November 2, at 7:00 am, Connor Roy was born by emergency C-section instead of in the comfort of my own home. I'm not devestated, but definitely disappointed.
My uterus is aimed toward my back, and so Connor's head pressed into the sde of the birth canal instead of on the cervix. After 20 hours of increasingly dreadful contractions, I was only dilated to 2-1/2, and the pain was so awful I cried with each contraction. I was so exhausted I finally gave up and asked my midwife to take me in for an epidural. Once the epidural kicked in, my blood pressure dropped and Connor's heart rate plummeted to 55.
The doctor said I needed a C-section because at the rate I was progressing he couldn't gaurantee the stress wouldn't cause Connor permanent damage, and augmenting the contractions with drugs would just make things worse. He seemed put out that I turned to my midwife for her opinion. She said it seemed like the best thing at this point. So, I consented. When Connor came out, he was covered from head to toe in meconium.
My midwife and I have gone over events over and over again, trying to figure out what we could have done differently. We haven't found any viable alternatives.
For the first 2 days Connor stayed in my room with me. I kept him skin to skin and he slept on my chest. The second day, they measured his bilirubin and said it was too high and he had to go under lights. They would only bring him to me to be fed every 3 hours, and in the meantime they supplemented him with formula to try and flush out his system. I didn't like this because I needed to keep my milk up and didn't like him on formula, so they brought me a breast pump, and I put my colostrum in syringes and they fed him my colostrum instead. This was harder than the c-section because I didn't have my baby with me.
We had to rent a bilirubin box when we came home because his levels were still high but it was so hard to put him in there as much as they wanted to I held him in my arms next to the box instead. His levels probably would have dropped faster if I had been more compliant and given him the direct light but I couldn't stand the sound of his cries. I don't know how ANY parent can accept the "cry it out" philospohy of parenting. You have to shut your whole heart down to withstand your baby's cries!!!
Now we are off the box and Connor sleeps in my arms and spends his days in my lap, nursing whenever he darn well feels like it. I am amazed that two cells held the blue prints for the folds in his little ears, the code to his elbows, the instructions for each toe. He is so miraculous, and I can't help staring at him.
My only question now is what to do differently next time to avoid a repeat c-section.