Who knows you still nurse? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-19-2006, 10:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, just out of curiosity, who knows that you're still nursing a toddler/older child? How much support/criticism do you get IRL?

I just got off the phone with my old college roommate. She has a six week old, and I wanted to see how they were doing. The phone call was going great--she loved the Sears Baby Book that we sent her, and she went out and got the No Cry Sleep Solution and some other good stuff. She had some difficulty breastfeeding, but things are going better and she's trying to switch away from formula. They're cosleeping now and again, although she's still really nervous about that.

Then she asked me how long I nursed DD. I told her that we nursed for a really long time. She asked if that meant two years, so I told her that DD self-weaned at 4 (just this past summer). I think she thought I was completely insane. She was nice about it, though, and just commented that she didn't think she could do that. It occurred to me just how few people know that she nursed this long. We really never nursed in public since before she was two or so, so only a handful of people really knew she was still nursing.

We told people in our AP playgroup that she weaned, so they knew she had been nursing (and were of course supportive). DD announced her weaning at church one morning during a sharing of joys and sorrows (to my great surprise), but most people didn't understand her... We got a couple of supportive comments and a couple of those looks.... My mom has been supportive enough (at least she never really commented one way or another). I guess I sort of forgot how "weird" it is to be nursing a 4 year old until my conversation tonight. Ugh. I hate feeling weird. I really need to get over that.

Anyway, tell me about your support or lack thereof IRL.
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Old 10-19-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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Only a few people know my son is still nursing. I don't bring the subject up.

The last time I visited my parents, my stepmother 'discovered' it, or figured it out, and was surprised and obviously trying not to show disapproval. No one says anything, but I can tell they think it's weird. They don't know anyone else who's done it...neither do I, actually, not IRL, anyway.
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Old 10-20-2006, 02:26 AM
 
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Everyone knows I am nursing my daughter -- and most comments are very negative. People laugh at me directly & sometimes behind my back, making fun. They tell me it's time to stop because she is 2 years old. I am told by EVERYONE I know, to stop nursing her.
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Old 10-20-2006, 02:28 AM
 
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DD is only two (wow- just about the only place I won't get looked at weird for THAT, huh?) but everyone knows she nurses. She still nurses ALL THE TIME. Whenever and wherever.

-Angela
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Old 10-20-2006, 02:50 AM
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Originally Posted by mb722toddler View Post
I am told by EVERYONE I know, to stop nursing her.
Me, too. My ds CLW, my oldest dd was bf until she was 3, my 2nd dd I weaned due to medical conditions at 22 months, my still bf'ing baby is 19 months and I am planning on letting her CLW....I will definitely be coming here to MDC for my support, and our IRL MDC mama's.
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Old 10-20-2006, 03:38 AM
 
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Plenty of support here!

Mine just turned three, everyone thinks it's time to wean, or they bite their lip and say nothing. I suspect he has another year under his belt. Anyhow, it's a good way to keep him still and quiet!
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Old 10-20-2006, 04:40 AM
 
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Still nursing and will do so whenever we need to - we're trying to do it more in homes (she is just to wiggly to do this comfortable in public most times - unless she's tired) But it more for ease of nursing that anything else. We were recently on a camping trip to Mexico with a few other familes - I nursed her round the campfire every night - Never got any comments - 'cept for "how old is she?" I would smile and say, "2 years, plus" Thankfully, i haven't ever received any flack for nursing any of my kiddos.
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Old 10-20-2006, 10:16 AM
 
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B/C I am a hospital based IBCLC, many nurses that I work w/ are aware. Plus immediate family all know. I do get some disapproval, but most are rather gentle in statements.

Heather: wife to Chris ; mama to Sophia (7/03) ; Juliana (8/07):; and Peter (3/12/10)
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Old 10-20-2006, 10:20 AM
 
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Everyone knows - family knows, friends know, random strangers walking down the street know, my almost 4 year old LOVES to talk about his nursies

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Old 10-20-2006, 11:22 AM
 
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Nursies! That's wHAT MY DD, 3.5,calls them, too! People who know me, know that she nurses. The dentist doesn't know.

"With the thoughts I'd be thinkin', I could be another Lincoln,

If I only had a brain."duh.gif

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Old 10-20-2006, 03:42 PM
 
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People that are around me when she wants to nurse. The only time I have refused to nurse her in front of someone is when I was at a Pampered Chef Party with a bunch of women I have never met that didn't seem very approving since they were scowling at her playing.
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Old 10-20-2006, 03:48 PM
 
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My friends from LLL know, and my dad and brother know. Other family may suspect but are too chicken to ask. And anyone I know online knows. My dd is almost 3 yo.

My dd also announced she was nursing recently, but no one understood her either. We were on a tour of the "Mark Twain Cave" in Hannibal, MO. We were in a room in the cave and the tour guide was talking about feelings (someone being scared or sad or something) and dd took that moment to take over the tour and explain the sometimes she is "sad when mommy says I can't have nurnee anymore." (Usually this is when I have to pee or her baby sister is screaming or something, I will ask her to stop.) It was funny, the tour guide was really empathic and said, "Oh, that would make me sad too!" Dh and I were cracking up, we were obviously the only ones who knew what she was talking about.

An extrovert, married to my introverted dh since '01, mothering my girls C (2003) and G (2006).

 

Love homeschooling, reading, cooking (most of the time grain-free except for when I'm not ), lactivist, former and wanna-be cloth diaperer and baby-wearer...

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Old 10-20-2006, 05:17 PM
 
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Both sets of grandparents know DS #1 is nursing & I occasionaly still nurse him in front of them (prefer not to.) My LLL group knows, and online friends. I have 2 real life friends that know. And my sisters/brother in law.

DS #2 is 2 and I am still NIPing where ever with him, so more people know that he is nursing.

I'm Deborah, mama to Aidan, 11/02, Sean, 9/04 (my T21 SuperBoy), and Eleanor, 8/08.
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Old 10-20-2006, 05:40 PM
 
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I don't advertise it, but I don't hide it either. I still NIP, without reservation (my dd will turn two in a couple of weeks). My sisters know, my friends. Nobody has not supported me but I don't have any cheerleaders either. It's just one of those things that just IS. I don't think anyone feels the need to give their opinion about it one way or another.
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Old 10-21-2006, 02:44 AM
 
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I don't try to hide at all that dd is still nursing at 3 1/2. Everyone knows and I often tell people that I meet. Occasionally as an after thought I wonder if they think I'm strange, but it works for us-so oh well! Dd has only been nursing to go to sleep for the past few weeks, but in the past two nights has woken me once or twice and asked. She has an allergy cough and I guess that's why.Anyways it's a beautiful thing and I figure if the world knows I can spread the good word!
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Old 10-21-2006, 12:25 PM
 
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A lot of people know we still nurse but I'm sure some just assume she's weaned. We stopped NIP awhile ago now because she refuses to use her manners & now show her beautiful nunnies to the world - although if she really needs it we do, but that's rare.

I know my IL's think I'm insane & they refuse to keep her overnight, which is just fine with me anyway, but I think MIL gave up trying to talk to me about it by now, lol! I recently had a conversation with DD's daycare teacher & another mom about her still nursing & the teacher seemed to be in awe & the other mom was extremely supportive!
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Old 10-21-2006, 04:14 PM
 
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I don't advertise that I am "still" nursing DS (I do with DD, but she is "only" 1!), but if someone directy asks me I am hones about it. Several of our closer friends, both sets of grandparents and my siblings all know. I think most of them (including DH) think I am strange for still doing it, but that is their problem, not mine, and nobody ever is rude about it, just questioning, so fine by me. I can see that DS clearly still has a need (probably not so much physical at almost 4, but definitely emotional) to nurse, so I plan to continue till his need is fulfiled.

Jill stillheart.gif Chris (7/96), mommy to 3 sweet redheads: jumpers.gif Matthew autismribbon.gif (12/02), Michelle (8/05) and Marissa (1/10). Nursing since 2002.
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Old 10-22-2006, 01:52 PM
 
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I think only my in-laws and my mom know my oldest (40 months) is still nursing. I think a few friends do, too, and that's about it. I never nurse him in public anymore, unless it is an "emergency."

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Old 10-22-2006, 04:36 PM
 
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Interesting question. I am enjoying the responses. I'm not exactly sure who knows I still nurse. My mom, dad, and sister know. They don't really say much about it. My closest friends know. They are supportive because they both nursed children past the age of two. DH's family probably suspects we are still nursing, but they don't ever ask about it. I think the thought makes them extremely uncomfortable. I know they don't really "approve" of nursing an older child and think it's weird.

I don't hide the fact that we still nurse, but I don't shout it out from the rooftops, either. I recently started hanging out with a mom who only nursed her DD for 9 months. I must admit that it was hard for me not to pass judgement on such an early weaning. I haven't mentioned that I'm still nursing. I am disappointed in myself for not sharing this info, but I don't want to scare her away right off the bat. Does that make sense? Hmmm...I guess if I "scare her off" she isn't really my type of person anyway...

By the way, DD is 2 1/2 years old.
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Old 10-22-2006, 04:57 PM
 
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DD does. Ok, so so does dh and our ds. And mil *might* know since we live here but I am not sure that she does either. Everyone else in the family just has assumed that we have long since weaned.
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Old 10-22-2006, 05:49 PM
 
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I think sometimes I like to shock people. I casually mention that my oldest is still nursing (he's only 2.5 years). I haven't received any negative feedback, but I can tell that people are taken back a bit. I want people to know so that I help the "word get out" that breastfeeding a toddler is a good thing, and more people should do it and be aware that I am doing it. There are lots of young moms in my community, and most of them think a baby should be weaned at 6 months. Nobody has responded with "Good for you!" yet, but I definately don't keep it a secret.
Sometimes when I find out a mom is pregnant with another baby I pose the question, "Are you going to tandem nurse?" Or "Does your 3 year old still nurse?" because I want them to realize how un-crazy I think it is. They all think I'm bizarre.
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Old 10-22-2006, 11:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bass chick View Post
I think sometimes I like to shock people. I casually mention that my oldest is still nursing (he's only 2.5 years). I haven't received any negative feedback, but I can tell that people are taken back a bit. I want people to know so that I help the "word get out" that breastfeeding a toddler is a good thing, and more people should do it and be aware that I am doing it. There are lots of young moms in my community, and most of them think a baby should be weaned at 6 months. Nobody has responded with "Good for you!" yet, but I definately don't keep it a secret.
Sometimes when I find out a mom is pregnant with another baby I pose the question, "Are you going to tandem nurse?" Or "Does your 3 year old still nurse?" because I want them to realize how un-crazy I think it is. They all think I'm bizarre.
This is pretty much what I was going to write
When I was a teenager I was constantly doing things for shock value and negative attention. For me as an older and wiser adult it has been a healthier way to shock people. I, too feel like it needs to be normalized. The more people see it or hear about it the less the weird extented breastfeeders have to hide.
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Old 10-23-2006, 02:48 AM
 
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My dd is 28 months, and the only people that know she is still nursing are my dh, older dd, mom and dad. My parents have been very supportive, but have started asking when she is going to wean : DH is still very supportive- he believes in letting her wean on her own

C- mama to K (8) and A (5.5) (8w5d) 10/08, new baby O-2.11.10
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Old 10-23-2006, 02:52 AM
 
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I tandem nurse my 3 year old and her 9 month old sister. Everyone knows she nurses because I'm very pro NIP without shame. Mostly all I hear is comments directed at dd which makes me pretty angry. "You're too old for nummies now!" "I thought you were a big girl!" "Nummies are for babies!" .. and zero support for me except my dh. My one close friend IRL doesn't say anything negative and tries to be polite. "Weell.. if it works for you..I couldn't do that.."

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Old 10-23-2006, 02:56 AM
 
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I think sometimes I like to shock people. I casually mention that my oldest is still nursing (he's only 2.5 years). I haven't received any negative feedback, but I can tell that people are taken back a bit. I want people to know so that I help the "word get out" that breastfeeding a toddler is a good thing, and more people should do it and be aware that I am doing it. There are lots of young moms in my community, and most of them think a baby should be weaned at 6 months. Nobody has responded with "Good for you!" yet, but I definately don't keep it a secret.
Sometimes when I find out a mom is pregnant with another baby I pose the question, "Are you going to tandem nurse?" Or "Does your 3 year old still nurse?" because I want them to realize how un-crazy I think it is. They all think I'm bizarre.
I do this too! I thought I was just weird...

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Old 10-23-2006, 09:23 PM
 
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DD is only two (wow- just about the only place I won't get looked at weird for THAT, huh?) but everyone knows she nurses. She still nurses ALL THE TIME. Whenever and wherever.

-Angela
Yep. I really don't get any negative comments, but I think people just prefer not to engage me on the topic.

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Old 10-23-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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DD is almost 15 mths so nearly everyone knows. I do get some "when are you weaning","Oh are you still doing that?" comments but I usually just tell them how i feel.

Sharon wife to my hero James and  momma to Kaitlyn 17, Tayler 15 and Anna 7.fur momma to Kami  pit/boxer mix.

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Old 10-23-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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Only my closest friends, family and midwife know.
My little boy does not talk about nursing in public...he's too busy doing other things.
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Old 10-24-2006, 12:23 AM
 
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DS says he'll be finished when he's 13 (it was 11 before) so I figure there's not much use in trying to hide it from people. He just turned 3.
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Old 10-24-2006, 12:40 AM
 
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I felt very comfy talking about it and NIP when we lived in Boulder. All of the friends and most of the neighbors knew. We just moved to Atlanta a few weeks ago and I have been feeling a little uncomfortable. I am very pro b'fing but am not as confident doing it here, just trying to find my comfort zone.
Most family conversations are "so is the little one (ds2) still nursing?" "Yup" and I leave it at that. They think I am mildly crazy but have never given me a hard time. Thankfully dh acts like it's nothing big. I always admire how he will just state like the fact that it its and doesn't attach alot of emotion/stigma to it with people he talks with. Sometimes I feel I need to exlpain. whatever parenting choices we've made and he just does it so easily and beautifully.
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