Do you ever want to NOT CLW completely? I'm struggling with this...but not for the typical reason... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-17-2010, 06:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do any of you ever feel like your child is VERY close to CLW and that you might be better just initiating it for YOUR benefit? I know that sounds selfish, but please keep reading before judging me for that!

I am nursing 3 kiddos right now (and pumping for donation). But I don't feel overwhelmed or anything, so that's not why I'm asking. My reason is actually because DD1, who is 4ys2mo old, is still nursing, but is very close to CLW. She only nurses maybe once every few days (and that's when she asks to). I know that to most CLW'ers, the simple thing to do would be to just hang in there until she decides she's done, since were already so close to that point. But I'm not considering stopping because I don't want to do it anymore...it's actually because I worry about ME when she's done. Since she's my first, I've never had a nursing relationship come to an end before and it kinda makes me nervous...mostly because I am afraid I'll miss the last time she nurses. What I mean is, that I won't KNOW it's the last time until hindsight, obviously. And I'm kinda scared that it's going to leave me feeling a lot more upset (and possibly regretful) about this stage coming to an end than it would if I were to KNOW that "this time is the last time, so cherish it." (though the thought of that makes me sad too...just can't win, huh?)

Am I making any sense? I guess I started to think about this recently (since NOT CLW'ing wasn't really something I cared for before) when my best friend said they're having a "weaning party" soon for her 3.5 year old DD to celebrate how long she nursed but also "being done" and moving on to the next stage in life. (well, that's the weaning party as defined by me, not her ) I know life will go on when DD1 (and future children) weans and we will still have a special relationship even though nursing won't be a part of it anymore. But since I'm nursing the other two as well, sometime there are times that I simply cannot nurse DD1, or she asks and I have to tell her to wait and then we both end up forgetting. And I guess it just kinda makes me sad to think that the end of our nursing relationship could possibly be me telling her no or to wait and then she never gets to nurse that time and never does again.

Makes sense? Am I nuts? Does anybody else ever feel this way? What have you done?

Me (27) DH (30)...9 Years

DD (7) ~ DD (4) ~ DS (3)

Praying our April 2013 baby sticks!! joy.gif


Babies in Heaven...angel.gif 9/04 angel.gif 2/05 angel.gif 3/11 angel.gif 4/11 angel.gif 6/11 angel.gif 11/11 angel.gif 2/12 (along with my tube greensad.gif )

 

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#2 of 6 Old 04-18-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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I can only speak from my experience. With both my girls, we continued nursing until they were ready to stop, at about 5.5 for both of them. Knowing that they were totally ready to stop made it easy to feel peaceful and positive about this transition. It was entirely non-dramatic, because for months they had increasingly been getting their needs met in other ways. The end of nursing was honestly just a little blip--my girls still needed me just as much, just in different ways. I can't say that I have a specific memory of the last time my older dd nursed, but I have SO MANY memories of our long nursing relationship that I'm really okay with that. And with my younger dd, she nursed a final time a couple of weeks after she declared herself done, when she was reallly upset, so it was hardly a beautiful and meaningful moment.

I know that many mothers are bittersweet or sad about the end of nursing, but for me it just seemed completely natural.
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#3 of 6 Old 04-18-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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I had the fear of "missing the last time" with our oldest. What I ended up doing was this...when I knew he was very close, one evening it worked out that we were alone together, when he was in a quiet mood, and wanting to nurse, of all places, in the rocker. Knowing that we were probably close to the end of our nursing relationship, I made a special point for myself to be very aware, and pay very close attention, and etch the memory into my mind, of that time together.

It turned out not to be the last time...but it was the last time that it was for very long and in a quiet way. The actual last time was about a week later, during the day, with his little brother around. I sat down on the couch and he hopped up and snuggled and and asked to nurse, but then was half smiling and watching my eyes...and I said "I think you are just being silly...are you ?" He let go, laughed, and got up and ran off. And that was the last time. It was all of ten seconds. It was nowhere near as significant a moment for me as the last time in the rocker, and when I think of the real, significant end of our nursing relationship, it was the time in the rocker.

I didn't choose the moment to be the last time, but I did choose the moment to remember as significant to me. You can choose a moment to pay special attention to, and to grab as a memory to cherish for yourself. The actual "last time" may end up being kind of a non-event, but if you pick a time to remember that is close to CLW and that is especially snuggly and close, that is a wonderful memory to hold.

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Originally Posted by 1babysmom View Post
...mostly because I am afraid I'll miss the last time she nurses. What I mean is, that I won't KNOW it's the last time until hindsight, obviously. And I'm kinda scared that it's going to leave me feeling a lot more upset (and possibly regretful) about this stage coming to an end than it would if I were to KNOW that "this time is the last time, so cherish it." (though the thought of that makes me sad too...just can't win, huh?)

DS1 March 2003DS2 Sept 2005,
and 3 , in our happy secular
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#4 of 6 Old 04-18-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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that is so sweet!

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Originally Posted by laundrycrisis View Post
I had the fear of "missing the last time" with our oldest. What I ended up doing was this...when I knew he was very close, one evening it worked out that we were alone together, when he was in a quiet mood, and wanting to nurse, of all places, in the rocker. Knowing that we were probably close to the end of our nursing relationship, I made a special point for myself to be very aware, and pay very close attention, and etch the memory into my mind, of that time together.

It turned out not to be the last time...but it was the last time that it was for very long and in a quiet way. The actual last time was about a week later, during the day, with his little brother around. I sat down on the couch and he hopped up and snuggled and and asked to nurse, but then was half smiling and watching my eyes...and I said "I think you are just being silly...are you ?" He let go, laughed, and got up and ran off. And that was the last time. It was all of ten seconds. It was nowhere near as significant a moment for me as the last time in the rocker, and when I think of the real, significant end of our nursing relationship, it was the time in the rocker.

I didn't choose the moment to be the last time, but I did choose the moment to remember as significant to me. You can choose a moment to pay special attention to, and to grab as a memory to cherish for yourself. The actual "last time" may end up being kind of a non-event, but if you pick a time to remember that is close to CLW and that is especially snuggly and close, that is a wonderful memory to hold.

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#5 of 6 Old 04-19-2010, 03:51 PM
 
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It's so funny how we're affecting each other on this!

I decided to wean dd next month when she was 3y9m because that's when we weaned ds1. I felt pressured by dh at the time to stop with him, but in hindsight now, I can see that if I hadn't been using nursing as his going to bed routine then, he probably would have stopped before that or around then anyway. He never really asked (he's a different kiddo though too, his personality is totally different than dd). But I decided that I absolutely canNOT continue with dd because there are so many things that I did to ds1 in my lack of education (like hospital-epidural birth, not co-sleeping the first two weeks, circumcizing, vaccinating until he was 24m, etc) that I can't make this one of those issues too. So yeah. And dd is REALLY nasty when she wants to nurse sometimes, she has absolutely no patience, so I think for both of us, it's time for her to move on. But knowing that you are still nursing makes me feel a little guilty. But yeah...I guess I'm just going to suck it up. I've already made it clear to her that we'll make special cuddle times, and this month is the last month she gets to nurse twice a day. Starting May 1st she'll be down to once, and then May 13th we'll have our last and have her party that weekend. She gets a pretty dress (inspired by a quincinera book we read recently) and a big girl bike. She's excited-ish. I'm not sure what I'll do if she protests, but as her mom, I know in my heart that it's time for her to move on. As if to back that up, sometimes she forgets how to latch on properly too, which I find totally strange, but comforting.

Just wanted to add that I definitely intended on being in the CLW crowd originally...but I feel good about our decisions now.

Husband and Wife 4/03, Ds1 9/03, Dd1 8/06, Ds2 12/08, Dd2 due 1/11...bfing, co-sleeping, cding, ecing, bwing, ucing, no-more vaxing, no-more circ'ing, hsing, conservative Christian family.
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#6 of 6 Old 04-25-2010, 06:46 AM
 
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Our dd weaned when I was pg with ds, I was sad then she wasn't quite 3 and it was a few weeks before ds was due - it was a very difficult time for me - she told me when she had finished that that was the last time and she would leave the milk for the baby - my jaw hit the floor - I just wasn't ready, then one week after ds was born and we returned home after a horrendous weeks at hospital and other things that happened - she asked to nurse and continued on for another 18 months, we didn't have a weaning party or anything, but we had a special afternoon together when dh and ds had an afternoon nap together, we went out for ice cream in the middle of February played in the park and had lots of cuddles, it was a very special day for us, even although she had actually stopped nursing a couple of days before - that afternoon was the moment for me to realise that I could still offer my child so much even although that part of our relationship had ended it was just the beginning of another chapter in our lives together and we helped each other and bonded in new ways. Our ds is 5 at the end of July and I am realising that our breastfeeding relationship is ending - fewer nursings and the last few days it's just in the evening while falling off to sleep - he's recently stopped the morning nursings - he's moving on and we'll find another way of celebrating our journey together. So yeah - CLW is a complicated thing - thank you for posting this - it's a good way of reflecting on our breastfeeding relationship.

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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