Okay to leave 3 y.o. for a weekend??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I have been invited to the beach for a girls weekend, and I really want to go, but I am a little worried about leaving DS for two nights. DS is 3 1/2 years old, but I have never been away for even one night. He is only nursing at bedtime and when he wakes in the morning. Would it be too much for him if I were gone for 2 nights? I would be leaving him with DH. Do you think I would need to pump while away to prevent engorgement?
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#2 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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At 3 1/2 your son should be at a good age to spend the weekend with his father. If it was anybody but his dad, I would say it could depend on the child if 3 1/2 is a good age. I'm sure your husband will make the most of that special father-son bonding moment. With enough breastmilk stored, they should be fine. Enjoy the weekend!
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#3 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 12:55 PM
 
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I'm considering this too, but not until Dec. '06. My sons will be 4 (self-weaned at 3 though), and 1 month shy of 3 years old (still nurses a few times a day). I'll have a 4 month old baby by then too if all goes as planned, and my husband will be going to Paris for a long weekend (we met in Paris and haven't been back since). The trip would be paid for by the company honoring him there (plus 1 guest), and I can't imagine not going, but I can't imagine bringing 3 kids, and was hoping that their grandmother would come stay with them so that they could go.
I feel guilty already just thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure they'd be fine, though the younger one has never been away from me for more than a few hours, and I have been away overnight once from my older son just before my father died.
I really think by 3 he'd be fine, but you know him best! And since it's your husband he'd be with, I'd be inclined to say go for it.

- Krista

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#4 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support, Mamas! It will be nice for DH and DS to have that special time together, too!
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#5 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 01:22 PM
 
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Sounds like fun! You probably wouldn't have any issue with nursing, depending on how much he's still nursing, but I'd bring a pump with you, just in case. If you don't have a pump, hand expression would probably do the trick as well.
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#6 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 05:03 PM
 
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I needed to be away a couple times last year on business, son was 2yrs. 7 mo. at first trip. He definitely missed his 'nippy' first day and night but settled in with his dad and older brother for the next 2 nights. I did pump first night and a bit the next morning. Also found that hand expressing milk while in the shower worked very well. I had to be gone 4 days and found by second day I no longer needed to express milk. My little one after each trip was able to resume nursing as he always did without missing a beat. NO problems with pain or engorgement. He still nurses several times each day, before bed, in a.m. wee hours and before rising. I'm in my seventh year of straight nursing, and 'needed' the break as much for business as for myself. My breasts and body are tired. I think you should just weigh out whether you believe it will be more stressful than invigorating for you, and also if your little ones father is nurturing and attentive and if he invites this opportunity to tend to ds, then you should definitely go for it, enjoy and know that ALL will be well.


We can't of course assume that your body will respond in the same way as mine, but I believe that for only two nights, you will be able to express (with pump of by hand) and be fine resuming nursing one your return home without any challenge.

Good luck and ENJOY!
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#7 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't enjoy the seperation and neither would my children (although my son is only 2.5 now) I don't buy into the idea of leaving my children with other people so they can bond with other people. - Like leave them alone with their Dad for a few days so they can bond. I also don't believe in forcing children to be without their mother so they don't become too dependant. My children are close to my Dh, however they depend on ME being there every day and night. My babies want their Mommy and they can have me.

When they are older, like maybe 5 or 6 it will be fun for us to be apart for a day and night, but now it would just hurt them. I am not okay with them crying for me and being scared because I'm not there. I can't enjoy myself when I am wondering if they are crying their hearts out.

If your 3 year old is attached to you, and depends on you to be there every night, he will probably be unhappy without you. I think you suspect that already, or else why post? I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear.

If you go, go for YOU. If you have to question whether he'll be okay, then you are not doing this to benefit him (i.e. He'll have fun bonding with his father). It will probably just stress out your son. You are doing it for YOU, despite the fact he probably won't like it.
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#8 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 06:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
If you go, go for YOU. If you have to question whether he'll be okay, then you are not doing this to benefit him (i.e. He'll have fun bonding with his father). It will probably just stress out your son. You are doing it for YOU, despite the fact he probably won't like it.

I agree about going for *you* and not so your son can bond with someone else or become more independant. But it doesn't sound like that's why you'd be going... I didn't leave my son overnight until I really felt he was ready and that was when he was 3 years and 2 months. I wouldn't have left him if I didn't have someone that I didn't feel absolutely confident leaving him with but I did - my mom. I would also leave him with dh (he's a sahd) but dh and I went away overnight. Ds still nurses quite a few times a day and at night and he was fine with my mom. I had only a tiny doubt that he might possibly wake at night and be very upset that I wasn't there but mostly I felt he'd be fine because he'd be with my mom who he absolutely adores and pretty much wants nothing to do with me when she is around.

I think it does depend on the child and who they are being left with. In your case it sounds like it'll be fine. So have fun and let us know how it goes!!

Allison
ds 5/8/02

Allison, mom to ds born May 2002
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#9 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 06:59 PM
 
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Some children older than your son would have a hard time. Some children younger than your son wouldn't miss their mom's (even very attached, constantly nursing kids) much at all.

How do you think *your* son will react?

DD spent the night with her Nana & Poppa at almost 3.5 and she did great. She was not night weaned at the time. But she *really* wanted to. When we called the next morning she actually put the phone down w/out talking hoping we would just leave her alone DS was younger when he spent the night with Nana & Poppa (and sissy). He was still nursing every 1-2 hours during the night. He also wanted to. The both went to two nights of Grandparent Camp last summer (6.5 & almost 4--- going 4-5 hours once a night, still nursing 5-8+ times daily) and they both loved it. SO, I don't think seperation at that age, even if still nursing, needs to be traumatic. BUT, I very much wanted it to be a choice on my kids part.

Have you asked your DS? What does he say? Is there anything special your DH could do with him that weekend? Maybe even start a tradition!

 

 

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#10 of 18 Old 02-07-2006, 07:12 PM
 
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It really depends on the 3yo in question. Some kids would do fine with it, others would be miserable.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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#11 of 18 Old 02-13-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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I left my dd for a night for the first time when she was three. She was (and still is) nursing every night and morning. I was worried about it, but she really wanted to go up to the cottage with her grandparents and I wanted to let her be independent.

Well, the next morning I got a phone call... "Mom. Can I stay another night." me "umm, sure" * sound of phone dropping and feet running away*

The next morning I got another phone call..."Mom. Can I stay another night..." You get the picture.

She stayed away THREE nights. My parents said she pretended to nurse a couple of times but other than that was never said. When she got home the first thing she wanted to do was nurse.

She has now been away from me several times. She doesn't think about nursing when she's not with me, but would never go to bed without it when she is with me.

I agree with the PPs who said only you know your child. But I wanted to add in a super positive experience with a young nurser who loves taking adventures away from her mama.
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#12 of 18 Old 02-13-2006, 05:36 PM
 
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I had to leave my 3 1/2 yr old because of a personal family emergency (looong story) and it was so hard for me. I was gone 3 days... I didn't get really engorged, so I didn't pump (she was only nursing 1x a day, and just a little bit, so maybe you would be engorged?)
Having been there, I was shocked that she did so well. My husband said he really appreciated having the time with the kids on his own. He also said he had a whole new understanding of what it was like to take care of everyone, house etc. I would say in retrospect it was a bad situation that turned into one of the biggest learning curves we've both had. Vy positive.
Have fun on your weekend, it's hard to leave them, but you know the right balance for YOU.
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#13 of 18 Old 02-13-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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Agreeing with others who have mentioned it depends on your child. At 3 1/2 my son had already had several overnights with friends and family and I wouldn't have though twice about it - I would have run....run fast to the beach!!! God I could use a beach vacation!!!!
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#14 of 18 Old 02-14-2006, 10:51 PM
 
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i think it's good for moms to have time away, the chances don't come by that often!
I think you will come back refreshed from having more than 1 or 4 hours of 'not being immediately needed' kwim

and I think it's okay for a 3 yr old to miss mom to a degree, I wouldn't want any child crying themselves to sleep, but if the child is left with a trusting nuturing person that they can relate to and seek comfort from, then let them. It's good for them to find out they can get comfort from another person.

my dd will be 3 in 3 weeks. I have left her for one night on 3 occassions, one this past weekend because she wanted to sleep over by best firend's house, she is best friend's with her 5 yr old daughter. She slept with my b friend, she is an advocate of co-sleeping, and her 2 dd will jump in on any given night. Well my dd woke in the middle of the night and went to the door looking for me. My b friend picked her up and brought her back to bed, she never cried, just wanted to know where I was, no tears, no fussiness. That night she had nursed around 6pm, a lil bit early and I left at 9pm, when they were settling in to bed.

over the past 4 months my dd regularly falls asleep without nursing and sleeps thru the night, so I feel very comfortable going out at night. She has never gone 24 hours without nursing, but sometimes she nurses in the am or the pm or both, I have been eliminating her daytime nursing(un less he skips an am) for a few months with distraction and it has been working for us. So under my circumstances I would feel very comfortable leaving her for a day or two.
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#15 of 18 Old 02-15-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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My son,who's almost 3, regularly spends 2 nights a week with his dad (cosleeping) and has taken 2 3-day trips with him to see relatives. He always does just fine, in a jolly mood when he gets back, and still nurses when he wakes up in the morning with me. If you think your child is ready he'll probably be just fine.
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#16 of 18 Old 03-09-2006, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to let everyone know that I decided not to go away for a whole weekend . Instead DH and I went away for one night to a little b&b about 30 minutes from our house. My parents kept DS at our home and they had a fantastic time (my mom was in hog heaven!). DS was very happy to see us when we returned home the next day. He kept a very close eye on me after the trip for the next week or so. I just felt that 2 nights might be a little too much for him (and me) at this point.

DH and I had a great time, too. We had really been needing a little time alone .

Thanks for all your comments and support
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#17 of 18 Old 03-10-2006, 12:24 PM
 
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That's great Kellie! I'm glad it went well. I also thought I wanted to start with just one night away but since it went so well for us I would be ok now with more than one night. Glad you got some time with dh!

Allison
ds 5/8/02

Allison, mom to ds born May 2002
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#18 of 18 Old 03-10-2006, 02:40 PM
 
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I'm glad it went well! One night to start is probably best (I know that the 1st time DD was away for two nights we found out that was just too much). Glad you all had a great time!

 

 

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