How will the effect our nursing relationship? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 01-04-2005, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Let me start this off by asking for gentle answers... no flames or rebukes, please! This is a horribly sensitive issue for me and I will try to give as much background as I can. But please know that I am truly a good mama, trying to do the best for my family and especially my DD.

Okay, I am a working parent. My DH is a SAHD. This happened because I had to move a few years ago (before DD) and he wasn't able to find a job immediately. He was diagnosed with MS a few months later and isn't able to get health insurance, so I had to keep working at my job and not change insurance so we can cover his treatments.

So anyway, I work in a pretty good job. I Was able to take nearly 7 months off for maternity PLUS a month of bedrest before DD was born. I work from home most of the time. So I can nurse my DD and don't pump much. When I have to be away, it is only for a few hours, so I'm never away over night.

She is now 13.5 mo and nurses anywhere from 4-12 times per day... sometimes more, I really don't count. She sleeps in 5-6 hour stretches at night when she isn't teething and when she wakes I nurse her back to sleep.

In February, I have a very important meeting that I must attend for my job. It is in Florida and I will have to fly there and stay in a hotel for several nights. We cannot really afford to pay for my DH and DD to come along. My DH said that he can give her my pumped stash in a cup during the day when she wants it (she drinks from a cup) and at night, when she wakes, he will give her the milk from a bottle, so she can suck. While I am gone I will pump every 3-4 hours and take MM tea and fenugreek to keep up my supply.

I am so scared that this is going to end our nursing relationship. The trip is going to part us for 3 nights... about 3.5-4 days. I just don't know what to do... What would being apart for that time do to our nursing relationship?

The thing that is hard is that I don't have a choice about this. I berate myself all the time for having to work. I wish we could find a way to live off the money from my DH's business... but b/c of the insurance situation and his health care needs, we don't have a choice. I want so badly to be a SAHM who never has to leave her baby, but I just can't. We have a home to pay for, and bills... plus our loans from college.

Do you have any advice? Will this end our relationship? I really, really, desperately want her to lead the weaning. I seriously cannot imagine not nursing her.

Edited to add: I am sorry if this is in the wrong forum. But I don't think this is an overcoming difficulties. I hope it doesn't offend anyone... I am trying to do CLW and need support on this issue. I know that working and being away from baby can be considered against CLW, but I am really trying to do it. So that is why I posted here!
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#2 of 11 Old 01-04-2005, 11:00 PM
 
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to you Beanie Mom!!!

I don't think it will end your relationship. When my dd was about 20 months she stopped nursing for about 3 days when she had hand foot and mouth and then can back to the boob no trouble.

I hope more seasoned Moms in this department way in but I think you will be okay. Be open with her and let her know your feelings, that you want her to continue if she wants to.

I commend you for thinking ahead.
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#3 of 11 Old 01-04-2005, 11:14 PM
 
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Since she's so used to being with dad and taking bottles I think it is going to be OK. I don't know that you need to take the supplements while you're away. I think pumping will be enough. When you get back though if she's trying to switch to the bottle instead of the boob I'd make a no bottle's visable or used in the house whenever mom is home rule.

I think you will both miss eachother terribly though and I feel so sad for you.

I get so pissed that society is so anti-family. Always separating them.
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#4 of 11 Old 01-04-2005, 11:19 PM
 
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I'm wondering how much of your post is your worries about your dd and how much your worries about how others will respond to you when they read your post. I am sympathetic, btw, no flames here. But only you know your dd. (Mine, at that age, would not have stopped nursing, but she would seriously have fallen apart. I was a FT grad student with an assistantship, but my presence at night was extremely important for her.) If she were capable of understanding this situation, what would she say? What could you do to make the separation easier for her?

Wish I could offer to pay for your dh's plane ticket. :-(

Oye Yemaya oloto
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#5 of 11 Old 01-04-2005, 11:36 PM
 
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If you have to work, try to accept it. Regret and anxiety is not going to help you, your baby, or your husband. When you are at work, do your job. When you are home give your baby as much of yourself as possible. Nursing Mother, Working Mother by Gale Pryor is a great book that may be helpful for you.

It is impossible to predict if your baby will refuse to nurse when you return. What good does it do to worry about it? Assume she will nurse and if she doesn't get help from a LLL Leader or LC.

: Grandmother , 3 Adult Sons

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#6 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 01:01 PM
 
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oh, BeanieMa, you sound so sad and worried...I think that MamaAllNatural has given you some good feedback (as has everyone else ). I had to leave dd for a weekend when she was 2ish...I had to trust that dad and her could make it through...she nursed like, um, exhaustively when I returned home...may that be what happens for you!!

Try to let it be and get what you can out of the conference...and recognize that tho' you will both grieve this separation, you will get through it. You both have dh to help out, her in person, you on the phone.

I too wish that other arrangements could be made by the powers that be to spare you this difficulty. Good luck
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#7 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 01:17 PM
 
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every child is different, but I think it will be ok.

I was away from dd for a night when she was 6 months old. (i know, just one night, but she was sooo little) - dh is also a sahd. I pumped, it turned out ok. Also, I was also planinning on being away for 4 nights, and it ended up being 5 last april, when she was a little over 2.5 yrs old. Older than your dd, but I had stopped pumping by then, so she didnt' have any ebm. And I didnt' pump at all on my trip. I was really worried, but she resumed nursing as if nothing had happened.

I think if your dd is used to being with her daddy and has ebm; and you're pumping while you're gone, it'll be ok.

you have to do what you have to do. I worked full time until dd was almost 1.5yrs old, and have been working pt since. So I know the guilt and the anguish that comes with it.

do you think there is any chance your work would buy them tickets? Or help you out? I know my company wouldn't, but I've heard that some do that. Or another thought - how long of a drive would it be? One of my business trips required me to be away for almost a week, and it was only a 4 hr drive, so I rented a car instead of flying and dh and dd came with me - they had fun during the day while I worked. My company paid for the car rental and the hotel (and most of the food)

best of luck!!
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#8 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice and hugs. I'm planning to take the supplements because I have noticed dips in supply when I leave for the day and pump instead of nurse, so I'm just trying to avoid a potential problem.

Thank you for being supportive... I feel a lot of grief over our situation and have trouble accepting that it cannot be changed. And I get mixed reactions about it. I just didn't want to get advice that I should go, get a different job, etc. I hate that I have to be away from her, but my company has been very understanding so far. My boss just cannot put people off anym,ore. He was able to excuse me from two other trips when my DD was not taking a bottle and not eating solids, plus they paid for my DH and DD to come with me on a few trips, too.

I wish we could drive there... it would be nearly 20 hours in the car and my DD hates the car. We try to keep trips as short as possible and turned her seat around last month (even tho I wanted to keep her rearfacing for as long as I could) to make car trips more bearable. I just can't see how we'd do the drive without stopping for at least one overnight and then I'd have to take time off w/o pay and pay for the hotel, etc.

I'm feeling a little better. My mom is going to come down and stay with my DH to help out when I'm gone. My DD loves her grandma, so that should help, too. I just hope these molars pop out by then and she is sleeping a little better and back to eating solids. That would ease my mind alot.
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#9 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 01:39 PM
 
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Relax, you are doing what you need to do to be the best mommy for your dd. Life isn't cut and dry, and I think the "I'd do anything to SAH" "I'd never leave my baby" people do the rest a true diservice.

Ok I was away from ds for 3 days at 18 months and dd for 3 days at 5 months, yes I left my 5 month old for 3 days, because dh was in grad school, and I was the income and the insurance, being away from her for 3 days while she had her loving dad and brother there so I could provide the money for food and shelter and the insurance. Which is more important a few days away, or no medical insurance? I'm sorry but for me it's an easy choice. Both my children went right back to nursing when I got home.

I'm sorry if I've ranted a bit, but children are resilant and I'm so tired of women making other women feel guilty for choices they make while parenting,when they are clearly doing what is best for their family, we need to support each other and understand that everyone has different circumstances in thier lives.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#10 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 01:47 PM
 
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I've heard of other working mamas who've had to go away on business trips, pump the whole time, then resume nursing when they return. (Women who go away for several days on vacation without the baby still puzzle me though.)

It's not like she's a newborn who's going to forget how to latch, she'll be with Daddy the whole time, and she'll probably be fine. I'm willing to bet that you'll have a harder time with the separation than she will!!

When you return, she may run over to you and latch right on, or she might feel angry and need some coaxing back to the breast. If she does resist nursing when you return, it should only be temporary. There's some great info about this at kellymom.com

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#11 of 11 Old 01-05-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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For some hugs and support...Come on over to the working mamas forum ... we don't bite and we chat about stuff like this ALL the time. (find it under the parenting issues forum).

Geofizz (another wohm and a member here) once reminded me that a nursing strike can last 2 weeks. Before you go, read up on nursing strikes and then when you return try to take a few days off to just focus on your family.

As far as going vs. not going. for me it is a no-brainer. If in the interest of your family's well being you have to go, then go. Plain and simple.

Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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