I feel so horrible about this but I can hardly stand nursing Sarah anymore. It just grosses me out. I don't know how else to explain it. I just feel violated every time she nurses, even though it's only 3 to 5 times a day. I am starting to feel burned out, touched out, perhaps. I mean, it's been longer that I nursed her since Ashley's conception than it was under "normal" circumstances (ie. not pregnant or tandem nursing). In other words I nursed her alone for the first 14 months of her life and then I got pregnant and it's been 19 long months since then, either dealing with the uncomfortableness of nursing during pregnancy or juggling my two tandem nursing girls. I can't even remember those carefree days anymore when it was just me and her curling up and enjoying nursing together. It's all so different now.
Yet, I feel terribly guilty for feeling this way and the thought of her actually weaning makes me sad. I always wanted her to self-wean, although I did nightwean her during pregnancy to save my sanity. Since then I decided not to impose too many restrictions on her during the day, but I do find myself asking her to wait or telling her "not now" or asking her to read a book instead. But then I feel bad about it, because she looks so disappointed, possibly even rejected sometimes. How do other tandem mamas deal with their feelings in the short term (get away from me) vs. what they want for their nurslings long term (child-led weaning)?