Reactions to homebirth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-02-2005, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So for all of you who delivered at home do you get weird responses from people when they hear you had a homebirth? I know that homebirth is not mainstream, but homebirthing has been around since the beginning of time so why is it so shocking to people?

The first question we always get about Kayleigh's birth is: "So you really did have a homebirth and everything went ok??" Do people honsetly think i just told them i was having a homebirth for shock value or that im a liar and was making it up? And do people think im so dim as to actually have a birth where things werent ok and would put my child at risk??

UGHHH!! Dh keeps reminding me that out of our 250 members at our church i am the only homebirth and that its a very foreign concept to people. But i just get so frustrated and maybe its the hormones speaking, but why cant people just hear my wonderful birth story and say 'Congrats' like they would had she been born in a hossy?

And one last pet peeve. Ive been up and moving since the day after birth feeling awesome and no pain except afterpains. I went to church when she was just over a week old and everyone has asked how i am feeling. I say 'Amazingly wonderful' and they look at me like im lieing ( i mean do i really look that bad? I've lost 14 of my 18 lbs and had my hair and makeup done even). But they all seem to not believe that its possible to feel great after birth. I wouldnt make it up, im a wimp lol!

Sorry just had to see if anyone else gets these responses and how they respond back? My birth story that i share with mainstream is only positive and truthful about what an amazing and loving event the birth was. Dh even said i get a glow about me when im talking about the birth. So maybe i need to quit feeling so defensive and like i did something wrong (which seems to be what people insinuate)???

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#2 of 8 Old 11-02-2005, 09:52 PM
 
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Oh, I feel for you. I wish my plans had worked out.

My birth plans didn't work out, so now I get to listen to people tell me how glad they are that I had the baby in the hospital. Makes me so angry and sad all over again. How safe! How much better to be there if something had gone wrong! How good it was that I wasn't at home! Riiiight... I'm tired of this fight - even moreso now that I have had the baby than I was before the birth. They are all verily shocked when I still defend homebirth and how sad I am that my plans didn't work out.

I wish they'd just shut the up. My life situation wasn't optimal, and I am still sensitive about it.

So, even though I didn't get my wishes, I had as good a birth as I could with my situation, and though I don't think I'm having anymore kids, I'd still try for a homebirth, if given a different path, next time!

I love to read the birth stories of those who had their babies at home!
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#3 of 8 Old 11-02-2005, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(((hugs))) people just dont know when to shut up do they?

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#4 of 8 Old 11-03-2005, 12:02 AM
 
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Yes!!!

My favorite questions are: why did you decide to have a homebirth? did something happen with the hospital/doctor? (yes...it became waaaayy too medical for me) Is the midwife prepared for emergencies? what if something happens? (I love how ignorant some people are/can be~we live ONE BLOCK from a hospital )

I just have learned to educate them about it and refer them to LOTS of reading that I have done about homebirthing being safe and sane.
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#5 of 8 Old 11-03-2005, 01:54 AM
 
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Yeah, I know what you mean. It started before the baby was born. "You're doing it at home? No medication or anything? Oh you are brave, bless you!"

And the fact that it was UC had a few family members saying stuff like, "Oh, thank goodness your husband was there to catch the baby...." Like I couldn't catch the baby myself. Or stuff like, "Oh wow, that's the kind of story that gets in the news". And boy at first I was really irked that everyone was saying good job to Jamie about catching DD like he was a hero. I'm very happy he caught her but in a different way than anyone else seems to understand. Grrrrr. One surprisingly cool thing, I found out about my MIL is that she and all her brothers and sisters were born at home so she was cool with the whole homebirth, cooler than anyone else in the family.

 

 
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#6 of 8 Old 11-03-2005, 03:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh my, we get the same thing. Someone actually had the nerve to say to dh after learning he had caught Kayleigh "You're like prehistoric man, catching your baby like in the dark ages" Yes i had a complete blank stare on my face hiding the rage at being compared to apemen!!! And i also love the question "So there were like, no drugs since you were at home?" I just wanna say "No, we have a whole pharmacy in my fridge"

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#7 of 8 Old 11-03-2005, 11:16 AM
 
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I had a homebirth with Lily, and I got a few of those sorts of comments about how brave I was and how "I could never do that, not have the option for drugs" sorts of things. Thankfully I enver got any "why are you putting your baby's life in danger?" type comments, because quite frankly I'd have gone off about their misinterpretation of me wanting a homebirth for my own comfort and that I get off by risking my baby's life. I know moms who have gotten these sorts of comments and it drives me batty.

Once I'd given birth at home, I was fairly open about having had Lily at home, and planning another homebirth, I was also fairly open.

Other than my midwife, I am the only person at our church (400+) to have a homebirth. Im one of 4 moms who sling, and one of 3 who cloth diaper. (Our nursery pages you to change your cloth diapered baby, they dont change cloth!). Interestingly, several of the older women in my church were themselves born at home, and they have been a great source of support and encouragement for me. Miss Katharine (early 70s) told me her oldest brother owns the bed that she and her 4 siblings were born in!

Of course, with this birth having been unplanned unassisted, we get a lot of comments. I am fairly open about that as well. We think it was awesome and cool, though we'd have preferred our friend and midwife to be there. But it really was just not that big of a deal. Baby comes out, you support the head till the body is delivered, untangle baby from cord if necessary, and make sure she's breathing. Rob's like 'what? You just sorta do it!".

He is an awesome testimony for homebirth, having not planed to deliver our baby, but didn't think it was some massive heroic deed. Just normal. And natural.
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#8 of 8 Old 11-04-2005, 06:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Of course, with this birth having been unplanned unassisted, we get a lot of comments. I am fairly open about that as well. We think it was awesome and cool, though we'd have preferred our friend and midwife to be there. But it really was just not that big of a deal.
This. :LOL

The majority of people we know were aware that we were having a homebirth. I still got comments about it (i.e. shock and awe..lol) but not so many since we had done it before.

BUT...throw into the mix the fact that he came so fast we had a semi-unplanned UC (I was planning on doing as much UC as possible w/ the mw here in case I needed her)....OMG. :LOL I think they are more in awe of my dh tho b/c he "delivered" (their words NOT mine) Matthew.

Quote:
but didn't think it was some massive heroic deed. Just normal. And natural.
Funny b/c my dh has been kinda the same way. He told me he didn't understand why everyone was so shocked that he "delivered" the baby. He said, "...but I didn't deliver him...YOU did all the work." :LOL
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