Feeling guilty in advance for planning pregnancy w/3yo nursling - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 08-17-2010, 11:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I'm feeling conflicted and am hoping to gain some perspective and a little peace.

I have one son, who's 3 years old, and nurses day and night. I had thought he'd have slowed down by this age, but no. I'm fine with this, but:

DP and I have been thinking of having another baby. We were considering starting TTC next year, and then recently we were saying, Heck, why not right now? But I'm not sure if DS is ready for the weaning or the change in nursing that pregnancy might bring (whether due to discomfort on my part, or changes in milk taste or supply on his).

I have these visions of a possible future where DS tries to nurse and the milk is gone, and he's despondent. And I know it's just a possibility, but I feel really terrible in advance about that, and already regretful that we're weaning, even though we haven't yet, if that makes any sense.

My options are to put off TTC until I feel like both DS and I are more ready, or to go ahead and start even though I'm uncertain and trust we find our way during the process. DP is fine either way and understanding about the whole thing. I'm open to tandem nursing with a new baby, but it's the pregnancy part I'm not sure we'll be able to manage.

Can I do a little pros & cons thing to help elucidate?

Pros of TTC now
  • I'm not getting any younger (mid-thirties).
  • There's no guarantee DS would be "ready" in 2 months, or a year, or 2 years. Am I willing to wait indefinitely?
  • Before DS, I had a m/c that threw off our TTC schedule by about 10 months. If I'm going to have any problems with conceiving or another m/c, it would be better to find out sooner rather than later (combined with the age thing).
  • It would be fun to start TTC. This feels like a selfish reason, but not a bad one. It sounds exciting to DP & me to have another baby, and it hasn't sounded exciting in a long time. I feel like we should grab that feeling while we have it. Even DS is very interested in having a "brother or sister" right now and talks about it all the time.

Pros of waiting
  • I'm not feeling frantic about my age, and we plan to have only one more child, so there's no immediate rush.
  • DS gets a significant amount of calories from breastfeeding. His eating habits otherwise are fairly picky. Not unusually so for a 3-year-old, but of the carbs-and-fruit variety. If he weaned, I'd feel more pressure to be sure he was getting the food he needs.
  • DS goes to preschool and gets mild illnesses frequently. All he'll do during his recuperation is breastfeed, and I know the antibodies help him recover. So in some ways, I feel like weaning him would take away both his food and his medicine! This seems like a bad decision to make.
  • DS really, really, really loves nursing. It comforts him. He enjoys it a lot. He asks for it constantly. It's one of his favorite things. I feel mean even thinking of taking that away from him.

Is it better to do a gradual approach to this? Let him know in advance that the nummies are going to lose their milk but that that's OK, and it will come back when the baby comes? Will he be able to understand this, or will this just cause resentment for the younger sibling?

In some ways, I feel like it would be easier if he were younger, because at this age and as sensitive as he is, he almost certainly will be upset by the change, and he might even remember it as he gets older.

I'm wondering if we should read some children's books on weaning and talk over the whole idea with DS and wait until he seems open to the idea of a change in nursing before we start. But then I feel impatient and itchy to start TTC. I don't know!

Anyone else go through this with wisdom to share? I realize to anyone who doesn't nurse a toddler that it must sound like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, so I'm glad I can come here for some advice and support. Thank you!

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#2 of 20 Old 08-18-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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I had the same situation as you. I am 4 months pregnant and my DD just turned 3. I have lost my milk, but my daughter continues to dry nurse, and I let her. We talked about how mommy's breasts are a little sore now, and she needs to be very gentle and careful when she nurses. We also talked about how when the new baby gets here, there will be lots of milk, and she will be able to share the milk with the new baby! She gets excited when she talks about that. We will see if she keeps it up for the entire 9 months, but I would say the actual loss of milk hasn't done anything to curb her enthusiasm for the act of nursing. She isn't traumatized at all by having no milk (or only a little colostrum?), but she would have been hurt if I had ended the nursing relationship when the milk disappeared.

Hope this helps!
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#3 of 20 Old 08-18-2010, 06:47 PM
 
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I'll share my experience (so far) with nursing during pregnancy and maybe it will reassure you? (Or totally freak you out...)

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. My daughter will be 36 months old when this baby is born. She was still nursing a lot when I became pregnant (4? 6? times during the day and at least every 3 hours at night). Her intake of solid foods was also relatively limited... some days she'd eat more than others but I wouldn't have felt confident that she was getting adequate nutrition if she hadn't been bf-ing.

We are still nursing. I've said/done nothing to limit her daytime nursing (I offer, she may refuse). She's only bf-ing, at most, 1-3 times per day. I did night wean her (so not CLW) for a few months in the first/second trimester for my own sanity (nausea, fatigue) and she accepted it fairly easily. (I had tried to night wean in the past and she flat out refused.) Around 20 weeks I "un-night weaned" her because she'd cut back so much on her daytime nursing. For the most part she now prefers to STTN though and have a very long nursing session first thing in the morning. Her intake of solid foods increased dramatically with no prompting from myself or my husband. The only change in that respect is I began offering her cows milk whereas prior to pregnancy the only dairy she had was cheese/yogurt. She also has frequent sips of water while nursing.

If you ask her, my milk never went away completely. (I have some doubts.) At this point I'm making enough colostrum that I'm leaking between feedings. She was one of the most avid/attached nursers and she handled the changes in my milk supply perfectly cheerfully. I have no idea if she was just ready to cut back on her own, but I doubt it. I never told her that it was the baby's fault that my supply had decreased. I have told her (repeatedly) that the decrease in supply is only temporary and that there will be "lots of good milk when the baby is born." She's old enough that she understands this and is excited about it. She's also old enough that she likes to think about/talk about tandem nursing and also all of the different things that she can eat that the baby won't be able to eat.

So overall the experience hasn't been too bad. My supply tanked enough that I would have really regretted becoming pregnant if she were younger than age two... both from a nutritional perspective and also her ability to "understand" and cope emotionally. It seems that there have been a wide variety of experiences in my MDC DDC. Some toddlers have weaned completely. Other mothers never experience any decrease in supply.

I do think that if your son isn't ready to wean yet then a decrease/disappearance in milk supply won't be the deciding factor. It seems like what my daughter has done is drop many of the "nutritional" feedings in favor of other foods while retaining the ones that are important to her emotionally/psychologically.

daughter #1 10/13/07
daughter #2 10/08/10
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#4 of 20 Old 08-18-2010, 08:31 PM
 
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I just wanted to say that I've had a similar experience to the pp. I am due in November, and dd will be 2 1/2 when baby arrives. We have seriously cut down on nursings at DD request and finally STTN. While in the beginning I was a little pushy about limiting feedings (putting her off for a few minutes or limiting duration, etc), I am instead now worrying that she will wean before i am ready. I know that this isn't completely CLW, but I never forced the issue if she was hesitant to let a nursing go, and certainly didn't sleep train her.

This is a hard decision to make and I know that given a different situation, for me, I would have waited until DD was at least 3 so that the change in milk may not have been such a big deal. Also, as they get older, explaining that the milk is gone for now, but will be back is MUCH easier. Good luck in making this decision.
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#5 of 20 Old 09-09-2010, 05:57 AM
 
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I think it is normal to have a lot of anxiety towards how your child might react. Kids are all different so it would be impossible to predict.

Your child is three, you can talk to him. You can make it special, make it a milestone and not a tearful goodbye.

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#6 of 20 Old 09-09-2010, 11:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I think it is normal to have a lot of anxiety towards how your child might react. Kids are all different so it would be impossible to predict.

Your child is three, you can talk to him. You can make it special, make it a milestone and not a tearful goodbye.
Well said!

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#7 of 20 Old 10-05-2010, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has meant so much to me to read your kind words and similar experiences and feelings. I'm glad I'm not alone.

DP and I sort of decided to stop worrying about TTC but not try to prevent, and during the two week wait, I suddenly had all these doubts that I'd done a horrible thing. So, of course, I'm pregnant.

During the 2WW, someone posted to this thread but then removed it, or maybe it was a private message, saying that TTC would be selfish, and I felt pretty horrible, since it was too late.

But I feel like I've gained some perspective since then and am as peaceful as I can be, considering the uncertainty ahead. I know that DS knows he's loved — that he's been fed gently for 3 years now, and he and we can handle the changes that come our way, together. He's really excited about the baby on the way, so I know it's a good thing overall to add to our family rather than let my fears hold us back. I hope that makes sense!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post
I have lost my milk, but my daughter continues to dry nurse, and I let her. We talked about how mommy's breasts are a little sore now, and she needs to be very gentle and careful when she nurses. We also talked about how when the new baby gets here, there will be lots of milk, and she will be able to share the milk with the new baby! She gets excited when she talks about that. We will see if she keeps it up for the entire 9 months, but I would say the actual loss of milk hasn't done anything to curb her enthusiasm for the act of nursing. She isn't traumatized at all by having no milk (or only a little colostrum?), but she would have been hurt if I had ended the nursing relationship when the milk disappeared.
This was so reassuring, you don't even know! I'm glad that your daughter's been able to continue with the closeness, despite the loss of milk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rparker View Post
I'll share my experience (so far) with nursing during pregnancy and maybe it will reassure you? (Or totally freak you out...) … She was one of the most avid/attached nursers and she handled the changes in my milk supply perfectly cheerfully. I have no idea if she was just ready to cut back on her own, but I doubt it. I never told her that it was the baby's fault that my supply had decreased. I have told her (repeatedly) that the decrease in supply is only temporary and that there will be "lots of good milk when the baby is born."… I do think that if your son isn't ready to wean yet then a decrease/disappearance in milk supply won't be the deciding factor. It seems like what my daughter has done is drop many of the "nutritional" feedings in favor of other foods while retaining the ones that are important to her emotionally/psychologically.
I really appreciated hearing your experience, because we're in the same boat with doubting DS can survive on solids as it is. I'm glad to know they find a way. I'm also just glad to hear that the transition went well for your daughter and hasn't traumatized her. Whew! I like the fact that you're not blaming the baby for the drop in supply, either. I've been trying to be careful to do the same but find a way to explain it that a 3-year-old can understand.

As far as night nursing, DS has stepped up his night nursing recently to once again be of the all-night-latch variety. It's keeping me from sleeping well, which is a bummer. I'm hoping it's temporary. I'm sore enough as it is!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tibeca View Post
This is a hard decision to make and I know that given a different situation, for me, I would have waited until DD was at least 3 so that the change in milk may not have been such a big deal. Also, as they get older, explaining that the milk is gone for now, but will be back is MUCH easier. Good luck in making this decision.
I hope your experience continues to go smoothly. Good point about a 3yo being able to understand more than a younger kid. I do like being able to talk with DS about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I think it is normal to have a lot of anxiety towards how your child might react. Kids are all different so it would be impossible to predict.

Your child is three, you can talk to him. You can make it special, make it a milestone and not a tearful goodbye.
Thank you! We've been having a lot of conversations about how the milk might go away for a time, but that DS can still nurse as he likes, and that when the baby comes, they can both share. He likes that part, and doesn't yet understand the first part. I'm not too far along yet, but I feel better even starting to explain it to him, so it doesn't blindside him if there's a big drop in supply.

The soreness is pretty irritating, but I'm trying to just relax my way through it. It typically peaks at the beginning of a session and then diminishes. It's worse when he doesn't latch well or wiggles around, so I try to be more intentional about positioning him. Good practice for a newborn!

Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and stories.

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#8 of 20 Old 10-05-2010, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and just in case it helps anyone else in this situation in the future, another thing we've been telling DS is that, if the milk is gone and he's still hungry and thirsty, he can have water or something else to drink, and a snack to eat. I'm trying to offer options in advance so he's not at a loss if/when nursing doesn't satisfy his hunger or thirst.

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#9 of 20 Old 10-08-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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My DS is 3 and we're TTC and I've actually decreased his nursing a bit to improve our changes of successful conception. I have some low progesterone and luteal phase issues. I think it's terrible that someone thought what you're doing is horrible. I'm all about the wonderful and beautiful nursing relationship. BUT life is not always able to be carried out in the idealistic fashion we'd like. Sometimes we have to weigh other needs/wants along with our nursing relationship. In my case, I've had to. I'm 31 years old with one DS and DH and I want a large family, so given my age and the # of children I hope to have, waiting around was not an option for us. Modifying my nursing relationship with my DS so that he can have the joy of siblings in his life is an okay trade off in my mind. I think you're a wonderful mama for giving this so much thought and being so sensitive and aware of your LOs needs. Good luck with TTC! Oh...and there's a great TTC while nursing thread in the TTC forum.

Crystal (34) married to LPN DH (38) , mama to (7/07), (1/09), and (7/11) and (12/28)
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#10 of 20 Old 12-07-2010, 04:00 PM
 
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Thank you Alki Mama for this post and congrats!! You sound like an amazing mama to put so much thought and consideration into your son! It sounds like you have some good tools to prepare for whatever changes in your breastfeeding relationship. I'd love to hear how your nursing relationship is going so far. And thanks for everyone's great responses...it's good food for thought. Do you care if I hijack this thread and get a few opinions? :)

 

I've been playing the same 'pros and cons' game of getting pg, however my DS is 2.5. But similar to other nurslings, breastmilk makes up the vast majority of his diet. He has some food-related texture adversion isssues along with chronic constipation, so his diet is fairly limited with no dairy. He nurses on demand (all day and night) and is very attached, hands on and in love with his mama! :) I struggle with the idea of a big age space among children - and not following DS's lead. Like many others mamas here, BF symbolizes a bond, love, comfort, trust, dependability and nurturing. Most people IRL would laugh at the idea of being hesitant to conceive due to a toddler's breastfeeding relationship. So thanks for letting me talk through my emotions here and get your input!

 

From what understand, when a BF mama is pg the nursling could or could not wean. The milk could or could not dry up. The mama could or could not stand the sensation/pain. And it's a toss up, no way to say what will happen. My type A personality doesn't like having no control over this! So here is my pros and cons list...

 

Pros of TTC now

  • Would prefer not to have a 4 year+ spacing among children
  • Don't know how long DH and I can afford for me to be a SAHM, and I'd prefer to be home with little ones
  • DS is 2.5, what if BF is still a huge part of his diet a year from now, how long do I wait 
  • It took us a year and 3 failed infertility treatments to get pg with DS


Pros of waiting

  • There's a benefit to being an only child for some time and DS loves the undivided attention
  • DS gets a significant amount of calories from breastfeeding
  • There are amazing benefits to nursing toddlers (both health and emotional) and I'm scared DS might not respond well to his boos boos going bye bye

 

I'm so mentally back and forth on this. One day I'm wanting to TTC, doing OPKs and obsessing over my fertility and the next day I feel horrible for thinking about adding a baby this soon. Any thoughts, input or stories would be so much appreciated!!
 


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#11 of 20 Old 12-12-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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Bump, anyone? :)


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#12 of 20 Old 12-19-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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Really only you can decide on this.  A lot of children this age will continue to 'dry nurse' during the pregnancy - they rarely 'forget' how to nurse even if they stop dry nursing and pick up nursing again once the milk has come back in shortly after the birth of the baby. 

 

But I wonder...if you feel your son is not ready for breastfeeding to end/the milk to go...  How is he going to be ready for a new addition to the family (because that is a pretty big change - even bigger than the end of a breastfeeding relationship!)?

 

I would suggest reading about tandem feeding as well - if you may end up doing that.  I hear 'Adventures In Tandem Feeding' is a good book.  I have no personal experience with it - but I have a lot of friends who do and this is something I would personally want to avoid.  The idealism of it is lovely but the practicalities of it are not always that pretty a picture.     

 

We have a 4 year 7 month age gap and I love it.  I will not be TTC for a third until DS2 has self-weaned.  I realise this could be another 5 years+ age gap but I won't mind.  So I guess I am slightly biast in that respect! lol  I took the easy route in all honesty - I wanted to make sure we were ALL ready before I took the jump.  There are too many 'what-ifs' otherwise. 


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#13 of 20 Old 12-23-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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I just want to say I understand why you gave it so much thought! I didn't mean to get pregnant, but am here 2 weeks pregnant with a 1 year old. Am praying now my milk stays strong as she still uses it as her main form of food!

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

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#14 of 20 Old 12-24-2010, 05:45 AM
 
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My greatest fear for pregnancy was loss of milk.  My cycles didn't return for 14 months and I was anovulatory for another 4-5 months.  We decided to give it a go anyway and it worked!  I sit here now exactly 23 weeks pregnant nursing a 26-month old.  You never know what will happen.  My little girl nursed a lot (every two hours) when I was first pregnant and now she nurses 3-4 times a day.  Children change so much over little time periods.  My daughter eats a lot more now and hardly has a need for the nunnies at all compared with six months ago (when she nursed every hour).  Have confidence and eat well!  And congratulations!


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#15 of 20 Old 12-28-2010, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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@MunchiesMom, here's my experience right now with breastfeeding during pregnancy. I'm ~18-19 weeks and my milk dried up around 15 weeks, no colostrum yet. I was pretty bummed, but it hasn't stopped DS's nursing frequency. The problem is, I'm even more tender now that we're dry nursing, and it's very challenging for me to want to nurse when he asks. I also can no longer sleep through nursing, so any night nursing is done while I'm awake.

 

I've been thinking about this all a lot and am going to blog about it soon. But, basically, it's been both harder than I thought it would be (in terms of pain and disruptions) and easier (in terms of DS not seeming to mind, emotionally, that the milk is gone).

 

The disruption has been that he's no longer getting that milk, with its calories, fat, antibodies, and physical cues to relax. So, for instance, he's much hungrier and thirstier than before, and it's truly hard to keep him fueled all day! Our DS also has a limited diet, though mostly by his own choice, and I cringe to think of how much better his diet was when he still had breastmilk as a substantial part of it.

 

Then, at night, we've been having a hideous time persuading him to go to sleep and stay asleep, now that he doesn't have that full mouth and tummy of warm milk to send him off. That's been the worst, though I've calmed down about it some now, and he's at least sleeping better once he falls asleep. (Last "night" his time to fall asleep was 5 in the morning, to give you an idea!!)

 

He also was sick recently, fortunately not seriously, and I felt bad that I could no longer do anything to help him physically through the fever and recovery.

 

It's also making me question whether I want to tandem nurse — and, yet, if DS weaned while I was pregnant, I know I'd feel regretful/guilty that it was my pregnancy that forced that to happen before he otherwise would have chosen it.

 

On the other hand, DS is very excited about this coming sibling, and I truly feel it's the best for our family to have another child. And I know that, weaned or not, DS will always have his connection to us and the foundation of attachment and love that we've built these three and a half years so far. And it's actually been comforting and interesting to look for new ways to connect without nursing, such as back scratches and cuddles.

 

As far as whether you should TTC or not, you'll have to search your own heart and figure out what's most important to you — the family spacing, the continued breastfeeding, etc. With your history of fertility difficulties, I personally might be more inclined to start trying sooner, knowing it might take longer. (Then again, it might not, so you have to be prepared for that as well.) But since your DS is so very attached to the milk part of breastfeeding, that might be a challenging transition. I've read that about 70% of pregnant women lose their milk, and it's entirely hormonal (i.e., you can't do anything about it, in terms of supply/demand or herbal supplements or whatever). One thing you might consider is trying to prepare him for it gradually in advance, giving him more solids during the day, seeking to expand his diet, trying out new ways of getting him to sleep, etc. I know that we'll figure out this stupid no-sleep thing eventually, for instance, but it might have been nice for our DS not to have had to go from tummy of milk at bedtime one week to no milk the next, cold turkey.

 

Know that whatever you decide, someone else is there with you. I don't think there's a "right" answer, since everyone has different priorities and desires and family dynamics. If you decide to add to your family, you're not doing so selfishly, but out of a greater vision for what your family will be. And if you decide to wait, you'll know you're doing so to be extra-gentle to your son. I wish you peace as you make your decision.

 

Wish me luck as I try to make it through this pregnancy of ouchiness! wink1.gif


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#16 of 20 Old 02-01-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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Subbin' and bumpin' since I'm in a similar boat.  My dd is almost 3 and we're waiting to TTC.  Dd is a frequent day (4-6+ times) and night (widely varies) nurser.  I am mid-thirties and not concerned about my age and waiting.  I think there's a 3-to-5 Saves Lives campaign that promotes spacing kids 3 to 5 years apart because it's safest for moms' and babies' health... so no pressure there for me yet.  My cycles seem pretty erratic, some anovulatory cycles and others with short luteal phase... so I don't know if I'm even fertile... we are still taking measures to prevent though.  When my body gives me the green light (fertile cycles and a clear conscience) then I'll be okay with getting pregnant and the breastfeeding/relationship consequences.  I'll be sad and dd might be sad that there will be some changes, but at that point we'll handle the changes and I won't feel guilty.  When I start to ponder TTC NOW, and then ALREADY start feeling guilty about how it will impact my little nursing maniac (I say lovingly), then it's clear to me that now's not the right time for us.  We're not ready.  I wouldn't want to choose to get pregnant and start a new life with a guilty conscience... things like that really eat at me and the changes that some of the posters mentioned seem difficult enough to get through without adding any guilt.  We've got other life stress now that I'd like to clear up before TTC anyway, so that keeps me busy and focused till the time comes.  They're only little for a short while, and a few months of waiting a little longer can make a big difference for a young child who's not quite ready yet... I hope that's the case for us!

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#17 of 20 Old 02-02-2011, 11:17 PM
 
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Thanks for the update AlkisMama! The info in this post has been amazingly helpful! I'm glad to hear things are going well for you, though the nursing relationship sounds like it has slightly changed from your perspective. The tenderness and dry nursing aspect sound painful!

On a personal note, DH and I decided we aren't ready to TTC quite yet. All this anxiety showed me we aren't ready...and maybe DS isn't ready. He turns three in the spring, so we plan to start trying this summer/fall.

It's reassuring to get feedback from other mamas that a four year spacing is ok and that DS might continue to nurse. However my fears seem to come in waves! Now I find myself worrying about the role he'll play in the birthing experience. I want a VBAC and have been thinking about my few birthing options. What if I plan for a HB but have to transfer for a c-section...I can't sleep away from him! LOL... this anxiety proves I'm not ready. smile.gif

Baby on the hip, boob in the mouth, seat to the rear, sleeping next to mama! Loving every day as a SAHM to my only, B.W.A.H born 4.1.08
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#18 of 20 Old 01-15-2012, 03:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's another update. Our new son was born in May (unexpectedly unassisted homebirth, hee) so is 7 months old. babyboy.gif DS1 is 4 and loves his baby brother. Like, totally adores him. To the point that I now wonder why I didn't have another one sooner, lol. He even keeps asking me when we can have a baby sister. :)

 

DS1 is still nursing, though I figured out early on I cannot stand tandeming where they're both on at once. Sends my aversion through the roof. But just in general, I've felt much more comfortable with setting limits on DS1's nursing, and he's been OK with that as well. He now nurses when we wake up and when he goes to bed, occasionally more if he asks. Sometimes he'll forget to nurse, but not often. I still wonder when he'll wean and how it will happen. Just after the birth, I was at once relieved that the pain was gone and very discouraged that I now had really intense aversion when DS1 nursed (fortunately, not so with the baby). The aversion hasn't gotten much better, but my attitude about it has, and I set limits on duration and frequency as I need to to feel comfortable. I like that DS1 is getting some good breastmilk again, and that nursing has helped ease the transition into being an older sibling.

 

I've had the opportunity now to talk with several other mamas who've nursed through pregnancy and tandemed, and it's different for everybody, but there are some common threads. Many nurslings will nurse through pregnancy even if the milk goes, and even more will start back up in earnest once the milk's back after the birth (though sometimes a latch correction is necessary). Some mamas have had no problems during pregnancy or tandeming. Some have had similar aversions or pain. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post links, but if you want some blogposts to read, you can PM me and I can send you some.

 

So there's my full circle. I think it would have been easier to have waited till DS1 weaned to start TTC, but only in that one aspect of our parenting. I'm so happy now we have DS2, and so is he. If we decide on a third child and start TTCing before DS2 is 2, I would know to pump a whole bunch in advance to store up for him for when my milk would go. If we accidentally got pregnant, I would know to pump as much as possible in the weeks before my milk went, and I know some friends who would milk share with me if I needed it. So that's my only advice going forward: try to store up some milk if possible/needed for a younger nursling, seek out some support from others going through breastfeeding through pregnancy and tandeming, and then know that you're doing a beautiful thing for your family by giving them another little one to love. stillheart.gif


mdcblog5.gif Hobo Mama • living on the beach with DP (Jun 98) and DS1 (Jun 07) and DS2 (May 11) familybed2.gif

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#19 of 20 Old 03-08-2012, 12:03 PM
 
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Another update... I'm pregnant with #2!  We're in a better life situation than we were a year ago, and dd is 4 years old now.  She cut way back on nursing to 1-2 times a day (before bed and maybe at wake up) right before I got pregnant.  When I was ~8 weeks pregnant the nipple pain started to get pretty bad when she nursed, but she was only nursing a minute or so before bed by then anyway.  Then my midwife said I should wean completely since I'm high risk for premature labor... so I felt pretty sad about that at first.  But when I told dd that my nipples hurt that night and she could only nurse till I counted to 10, she made this silly game of it, popping off way before I got to 10 and then laughing... she wasn't the least concerned that she wasn't going to get milk.  So after a week or so of her game before bed, she lost interest, and we started doing belly snuggles.  This is really sweet and she does this every night to snuggle with me and "listen" to the baby.

 

She's so much more independent than she was a year ago.  She sleeps 11-12 hours through the night.  She has a strong bond with Daddy now, and wants to spend as much time with him as she does with me.  She can potty independently, except for the occasional poo-wipe or help with difficult clothes.  She can play independently for quite a while.  She's happy to stay at her grandmother's house, even overnight.  And I'm really glad that I've had this time where it's just me and her... that's so special to me.  I think she'll be much more confident and ready to handle a new baby now.  The guilt that I was having a year ago about how a new baby would affect her is gone, because I think she's in a place now where she's secure enough that the effect will be a positive and exciting change and won't shatter her world.  Of course I'll try to post again after the baby comes and let you know if I was completely off-base, lol!    

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#20 of 20 Old 03-13-2012, 08:31 AM
 
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I just had DS three weeks ago. DD 2 1/2 is still nursing and did all the way through my pregnancy. My milk never completely dried up. She primarily nurses at night and in the morning. I got a lot of "not much milk" during the last month of my pregnancy. Now I get told that's lots of milk.
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