Mamas of two, how is it going? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 12:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are having quite the adjustment here. Abigail is incredibly sweet with the baby, but we're seeing the fallout from this change just about everywhere else. She is defiant and fragile and cries very easily, and her sleep is disrupted. I feel awful that it is so sad and hard for her, even though she's excited about Ethan, and I also feel like a substandard parent. I'm short-tempered with her in a way that leaves me feeling depressed and guilty. I don't want to spend half my time scolding her, and that's what I feel like I'm doing. Two weeks ago I was enjoying her tremendously and felt like I was a good mother to her, and now I feel like she's so difficult and I'm handling my job so poorly. My entire set of baby blues experiences is revolving around my daughter, not my new baby. I'm really sad about it.
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#2 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 01:31 PM
 
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*Hugs* it is hard when they are young. My youngest is 5 and is taking it pretty well but I can see that it is affecting him a little. My older two are fine with it, they are really excited and want to be near her all the time. As for me, it's really rough trying to care for a newborn and handle the other three but they are helping me out a little so it's not too bad.
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#3 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 02:15 PM
 
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Rachel, I know exactly what you're feeling. Both of my kids are having issues. My 4 3/4 yo DS is acting out by being mean and rude and screaming at me when i ask him to do/not do something. Or even offer him dinner. My two yo who has been out of diapers for nearly a year is wetting on purpose, and also going through every thing your daughter is. I long for just a peaceful day, where no one yells at anyone, or cries, or fights. sigh.
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#4 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 02:20 PM
 
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My first week and a half was not pretty. I cried a lot, mostly because I was so sad about the change in DS#1. He has always been a perfect angel (okay, mostly perfect ). When the baby came home, DS became a really rowdy kid. I find myself losing my temper at him more than I'd like. I never really did that before. It was always a really gentle, quiet household.

I'm torn between attending to my toddler's needs, and also continuing the attachment-style parenting with DS#2. We co-sleep, BF, etc., so I'm covering a lot of bases there. But there are times when I HAVE to care for my toddler, and it is at the expense of the baby. For instance, yesterday DS#1 fell and hit his head. He was screaming like crazy, so I put the baby down to get ice on DS's head. Naturally, the baby started screaming. DS#1 never had to scream or cry for anything when he was a baby; we lived with my parents so he had 4 doting adults to cater to his every whim.

I just don't feel like I'm the same mom anymore. I was supermom to DS#1, and I don't feel like DS#2 has that same mom.
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#5 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 02:52 PM
 
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I have been going through the same issues of being very impatient with my DS. He is going to be 3 in February and he still needs lots from me and I feel guilty about how short-tempered I've been too. From what I am gathering though, this isn't all to uncommon when adding a new baby to the household. This week is going so much better. Last week I gave myself a sore throat from 2 days of way too much yelling and I have worked really hard to stay patient and not yell so much since then but it takes effort on my part. I really have to quell my temper and conciously hold myself back a lot. I

 

 
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#6 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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My five year old loves his brother dearly, but yeah, there are other areas where he's acted out. He had one night of night terrors - better than I thought that would be. He stayed up too late a few nights, refusing to stop playing (he's in his own room now), and then the next day, had one massive blowout including all his usual tactics - the "I want, no, I don't want" game over everything from his clothes, eating breakfast, to the final one of refusing to get on the bus for school. My husband overreacted, and the entire household was a mess for an hour. He's had a few more sessions of the "I want/don't want" game, and Devon tries to distract us if the baby is fussing and we are both focused on Trent.

However, Daddy made up for his bad behavior by taking just him bowling. He was also the student of the week, this week, as well as halloween being pretty much all about him. He's doing much better. I guess we'll go through cycles as the baby gets older and hits milestones.

I'll just try to remember that really working to give Devon extra attention - like one parent taking him out on his own to play - seems to help smooth things over. And try to learn other things that will help.
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#7 of 13 Old 11-03-2005, 09:35 PM
 
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I feel like I have been doing OK in this department. Although my DH has been having a hard time with the 2 older kids. I am always with the baby and he is having to spend a lot of time with them (a lot more than usual) and I think he is getting overloaded with them. DS1 is turning 4 in 2 days and he has started to have lots of 'accidents' and is not listening to directions and such but I think it is a phase. DD seems OK, she does seem angry with me and cling to DH a lot more than before. I think it's OK though. They used to have their Mommy all the time and now they have to share me with a new little being. I do feel horrible about not being able to spend as much time with them as before but I figure that is only for a short period of time...by then we will have adjusted to being a family of five.

It will get better...just keep loving and loving your little ones and snuggle with them when you can
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#8 of 13 Old 11-09-2005, 05:09 PM
 
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Our first 2 weeks were easy cheesy. Of course thats because dh was still home, now i am alone with both of them and i feel like im failing miserably in the mom department for my dear 2 year old daughter.

I am raising my voice much more then i care for and our tv needs to be thrown out. I am still unsure how im suppose to get out and about with both kids and keep everyone in tact, but i dont want to sit at home and keep my 2 year old inside while we still have the chance to go out with good weather. Im overwhelmed but still functioning somehow. I think my biggest fears are that im really screwing up my 2 year old with the lack of attentiveness she is use to and the lack of interaction (cant skip feedings for the newborn). I dont feel sad, just ready to get the hang of things so my dd's dont pay for it! Hopefully she wont remember any of these days!!!

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#9 of 13 Old 11-09-2005, 06:52 PM
 
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Well I have 4 more days with dh still at home to help out. It has been nice having him home...but I think I might hurt him if he stays home any longer...
I love him dearly...but he is getting on my last nerve. He loses his (usually great) patience with the older kids very easily, and they are crying a lot more than usual~with me it's rare... and it breaks my heart to hear them cry several times a day

SO I feel like I have 4 kids bc I'm always having to get between him and the kids So I look forward to Monday and being alone with the kids .

Other than that we are still hanging in there...the kids the baby! They aren't sniffly any more so they can get close to him again, they like that!
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#10 of 13 Old 11-10-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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I'll come back to this thread later (babys' waking up!)
BUt wanted to say that my toddler throws more fits than ever, is more emotional than ever, and more clingy than ever.
It's gotten MUCH better than it was when the baby was first born, and is getting better every day.

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#11 of 13 Old 11-10-2005, 05:52 PM
 
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Rach, yes my DS is the same and it is also getting better with time. Hey DS and baby are both sleeping right now! Should I sleep? Exercise? Do some dishes? I think I will lay on the recliner....

 

 
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#12 of 13 Old 11-11-2005, 03:50 PM
 
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April, how on Earth do you manage to get them to sleep at the same time and NOT on you?!
I am tandem nursing, and they will both nap ON me. Then, unfortuantely, I can not move for a hour or more until they wake up!!


Eva's behavior has changed drastically! She's still happy and hyper and silly, but when she's upset, the whole neighborhood knows it! She screams, throws fits, kicks things, throws things, hits things, it's so different from her usual tantrums. [She used to just cry and throw a fit and we'd tell her to go to her room until she was finished, and when she finished, she'd come back and we'd talk about it.]
She loves Ana, but doesn't love anyone giving attention to Ana. A few days after the birth, Adam was holding Ana and everyone was in the living room, so I could rest in the bedroom. Later, Ana fussed, so Adam brought me to her to feed and returned to the living room. Eva later noticed that Adam did not have Ana and immediately went into hysterics, ran to the bedroom, and threw herself on the floor screaming!! She didn't want me at the time, but she didn't want Ana wanting me either!
But I stress..it IS getting better!
It's just hard because everyone has to comment. My mother says she acts this way because we don't spank her : [I don't see how spanking a relatively well behaved, easy to talk with toddler would help her LATER when her whole world flipped upside down!] She's been called spoiled, and even now when my nephew is going through his terrible toddler phases (19 months old) his father blames my daughter for teaching him to behave this way!!
*le sigh*
I just can't wait until we all get back into our grooves and have adjusted to Ana and can get things back the way they were!!

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#13 of 13 Old 11-11-2005, 05:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rach
Eva's behavior has changed drastically! She's still happy and hyper and silly, but when she's upset, the whole neighborhood knows it! She screams, throws fits, kicks things, throws things, hits things, it's so different from her usual tantrums.
I'm going through the same thing with Atticus. He is 32 months. I feel so bad for him. He is used to being #1 all the time (only child, grandchild, nephew, etc.) I have very little patience right now and he is always on the verge of tears it seems.

I hope it gets easier...

Susan~Mama to Atticus (2003), Creeley (2005), Townsyn (2007) and a fourth boy on the way in 2011!
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