Four year old obsessed with my breasts... aaargh! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-08-2009, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
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DD will be four this month and still is very much a breast feeder. For the past year I've limited her nursing time to once a day because since the birth of my baby last year I haven't been able to get over my general feeling of being maxed out by tandem nursing.

For the last couple weeks DD has developed a habit of always touching my breasts. If I carry her anywhere she rubs and does gentle pinching. If she can get her face there, she'll put her lips against my nipple (through my shirt) and just hold her face there. Or sometimes even make a sucking motion with her lips. When I lounge around with her she sneaks a hand up to rub or pinch. And in the last few days she's started doing all this in her sleep! (we cosleep)

It is driving me MAD!!! : I'm seriously going crazy. I can't stand to have my nipples played with like that and I can ask her several times a day not to do it but she doesn't stop. She'll give me a big impish grin and continue until I physically stop the contact.

How can I stop this? I'm starting reflexively to put a defensive arm across my chest whenever we're together. (That can't be giving off good signals to her!)
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#2 of 4 Old 06-08-2009, 07:45 PM
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Have you discussed it with her? Not just asking her to stop, but really talked about what she's looking for when she does it, explained why it is hard on you, etc. I'm guessing since DD2 is probably nursing on demand it can make DD1 feel jealous sometimes?
Maybe she can brainstorm with you for solutions. Like maybe instead of once a day she can nurse as much as she wants on weekends and not at all on week days. Or maybe she can have 5 minutes of fondling if she refrains the rest of the time. Or maybe she can nurse as much as she wants for the next week and then she will go back to once a day with no touching. Or maybe there is some way you can give her want she wants and not involve breasts at all, special story & cuddle time without DD2. Once a week activity like going out to tea, or to the roller rink, or whatever (again without DD2) Obviously, there are plenty of reasons why this or that suggestion will or not work. The point is to find one that you both have agreed to.
As far as bedsharing, do you have a DP? Can DD1 sleep on the other side of the bed where you are unreachable or something? Try to keep your back to her?
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#3 of 4 Old 06-08-2009, 08:27 PM
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My 3-year-old DD weaned at 2, and she still does this. We have a couple of rules: no touching or pulling my shirt up in public or in front of windows. No pinching. No rubbing. She can put her hand, or lay her head, on my breast, but it has to stay still. She is growing out of it very, very gradually. When she first weaned, she had to fall asleep with her head on my breast every night. Now it's just a few times a month. Honestly, I think my breasts are her security blanket. So I don't let her do anything that would drive me nuts, but I'm not going to totally ban her at this point.

We have had several talks about my body being mine and her body being hers and just as I respect her wishes about her body she must respect my wishes about my body. If she can't respect my wishes, then I won't want to be around her. And I enforce that. If she pinches, I give her a warning. A second pinch means I'm getting up and going somewhere else, unless she apologizes promptly and says she won't do it again. If she does it a third time, I am OUT of there. That hasn't happened more than once or twice.
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#4 of 4 Old 06-10-2009, 06:15 PM
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I would ask her to stop once, and if she doesn't, then gently help her to stop by removing her hand and standing up. My son does the impish grin too, and it drives me crazy!
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