Ted Haggerty on Oprah - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 03:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else see this? I think he and his wife are totally in denial. Sad.
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#2 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:02 PM
 
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I totally agree with you. It was very sad and difficult to watch.
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#3 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:07 PM
 
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In denial about what? (I don't watch Oprah but I am curious)

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#4 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:11 PM
 
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Yes, and clearly a hippocrite. Although, I think what his church did to him was WRONG! Do we really still live in a society that ban people from a community, making them leave the state they live in? My goodness! I thought that was just horrible for his wife & kids.

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#5 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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Yes, and clearly a hippocrite. Although, I think what his church did to him was WRONG! Do we really still live in a society that ban people from a community, making them leave the state they live in? My goodness! I thought that was just horrible for his wife & kids.
Yes buuuuut would he have done anything less to someone like him? It's wrong but talk about a taste of your own medicine, ykwim?

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#6 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In denial about what? (I don't watch Oprah but I am curious)
I am totally paraphrasing, but here goes ....

The wife said she knew about his homosexual tendencies before they married but thought he had resolved that issue as if you can really change your sexual orientation. He said he considers himself "gay with issues" or something to that effect.

Both implied homosexuality is a sin but that one can not act on the sin.
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#7 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, and clearly a hippocrite. Although, I think what his church did to him was WRONG! Do we really still live in a society that ban people from a community, making them leave the state they live in? My goodness! I thought that was just horrible for his wife & kids.
He totally deserved what he got, but I agree the church was horrible for doing so. What happened to love and forgiveness? They just wanted to avoid the shame and publicity.
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#8 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:26 PM
 
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I am totally paraphrasing, but here goes ....

The wife said she knew about his homosexual tendencies before they married but thought he had resolved that issue as if you can really change your sexual orientation. He said he considers himself "gay with issues" or something to that effect.

Both implied homosexuality is a sin but that one can not act on the sin.
Hmmmm....... the thought that one can just "get over it"... yeah... that's... off to say the least. But I personally know those who do believe acting on it to be a sin and therefore choose not to act on it. That in itself isn't denial. To each their own. Though if I remember correctly but a few years ago he wasn't trying too hard not to act on it Seems to me he's spinning because he got caught. Niiiice. That's not so much denial as PR, sadly.

I saw that he was on Larry King, too. Did he write a book recently or something? I thought this dude was gone from the spotlight for good. What changed suddenly?

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#9 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmmmm....... the thought that one can just "get over it"... yeah... that's... off to say the least. But I personally know those who do believe acting on it to be a sin and therefore choose not to act on it. That in itself isn't denial. To each their own. Though if I remember correctly but a few years ago he wasn't trying too hard not to act on it Seems to me he's spinning because he got caught. Niiiice. That's not so much denial as PR, sadly.

I saw that he was on Larry King, too. Did he write a book recently or something? I thought this dude was gone from the spotlight for good. What changed suddenly?
I guess when I say they are in denial, I mean they think they can just cure him of being gay and that he won't act on this again. The wife knew before they got married that he was gay but thought somehow that she would miraculously change that?

He has some HBO special coming out, so he's doing the interview circuit now.
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#10 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 04:54 PM
 
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I guess when I say they are in denial, I mean they think they can just cure him of being gay and that he won't act on this again. The wife knew before they got married that he was gay but thought somehow that she would miraculously change that?

He has some HBO special coming out, so he's doing the interview circuit now.
Yeah I know what you mean. As I didn't see it I don't know if they realize now he's not just going to voila be cured but hopefully like most people that knowledge has set in. When they were married (I am guessing decades ago?) the thought you could chose not to be homosexual and/or be cured was a lot more accepted than it is now although there are still a lot of people who still think that way for whatever reason.

That surprises me about HBO. I have HBO and I have to say now I am curious. Off to google!

Quick question- does it seem like he has changed at all? Now that he has gotten a taste of his own medicine is he a little... gentler I guess is what I mean.

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#11 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 05:17 PM
 
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Yes buuuuut would he have done anything less to someone like him? It's wrong but talk about a taste of your own medicine, ykwim?
No. Kidding.

He was one of the most outspoken leaders of the antigay church movement.

Irony. Noted.

What is so sad to me is that he's still so trapped in his own theology that he can't see how much happier he'd be if he just came out as gay, left his wife, and lived the life he was born to live.

I mean he of ALL people should know that if there is a god () that created him then he was created gay. He's spent his entire life fighting this and it's not going away. Dude. You are gay. Move on please!

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#12 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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Yes buuuuut would he have done anything less to someone like him? It's wrong but talk about a taste of your own medicine, ykwim?
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He totally deserved what he got, but I agree the church was horrible for doing so. What happened to love and forgiveness? They just wanted to avoid the shame and publicity.
I know what he preached was horrible and hateful, but what they did to his family was just as bad. And did not just effect him, it was his WHOLE family that had to suffer. Now if he just left his home & what not, I think I would not be feeling what I am feeling.
That being said, I think his wife is a nimrod. (Well so is he.) I think he identifies himself has heterosexual, with gay tendencies. My 11 yr old son, just called him bisexual & confused. LOL!

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#13 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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I know what he preached was horrible and hateful, but what they did to his family was just as bad. And did not just effect him, it was his WHOLE family that had to suffer. Now if he just left his home & what not, I think I would not be feeling what I am feeling.
That being said, I think his wife is a nimrod. (Well so is he.) I think he identifies himself has heterosexual, with gay tendencies. My 11 yr old son, just called him bisexual & confused. LOL!
I agree with your son, I think he's just bisexual and confused. There was several times I think he was still lying. He's a liar and that has not changed.
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#14 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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I agree with your son, I think he's just bisexual and confused. There was several times I think he was still lying. He's a liar and that has not changed.
That was actually my next question- if he was also attracted to women.

He's bisexual and doesn't want to be. It' no different from a heterosexual deciding to abstain from sex and sexual acts in general. Again to each their own. he wouldn't necessarily be happier if he "gave in" if he really doe believe what he preaches.

Then again I have a feeling this guy is more in the business of preaching than actually believing if that makes sense.

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#15 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 06:11 PM
 
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I guess I can at least empathize with finding out your spouse is attracted to men...that would be unpleasant granted but I think I could find a way to adjust to that (stay together and co-parent, amicable divorce, etc.). But what gets me is that in addition he didn't tell her he was having sex with people other than her (and it doesn't sound like there was any sort of open marriage agreement in place), he was having with prostitutes and doing drugs. He exposed her to any number of diseases, etc. That I could not just forgive and forget. I think it takes a very selfish person to do that to their spouse and children who they are supposed to love. Ultimately to me that signals a fundamental flaw and not worth sticking around for.

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#16 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just realized I misspelled his name. It's Haggard, not Haggerty.
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#17 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:33 PM
 
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I am totally paraphrasing, but here goes ....

The wife said she knew about his homosexual tendencies before they married but thought he had resolved that issue as if you can really change your sexual orientation. He said he considers himself "gay with issues" or something to that effect.

Both implied homosexuality is a sin but that one can not act on the sin.
He said he considers himself heterosexual with homosexual attachments.
I too think it was very sad the way his church leaders shunned him. Thats just not right.

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#18 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:34 PM
 
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btw Maggie I meant to comment a CONGRATS on the TWINS !!!

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#19 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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He said he considers himself heterosexual with homosexual attachments.
I too think it was very sad the way his church leaders shunned him. Thats just not right.
Talk about splitting inconsequential hairs.

It's sad to me that with all the public appearances he's doing he's still in the closet. Or ironic. Not sure which.

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#20 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:46 PM
 
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btw Maggie I meant to comment a CONGRATS on the TWINS !!!
Thanks!

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#21 of 25 Old 01-29-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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Talk about splitting inconsequential hairs.

It's sad to me that with all the public appearances he's doing he's still in the closet. Or ironic. Not sure which.
I'm telling you it's all about the moola.

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#22 of 25 Old 01-30-2009, 01:05 AM
 
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I didn't feel he was in denial at all and I really appreciated the way he described himself.

He did not say he was "gay with issues". He said he was a heterosexual but was conflicted. And he believes that there is a wide spectrum of sexuality.

His wife did not say she knew he had homesexual urges before their marriage - he revealed them after his marriage and told her he had not acted on them and that he was receiving consel from the church. It was never again an issue in their marriage until he was caught.

I really appreciated his honesty and I do believe you don't either have to be gay or straight. He loves his wife, has a healthy sexual relationship with her. But, he also has homosexual urges. That doesn't automatically make him gay. If he was gay and had urges to have sex with a woman would that make him automatically straight?

I think it's really narrow minded of people to assume he's gay. We don't live in his skin. We don't know how he feels. Why do we automatically deny the love he feels for his wife? Why do we deny the sexual attraction he feels for her and insist that because he had some homosexual affairs he must be completely and totally homosexual? Why can't he just be himself? Why can't he fall somewhere on the spectrum of heterosexual and homosexual? Why do we assume we know better than he does on how he feels?

I'm sad for him and his family. Yes, he brought this on himself by lying but, I understand why he did. He was brought up in a very evangelical christian family. You're just not allowed to be gay. Plus, he's a christian. And while he believes that God loves and accepts all, he believes homosexuality is not part of God's plan.

He has lived a very difficult life with a lot of conflicting messages. But, I think he's beginning to get it. He's not all the way there yet but, I'm happy to see him trying.
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#23 of 25 Old 01-30-2009, 01:31 PM
 
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Michelle~ I do agree. Like I said I know people who have same-sex attraction and don't want to so choose not to act on it (and they prefer for it to be called SSA).

Sexuality is so personal in that it is different for each person and no one else's business. I can't comment on your sexuality any more than you can comment on mine with any real conviction.

That said I think with Haggard people are upset/confused because he doesn't practice hat he preaches AND he takes it upon himself to pass harsh (even violent) judgment where he is seemingly asking us not to judge him

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#24 of 25 Old 01-30-2009, 02:48 PM
 
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Michelle~ I do agree. Like I said I know people who have same-sex attraction and don't want to so choose not to act on it (and they prefer for it to be called SSA).

Sexuality is so personal in that it is different for each person and no one else's business. I can't comment on your sexuality any more than you can comment on mine with any real conviction.

That said I think with Haggard people are upset/confused because he doesn't practice hat he preaches AND he takes it upon himself to pass harsh (even violent) judgment where he is seemingly asking us not to judge him
Are you referring to the judgements that he made while he was preaching? I believe that was the old him. People learn, grow and change. I hope that is exactly what he is doing. I hope he has learned to be more accepting. He is fighting a battle within himself and he is not perfect. I'm sure most of us have fought a battle within ourselves at some point in our lives. We should all be understanding of how hard that can be and how we can slip up even if we really don't want to.
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#25 of 25 Old 01-30-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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Are you referring to the judgements that he made while he was preaching? I believe that was the old him. People learn, grow and change. I hope that is exactly what he is doing. I hope he has learned to be more accepting. He is fighting a battle within himself and he is not perfect. I'm sure most of us have fought a battle within ourselves at some point in our lives. We should all be understanding of how hard that can be and how we can slip up even if we really don't want to.
As I said I didn't see the show and I think I posted earlier (bare with me- pregnancy brain! ) that I was wondering if he and his wife were looking at things from a different light. If they are I think that would help a lot of people see things a little kinder that follow Haggard closely. I'd love to see something like that. I very much believe people can learn and grow from that. I have faith that Haggard and people like him can change.

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