Share Your Thoughts: Hot pink-toenailed boy in J. Crew ad sparks controversy - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-18-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Hate to burst your bubble, but your son who likes pink and purple and everything girly, is no more likely to be gay that any boy who spends his time  playing "boy" games, and wearing "boy" clothes, and turning his nose up at "girl".




Wow, I never expected to be met with meanness on this forum. That is sad.

People who have little elementary aged children who like gender opposite things have no idea if their children will grow up to be gay, but certainly there is research evidence that they might. And these parents are given an inkling of it. If you have a gender "norm" elementary age kid, of course they still might grow up to be gay, but the parent of course has no inkling.

I don't think I said anything to deserve your mean response.


Could you direct us to any of that research? I'd be really interested to see it.


As parents, we can presume we have inklings about all sorts of aspects of our children's futures...and sometimes we are right...and often we are wrong. Unfortunately, in a society where homophobia is rampant, it takes courage to parent a child who steps outside of gender norms, which sadly (for boys especially) are ridiculously narrow. It takes courage AND wisdom to stay open to all the possible things that our children can be, and to embrace all of it in its time.

 

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I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out that what someone likes has little bearing on their sexuality. I liked cooking and I liked pink... I also liked hunting bugs, playing in the mud, and wrestling.  In fact most of my preferred activities growing up were considered "all boy" things. I happen to be gay. A good friend of mine was the exact opposite. Everything was about pink, and purple, and dolls and playing house...

 

Liking "girls stuff" doesn't make a boy gay, it doesn't indicate a boy is gay, it doesn't factor into sexuality at all. The only people I have heard say otherwise are the ones claiming your child straying outside of predetermined gender lines are exhibiting "pre-homosexuality" (what ever the hell that is) and should be corrected. These seem to be the only people who have access to the "research" that says preferences determine sexuality too.

 

That you let your son enjoy what he likes is great, really, but it doesn't negate the problem of associating sexuality with the social construct of gendered activities. It's one of the important things to remember when parenting a child who goes against gender assigned likes and dislikes, so that child doesn't grow up thinking that his preferences for entertainment and his preferences for love are somehow connected.

 


I totally get where you are coming from, Musician Dad. I was both tomboy and ballet enthusiast growing up, equally comfortable playing in the mud and flouncing around in a tutu. Does any of that have anything to do with the fact that I'm a lesbian? I really doubt it.


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Old 04-18-2011, 03:42 PM
 
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I just watched that bit from the Daily Show! Hahahahahahahaha!

 

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Old 04-18-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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 I was both tomboy and ballet enthusiast growing up, equally comfortable playing in the mud and flouncing around in a tutu. Does any of that have anything to do with the fact that I'm a lesbian? I really doubt it.



Well maybe if you played in mud while flouncing around in a tutu. Or it would just make me wonder if you're my brother in disguise. I seem to remember him (totally straight) playing in the mud in a ratty pink tutu and superman cape once or twice.


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Old 04-18-2011, 05:28 PM
 
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I was a stereotypical doll-loving pink-obsessed ballet-dancing little girl...   Now I can't stand pink, and I am partnered with a woman.  I knew several little boys who loved dressup and pink past the age where it was "normal", and all happened to turn out straight.  I also think people seem to be getting sexual orientation and gender identity all mixed up here. (as usual)

 

The pink toenail thing is absurd.  If either of my sons ever wants pink toenails, I'd be happy to oblige.  Right now their toes are painted (blue and green) so I can tell them apart. 


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Old 04-20-2011, 02:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TheGirls View Post

The pink toenail thing is absurd.  If either of my sons ever wants pink toenails, I'd be happy to oblige.  Right now their toes are painted (blue and green) so I can tell them apart. 

 

 lol.gif

 

Seriously, WHO CARES?  I think the media just wants to make a big deal out of nothing--let's make a J. Crew ad NEWS!! Let's find something we haven't seen yet this week and make a big deal out of it.  


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Old 04-20-2011, 03:07 PM
 
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I hate this whole ''controversy'' too. Gah.

 

 

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To each his/her own. Personally I wouldn't paint my son's toenails any color. Or pierce his ears for that matter. My family and I are okay with gender roles. What others do is their business.


May I just ask what you would say to a son of yours that wanted you to paint their toenails?

 

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Old 04-21-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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I wish we could evolve past "boy stuff" and "girl stuff". There is really no need to be labeling children's sexuality or expecting adults to conform to gender roles. This story shows me just how far we will have to go before that happens.

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Old 04-21-2011, 12:13 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post


I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out that what someone likes has little bearing on their sexuality. I liked cooking and I liked pink... I also liked hunting bugs, playing in the mud, and wrestling.  In fact most of my preferred activities growing up were considered "all boy" things. I happen to be gay. A good friend of mine was the exact opposite. Everything was about pink, and purple, and dolls and playing house...

 

Liking "girls stuff" doesn't make a boy gay, it doesn't indicate a boy is gay, it doesn't factor into sexuality at all. The only people I have heard say otherwise are the ones claiming your child straying outside of predetermined gender lines are exhibiting "pre-homosexuality" (what ever the hell that is) and should be corrected. These seem to be the only people who have access to the "research" that says preferences determine sexuality too.

 

That you let your son enjoy what he likes is great, really, but it doesn't negate the problem of associating sexuality with the social construct of gendered activities. It's one of the important things to remember when parenting a child who goes against gender assigned likes and dislikes, so that child doesn't grow up thinking that his preferences for entertainment and his preferences for love are somehow connected.

 

 

While I totally agree with your points, I also consider "hate to burst your bubble" as aggressive termonology to get your point across.

 

That said, it does really bother me how much some people identify behaviors that are totally SOCIALLY defined as masculine or feminine as having a deeper connection to sexuality, sexual orientation or gender orientation.  The entire "pink" thing is a great example!  There is no biological basis for pink being a girly color.  There is no evidence, or reason to think, that an innate love of the color pink has anything to do with sexuality or gender.  And yet, since for several years, our culture has identified it as girly many people seem to think it becomes biologically girly!?!?!


 

 

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