I feel like I am the only one. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-13-2007, 02:29 AM
 
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OP, I'm right there with you... or was, I think (ds may have just weaned, at nearly five years of age).

I never night-weaned, had very few boundaries for the first 2-3 years, and the boundaries that came up in the later years were basically "wait" if I was not able to drop everything at the moment, or if I was not comfortable in a public place.

DS started sleeping through the night without nursing at all around his fourth birthday. This time last year I could not imagine him not nursing. Now I can't believe he has just naturally found it is the time to stop, completely on his own.
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Old 01-14-2007, 01:52 AM
 
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we're totally commited to CLW as well. with first ds he nursed around the clock- no night weaning, nursed him through pregnancy and even nursed him to sleep, while I was in labor ( he was 3 1/2) I very rarely said "no" but there were a few occasions when my morning sickness was bad or I was feeling real tender I'd ask if we could wait a bit-and he was usually ok with that and once his baby brother arrived he would have to wait his turn sometimes to nurse ( we had positioning trouble with the baby) but once tandeming got easier...things were back to normal. I don't think having boundries is anti-CLW though. we did eventually establish some boundries like we didn't NEED to nurse in the middle of the grocery store when he was 4 yrs old like we did when he was 1-2 yrs. etc.

But I don't think those boundries led to his weaning... he just slowly nursed less sometimes skiping a day here and there.... he weaned on his own terms at 4 yrs 3 1/2 months old- his baby brother is now 15 months and nurses around the clock same as his big brother did and I expect he'll nurse just as long if not longer and I'm glad to do it!
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:27 AM
 
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Me too! This is my first visit and post here, and I came here just to make sure I wasn't the only nursing Mom of a 38 month old. I have very little restrictions, and I truly feel alone. My AP community seems to night wean at 12 months, but maybe just the poeple who do night waen post about it.

DS seemed to be self weaning, then he just went crazy these last two months. I'm obliging, and trying to find out what his needs are and if I can meet them other ways.

Thanks for the post.
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Old 01-14-2007, 11:08 AM
 
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I just realised D is 35 months old now (I don't really count months again, but since she will be 3 next month, its easy to calculate ) So I'm getting up there in age too

nothing more to say I guess :
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:24 PM
 
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You aren't alone!

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Old 01-14-2007, 02:37 PM
 
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My 3rd son is now happy with nursing once a day or every other day. He is 31months. I feel like i have my boundaries and like everything else in life for a toddler he needs to deal with my decision. For me it is that I don't enjoy nursing him anymore, I would much rather have a warm snuggle hug and a song that him sucking at my sensitive breats in the middle of winter. SO I say no to him if he asks more than our one morning nursing. But I think if you enjoy nursing and you are still able to pass on beautiful positive energy to your nursing toddler nurse on! But if you are being "permissive" to your toddler because you are afraid of a outburst then you are going to pay later with a child who doesn't stop till he gets what he wants. I like to say each mother has her own journey and if she is questioning herself it is probably time to change or believe in your choices again. There are so many Right ways to mother. blessings

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Old 01-15-2007, 06:26 AM
 
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You aren't alone, I don't even get peace in the bathroom


ITA

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Old 01-15-2007, 01:17 PM
 
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You are not alone

I don't think there is a right way to CLW. As long as you are sensitive to the needs of your child and have a relationship that is working for you that is all that matters.

In my case it is more of a dance, one step forward and two back that starts around the time they take solid foods. I do follow their lead for solids but at the same time I am making them available so which comes first? At certain ages I suggest limits but they are not hard and fast rules.

Right now I am pregnant and having some problems so last night I wore a nightgown to bed so that dd 4 could not find boobie in the night. She fumbles in her sleep but if she can't easily locate boob then she never wakes up either. When she asked yesterday I told her mommy and baby aren't feeling good and that we don't want to nurse. She agreed to only hug boob and to not put it in her mouth. To some this may be mother led weaning but at age four I think it is OK to come to an agreement that works for both of us.

We each have to find our own way.
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Old 01-15-2007, 07:04 PM
 
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my groups around here are just like you...and me. i get told all the time that i wouldnt be so tired if id night wean, provide rigid limits...yadda yadda. as long as i dont get bit, she doesnt try to nurse while im using the potty or show my boob to everyone in the room we are ok with continuing for however long she wants

im here for ya!
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Old 01-15-2007, 07:11 PM
 
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Not alone... count us in! No restrictions here either unless we're driving or on the pot
Not only do I feel like the last one around here nursing from our original nursie group -- but I feel like a weirdo for still enjoying our nursing relationship. The only time it's hard is when he is sick and I am the 24-hour cafe. But that's when it is easy to remind myself he needs it most. And he is RARELY sick.
I am not exhausted, I am not tired of it, I just love our nursing time and I am so glad I get to do it!

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Old 01-16-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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I feel very alone. I don't know anyone IRL who nursed past a year. Although I didn't put boundaries on nursing for either, I feel more commited to CLW with DD. Probably because I know it will end someday. DS weaned in August out of the blue ("I'm a big boy now"). Actually, the last time I nursed him was at a public party; he had choked on some ice and it was the only thing that calmed him. I thought he was weaned before that as it had been a week since he'd nursed. I never night weaned either. DD still gets up to nurse often. I haven't gotten a decent night sleep in over 5 years (insomnia in pregnancy) but I know someday sleep will come . I will never get back being able to nurse my babes :
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:07 PM
 
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you are not alone, but I envy your patience.
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Old 01-17-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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We are a no-night-weaning family with very few limits.

My limits are:
no biting
no rough aerobatics-type stuff
no obsessive rubbing of one or two spots on me until those spots feel like he's digging to China
no nursing while I eat my meal, unless sick, hurt, really sad, etc. Too many meals were becoming cold while I sat there hungry. It's a gentle restriction, but one I'm not always sure about.
no outdoor nursing in our neighborhood - As much of a Extended NIPer as I am, I don't need to deal with my neighbors calling CPS on me, and it would not be surprising if they did.



Anyway....here we are...more real CLWers.

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Old 01-17-2007, 04:22 PM
 
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Anyway....here we are...more real CLWers.
Jaclyn,

As much as I love you, and I do, I take real offense to that statement.

My 5 yo who is now weaning, and who was night-weaned due to waking 10-15x a night and I was suffering. Maybe you all are better parents than me who can parent w/very limited sleep, but, in fact, I do need like one 3 hr chunk to function. Without it, I get nutty and my parenting suffers. So despite the fact that he is weaning on his own at 5 w/few limits (including night weaning and once he turned 4 he needed to actually eat and not depend on me as his sole source of nourishment b/c my adult body is not meant to be under 100 pounds) that he is actually not truly or a "real" Child Led Weaned Child. I say that is bullshit.
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Old 01-17-2007, 06:03 PM
 
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Wow, Amy, I'm so sorry. I would totally include you in the "real CLWers" however I see now that it was totally unclear and I can't apologize enough. You have my utmost respect in how you're raising your kiddoes.

Let me try to clarify a little and say that I was referring to folks I've met in person who claim they had CLWed, but the conversation continues and you find that the babe 'self-weaned' at 8 months because he preferred a bottle that he been getting. ...Or she 'self-weaned' at 16 months because she was limited to only 3 nursings a day and mom went on a 5 day vacation without the child. that sort of thing.

I really feel terrible that you thought I would include you in not a 'real' CLWer and want you to know I'm really sorry I hurt you. s

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Old 01-17-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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Thank you so much Jaclyn and sorry for being a dufus. I am so sensitive to this topic and I overreacted.

I think I grouped you with many I have found on this board who all-out say that if you nightwean you are absolutely not CLW, which is the reason why I don't hang around here much. It is hurtful and painful.

And how many I wonder would be nursing through breast cancer (choosing holistic healing for many reasons but huge reason being the need to ensure that your sons are able to breastfeed) and while I have a huge tumor hanging out of my armpit causing me immeasureable amts of pain. So I do this because I am CLW and I know my younger guy is not ready to wean.

But according to many people's standards here I'm not CLW because I nightwean.
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Old 01-17-2007, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But according to many people's standards here I'm not CLW because I nightwean.
but in all honesty does it matter if you are considered a clw or not? i for one am not claiming to be superior, or a better mother for doing it.
i think you are an amazing incredible mama and i find your commitment to breastfeeding and to allowing your child to set the pace awe inspiring

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Old 01-17-2007, 09:41 PM
 
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but in all honesty does it matter if you are considered a clw or not? i for one am not claiming to be superior, or a better mother for doing it.
i think you are an amazing incredible mama and i find your commitment to breastfeeding and to allowing your child to set the pace awe inspiring
Well I don't feel comfortable visiting this forum because I nightwean..and I know I am not alone. Having to read post after post about how much more CLW certain mamas are because they don't, gasp, nightwean, is a bit too much. You can easily search "nightwean" in this forum and you will see what I mean.

But thanks mama
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Old 01-20-2007, 05:33 PM
 
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IMHO, anyone who is successful at night-weaning to the extent that they can grab a few more minutes/hours of shut-eye is enviable! I've spent the last 4.5 years as a 'real TIRED CLW-er'

But I can see that he is 'sleeping through' (even writing that expression gives me chills thinking of all those who suggested CIO and gave me sleep-books when he was younger) more often than not, at least for the last few months. But there are still nights when he simply needs to nurse multiple times, and I have no idea why.

My current thoughts are about how in the world can I comfort him through a fever once he's weaned? He has never cuddled with me sans boob, so I will be curious to see what transpires. Must trust that we will work it out.
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Old 01-20-2007, 05:55 PM
 
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My current thoughts are about how in the world can I comfort him through a fever once he's weaned? He has never cuddled with me sans boob, so I will be curious to see what transpires. Must trust that we will work it out.

You will. They seem to transition from nursing to cuddling and stroking the breast, laying their cheek against it, etc. Ds's transition was interesting in that his bedtime routine always ended with skin-to-skin contact, even if it was just holding hands - lately, he likes to have his back scratched and rubbed. I think the skin contact is what is important to him, he still seeks it just in non-nursing ways. Since weaning he also likes to put our foreheads together, then rub noses and tuck his face against my neck under my chin. The blissful look on his face when he does this reminds me of when he was a tiny nursling.

Although a couple of weeks ago, ds caught a cold and was feverish - he sought me out and asked to nurse. I brought him into my lap and let him do his fake latch (can't actually latch anymore) and he pretended to suck for about five seconds before letting go. It seemed to make him feel better, so...
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Old 01-26-2007, 07:48 PM
 
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Velcromom, thanks for the follow up. Very helpful input.

And thanks to the OP for bringing this up.
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Old 02-06-2007, 09:50 PM
 
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Well I don't feel comfortable visiting this forum because I nightwean..and I know I am not alone. Having to read post after post about how much more CLW certain mamas are because they don't, gasp, nightwean, is a bit too much. You can easily search "nightwean" in this forum and you will see what I mean.

But thanks mama
This is exactly why I don't visit this board. I truly believe you can be clw and set boundries. I can't imagine might weaning a young nurser, but I am pregnant, and tandeming my 2 and 4 yr olds. My four yr old was waking NUMEROUS times in the night(I was up more than 10 times a night between the two of them), more than my 2 yr old, and I have very little milk, so not only was I in pain, I couldn't sleep, and I was not able to function on the 20-30 bits here and there I was getting all night. I had a very good talk with ds and explained th situation(pain for mommy, being too tired, etc), and I let him know that I love nursing him, and don't want to stop, but that I need a little break at night while we are sleeping.
The first couple of nights he wanted to nurse, was not distressed at all, he nursed once each night to the count of ten, and laid back down and slept. This is the first time in his life he has slept through the night more than once every 2 weeks. His behavior has been better during the day(I think he was not getting enough sleep either), and I still nurse him if he really needs to(gets upset at all or doesn't go back to sleep easily).
I did try to night wean him around 3.5 but he was obviously not ready. He obviously is now...I believe clw is listening to your child,and their cues, and coming to an agreement that works for everyone(I am a person too, and I need my children to know that I have needs, and feelings also.). I actully think him wakign so often was bad for him too...
Anyway...good thread, I just wish this forum were more open.

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Old 02-06-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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I think you need to do what is best for YOUR family...that means different things to different people.

I have a few restrictions with my almost 5 1/2 year old..and most nights now she does not nurse in the night, sometimes I let her and sometimes I say no...and sometimes she doesn't wake up.

If you have a kid who is up all night.......nursing...for some the solution is to night wean...however I hope the baby is older than 2...and for others...they go with the flow : )

Thank GOD you are nursing period! I run tinto sooo many women who FF...I cant believe it!

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Old 02-07-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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I apologize for the interruption, I hope nobody feels like I'm being rude, but I just felt compelled to speak up here. I'm afraid some mamas are feeling shunned (perhaps on both "sides" though I truly hope there aren't any sides to take) and I want to do my part to make sure that doesn't happen.

I just wanted to point out that we did not start the child-led weaning forum as a forum with a strict one-size-fits-all definition. There are clearly different views on what exactly is child-led weaning and that's to be expected since we are all individuals following our own individual paths. The term "child-led weaning" has subjective meaning. There are clearly different categories under the title "child-led weaning" but, first and foremost, we need to respect our differences and not consider one way as being right and the other as wrong. Just as in any forum here at MDC, there are differences. Like in the homeschooling forum there are unschoolers and there are traditional homeschoolers (and tons in between), but all belong. kwim?

I think threads like this can make some mamas feel like they don't belong here BUT I think they/we need to realize that there is really nowhere else to discuss this topic and receive mutual support. They need support just as much as anyone here. I just ask that we all be careful in our terms and opinions that may shun others away and thus lose much-needed support. The thought of mamas feeling like they don't belong here just because they place/placed limits even though they are letting their child decide when to wean from the breast...makes me incredibly sad because I fought hard, really hard, alongside other mamas (including those, like the OP of this thread, who intended to place no limits) to have this forum put up so other mothers like us would receive whole-hearted support without constant disagreement and criticism (as we were receiving in other forums at the time).

Even though we all carry our own definition, if we are letting (or even intend to, or hope to let) our children ultimately decide when it is time to wean, regardless of age, then we all belong in the child-led weaning forum.

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Old 02-07-2007, 06:21 PM
 
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Old 02-07-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Thanks mama. Always words of wisdom. I guess it just hurts when someone thinks we aren't "real" CLW because I really feel like I am you know? I do place limits, but if I didn't I couldn't continue nursing for this long. Maybe I just am weaker or something, but extended nursing is hard for me much of the time. I have been nursing for 9+ years with no break, and most of that tandeming...I just feel like I am goign to scream if I don't place some limits(that are accepted with a talk and understanding, as I wait til my kiddos are older).

I feel bad for even posting on this thread now. I do see how it would be hurtful for the OP for the kind of input I gave.
Sorry.

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Old 02-07-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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Well Said!!!!!
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Old 02-07-2007, 07:10 PM
 
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I wasn't committed to CLW, but that was what I did. My son just weaned about two months ago. He just turned four. Most people I knew told me I would have to initiate weaning, or he would keep nursing past the point that I was comfortable. That did not happen.

I must say, if it weren't for you folks here who let me know that there was a term for waiting for him to be ready to stop--I wouldn't have had a good name for what I was doing! Thank you so much!

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