he didn't know all that!
Thanks lady!
It is bad though....last night I let loose on him.
Our car needs new tires, I bought some and got it an appointment for it after he is done work today. I don't get off work till 4:30pm and no shop will take the car that late...and he FLIPPED as to why it is his responsibility to take the car in! : This is a man that thrives on doing things and taking care of me in the MANLY ways so I was like "Huh??" And he was furious that I think it is his responsibility to take car of "my" car (it's only mine when he doesn't want it kind of thing, otherwise it is ours!) I was very taken back cause he had NOTHING planned to do after work and said "FINE I will get off work early so that I can take it in...WHATEVER! Who knew it would be any kind of a deal never mind this HUGE of one!"
So then of course he gets thinking about it and comes back later to tell me that he will take it in. He doesn't mind. I said "NO WAY. It's obviously some big issue for you so I will do it"
Guaranteed he will get off work, pick up our son then come down and sit with me at the shop because it is something he enjoys being involved in...and that will just annoy me.
And my favorite part? He tells me after all this that he was just joking that he doesn't mind taking the car in at all and that I just took his joke seriously! Alrightttttty then! :LOL

Besides myself walking an emotional high wire I think he is too.....
Incredibly strange what this pregnancy is doing to us!
freestyler's Avatar freestyler 01:32 PM 09-07-2005
Good grief, why are our husbands acting like such morons?? That car business would have me fuming! I'd be like, "I didn't get the joke!" I HATE it when people say they were "only joking" but we just didn't have a sense of humor.....what a bunch of garbage. It's like this passive aggressive thing or something.

I agree with AKA Mommy! With our first babies, DH is all helpful and supportive, and then after that, for next babies, we're on our own! Yeh, like we should have to explain to them why we're so tired we can't make dinner. My hubby always gripes when there isn't dinner for him when he comes home, even though the house is clean, the kids are fed and washed and being read to, the dishes are all get the idea. But eeekkkk, he has "low blood sugar" and really needs food NOW. So have a snack, moron, and shut up! What is SO difficult about keeping a protein snack at work, and not going eight hours between lunch and dinner? For that matter, what the hell is so difficult about getting home before seven PM?? Is six o'clock really so impossible? If he would get his butt home earlier, he could actually join us for dinner and then there'd be something for him to eat! Otherwise sometimes all the food gets eaten----and I make a lot! Or often the kids and I have sald and tomatoes, but DH is not content with that----"I need protein!" What the ^&$#%^$ is it with men and their precious protein??? What, like the world is gonna collapse if they don't have protein at every meal? Gimme a break!!!

Last night I was really feeling crampy and sick, and having BH contractions bad in the middle of the night. I just felt lousy and kept waking up. I went into DH's room (he snores BAD so we sleep in separate rooms ), and he was reading. I asked if he could rub my back because I felt so lousy, but he said he "really needs to get some sleep now" and promptly turned off his light! He claimed it was so late, and he needed to sleep. I asked him why he wasn't sleeping already, it was so late!! He said he just needed to relax for a while. But of course, he was too tired to help me feel better! I insisted anyway, and told him I really needed to decrease my pain level so I could sleep! He rubbed my back, grudgingly, for a while.

Men are such total idiots sometimes. it makes me fume. I always wish I could live with a house full of doulas---no men--when I'm pregnant!
operamommy's Avatar operamommy 04:03 PM 09-07-2005
"So have a snack, moron, and shut up!"

That is the best line EVER. Can you imagine the look on his face if you actually said it? :LOL
freestyler's Avatar freestyler 04:25 PM 09-07-2005
Well, I say it more politely, something like, "I'm sure you can find a snack," but no matter what, the message never seems to penetrate his skull. Last night, he was sooooo pathetic. There was no dinner, because the chicken I was roasting was not done yet, so he scampered off to Trader joe's to get something. He comes home with one small container of sushi (gag), and aks, "Is the chicken done yet?? This is all I got because I assumed the chicken would be done by the time I got home." I'm like, ROFLMAO!! Men really are incredible. Now if a woman had gone to Trader Joe's, hungry and money no object, she would have bought everything under the sun that looked good and was relatively healthy (or not), and she might have even stocked up for the next week while she was at it. But there you have my bonehead DH, starving with his two pieces of rice & seaweed, complaining the dinner wasn't ready yet. Can't beat that, can ya??!!
RachelGS's Avatar RachelGS 11:34 PM 09-07-2005
Lol. Thank you all for commisserating. My DH has shaped up quite a bit since I pointed out that he was acting insane. We've had a good few days. It's amazing, though-- I think pregnancy would pretty much kill most men. They should be nice to us while we do it.
Carsonsmama's Avatar Carsonsmama 07:24 PM 09-08-2005
We must all just be at that point...maybe they are too.
My DH really put on a big show at the beginning of the pregnancy....I had lots of morning sickness so he was all sympathetic and loving for about two weeks of it...must've burnt himself out! :LOL
I guess I should've told him way back then to save some of that good stuff for the next nine months!!
Now this is funny! The other night our son fell asleep on the couch. Dh came and asked me if he should move him to his bed and I said of course! Couldn't you figure that one out on your own? Our son is almost three and weighs 40lbs...I lift him but both DH and I try to avoid it if possible, at the beginning of the pregnancy DH was always on my case if I lifted him....but DH had a tummy ache this night and he thought lifting our son and carrying him to his bed would be too much on his stomach....Guess who he wanted to do it? Cause yah that won't bother my stomach!!!
Pretty darn good sign that the apathy boat has sailed! :LOL

And am I the only one married to a man that still thinks I am DYING to have sex with his cranky

Glad to hear your husband has turned a corner Rachel....I am hoping mine is going to follow suit. Fingers are crossed!