Guilt about kids weaning at different ages? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 09-28-2009, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm pretty sure my DD (4y11mo) has weaned. The last few times she tried to nurse, she just couldn't latch right.

My DS (2y6mo) is also weaning. He nurses once a day or less. I'm pregnant and have had a very difficult pregnancy with hyperemesis and other deficiencies. It's quite painful to nurse, and his latch is terrible. DH has taken over most caretaker duties, and he just needs the "ippies" less. I've had no milk since March.

I know it's quite possible that he resumes with fervor when my milk comes back, and we may be able to fix his latch which would decrease my discomfort and frustration so I may limit his time at breast less.

I hated tandem nursing my first two, and did not want to tandem nurse this time around. We hadn't planned on getting pregnant until DS weaned, but this baby happened despite our best efforts at BC.

I don't plan on letting them nurse at the same time like I did with the older two, so that should decrease my stressed icked out feelings.

But the kicker is I feel guilty because I always felt like I owed it to DS to nurse him at least as long as I nursed DD. How do I deal with it if he weans before then, especially since I'm probably not going to actively encourage him to nurse?

If you've made it this far, thanks!

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#2 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No one?

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#3 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 03:10 PM
 
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don't feel guilty, i know easier said than done i felt guilty for not feeding chloe and cameron as long as i did caitlin.
you should be really proud of yourself 2 yrs 6 months is a great ammount of time and your ds is really lucky, some lo's don't get any breastmilk at all.

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#4 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 03:33 PM
 
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I agree w/Becky! Your body is preparing for you new little one and you should feel GREAT about the length of time each one of your children has nursed. If your ds wants to nurse again after you baby is born you should feel great about that but if he doesn't it's ok too.

DS is 4!
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#5 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 03:36 PM
 
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I'm not in your situation, but with so many aspects of parenting it's so easy to feel guilty. You have done a great job nursing your DS.

Just because it wasn't as long as relationship (but agian still pretty long!) as your DD's, shouldn't deminish all of those wonderful nursings that you two had.

You may also have to give yourself permission, so to speak, that is okay for him to be weaning.

Wife, mom to DS (4), DD (2) and baby heart 2.7.13

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#6 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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I have nursed 6 children and have tandem nursed 2x. It is not my preference, but my oldest ones were very close in age. My last few have been further apart and I have nursed only the newborn. I am expecting again, much sooner than we thought and my little guy is only 18 months. I am really struggling with nursing him. But I dont want him to wean either.

Anyways, what I started to say was that for me, I set an minimum age that I wanted to nurse my kids to ( for me 2 years). Some have nursed quite a bit longer, but it makes me feel good to know that all (except my first who was only 16 months) have nursed for at least 2 years.

The weanings have happened at different times and for different reasons, but again, that 2 year minimum has made me feel like I am at least "fair" or am trying to give them each the best that I can.

So maybe if you set a goal of at least 2 1/2 years, then if he weans, its okay. You made your goal and you can shoot for that with the new baby and if he/she goes longer and circumstances allow, great! If not, well you met your minimum.

It helps me, so I thought I would mention it.

You have done great, no guilt!
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#7 of 8 Old 09-30-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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If there's one thing I've learned with 2 kids, it's that each child has their own needs, in their own time, and it's not often that each child will have all the same of anything.

You provide what you can for each as they need and don't worry about it all being the same.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#8 of 8 Old 10-06-2009, 11:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meiri View Post
If there's one thing I've learned with 2 kids, it's that each child has their own needs, in their own time, and it's not often that each child will have all the same of anything.

You provide what you can for each as they need and don't worry about it all being the same.
Exactly. DD1 was one month shy of 4 when she weaned, DD2 exactly one year younger. I can say that both weaned themselves due to pgs, they just nursed less and less even after the baby was born. While I do feel a twinge of sadness that DD2 weaned so much younger, she obviously didn't need to continue nursing or else she could have. Her need was met and she moved on.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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