Does it make you sad when you hear a mom is weaning at 1 year? or earlier? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
angelachristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know it shouldn't matter to me how another mom chooses to feed her baby, but it always makes me a little sad to hear a mom is weaning at 1 year just because that's what everyone else does.

I probably won't completely do CLW. I am so sick of pumping at work that I'm going to eventually stop pumping and give DD cow's milk while at daycare (when the frozen bm runs out). At some point I'm going to have to night wean or I really will become a zombie at work and get nothing done. But other than that I think DD knows better than me when she is ready to be done nursing. At 11 months she is still nursing at least 6 times a day, and I can't imagine taking that away from her just because she's almost a year old.
angelachristine is offline  
#2 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:17 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Considering that the vast majority of kids in this country aren't even nursed past six months, no. I congratulate a mother on breastfeeding for an entire year. Good for her!
zinemama is offline  
#3 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:19 PM
 
Daisie125's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, I do feel sad. However, like the above poster I try to remind myself that baby got WAY more breastmilk than most babies in this country.

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
Daisie125 is offline  
#4 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
angelachristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Considering that the vast majority of kids in this country aren't even nursed past six months, no. I congratulate a mother on breastfeeding for an entire year. Good for her!
I agree bfing for a year is a great accomplishment.

Not bfing past a year just because "that's what everyone else does" is sad.
angelachristine is offline  
#5 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:26 PM
 
alegna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,408
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes. But many parenting decisions make me sad.

-Angela
alegna is offline  
#6 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:43 PM
 
Lovenest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: In a love nest in the NW.
Posts: 3,035
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes it does, but it also would make me feel better that they were at least nursed for a year as the prior posters have stated.
Lovenest is offline  
#7 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 06:47 PM
 
rmzbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 16,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, but then again - many parenting decisions *I* have made make me incredibly sad!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
rmzbm is offline  
#8 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 09:06 PM
 
Ks Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NJ - in our perennial garden
Posts: 1,923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelachristine View Post
I know it shouldn't matter to me how another mom chooses to feed her baby, but it always makes me a little sad to hear a mom is weaning at 1 year just because that's what everyone else does.
Yes, it should matter! Those little people are going to grow up with your children, and you know that breastmilk is best for children for AT LEAST one year, and you know you've made informed decisions. So if it didn't matter to you how someone else chooses to feed their baby, I'd think that was strange.

Does it make me sad...?

Yes, it does. Particularly if it is a friend/acquantence of mine. Because it's that much more difficult to really talk about it, and get beyond the feelings of wanting to blurt out "gosh, I would do it differently" because you like & respect the person & know they are making what they believe to be an informed decision. And may be in the best interest of their family - you can't really know what hurdles & barriers each mother has to overcome in their own life with relation to nursing.

So I try not to judge.

But yes, it makes me sad to think of so many babies weaned too early.

Then again, as many PPs have said... it's also uplifting to think that so many more babies are being breastfed longer & longer... that the benefits of nursing are becoming more well known.

Tweet me: @kellynaturally Working Mom to 2 Montessori-schooled kids. We're a vegetarian family! I blog at kellynaturally.com <--link in my profile!

Ks Mama is offline  
#9 of 53 Old 04-26-2007, 11:41 PM
 
mommy21princess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have to completly agree with you. I'm ALWAYS sad to hear they're weaning JUST CUZ or for some uneducated reason like: Baby wasn't getting enough because she/he wasn't sleeping through the night, or whatever. Yep I'm glad they've gotten some milk, but I"m sad that they're being weaned for not so good reasons.
mommy21princess is offline  
#10 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 12:04 AM
 
APCDmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 280
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes. : I wish people were better informed about breastfeeding. Paid maternity leave ends at 1 year, here in Canada. I think a lot of women wean their babies at this point because they don't realize work/breastfeeding can be compatible. Also "everyone else does it", right? Of course, many women wean before one year, which is more sad, and many women don't even try to BF at all, which is sadder still.
APCDmama is offline  
#11 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 12:07 AM
 
ani'smommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: co-housing
Posts: 3,285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, it makes me sad. I try to focus on the fact that they got to nurse for much longer than most babies, but it still makes me sad.

I have said this before, but we heard a pediatrician speak at the hospital where Ani was born when I was pregnant and he said that if you were going to go back to work at six weeks that you shouldn't even bother to start breastfeeding. :
ani'smommy is offline  
#12 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 12:51 AM
 
aidensmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my sil weened at 8 months because she didn't feel like doing it anymore, that made me sad because I can't imagine not wanting that special time/bond with my child but she didn't even attempt to nurse her first so it made me happy that she did it at all

it's sad that most women ween to early and that a year is a long time for a lot of families
aidensmama is offline  
#13 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
angelachristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by APCDmama View Post
Yes. : I wish people were better informed about breastfeeding. Paid maternity leave ends at 1 year, here in Canada. I think a lot of women wean their babies at this point because they don't realize work/breastfeeding can be compatible. Also "everyone else does it", right? Of course, many women wean before one year, which is more sad, and many women don't even try to BF at all, which is sadder still.
You are so much luckier than everyone here in the US! I wish I got one year paid maternity, even if it was only a percentage of my salary. I would be home with my baby right now, probably nursing her instead of being stuck in a room at work pumping.

In another post on one of the forums here, someone mentioned an article in Cosmo that states most women stop bfing at 3-6 months (or basically implies that). Women basically think they are supposed to stop bfing at that age. I have a parenting book I got from my pedi that I started skimming the other day (realized I hadn't looked at it since DD was about 3 months old... that's what got me thinking on this topic). In the 8-12 month section it stated, "you may be thinking about weaning your baby now." While it did state you can continue to bf past one year, it basically implied that no one really does this and that you should wean at one year. I mean, while I was pregnant I just assumed I'd bf until one year because that's what you're supposed to do and there's no reason to keep going after that, right? Luckily I read better sources on bfing and am choosing to follow my instincts, but many women don't get that new information and are never really told that it's okay to keep bfing as long as your child wants.
angelachristine is offline  
#14 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 12:29 PM
 
Kylix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: drifting off in space
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, I'm happy to hear that a baby got breast milk for so long! That is a wonderful thing!

If I know the mother or if it is in an online community, I'll make sure she understands that she CAN go longer if she wants. I believe that many women think that one year is a magical cutoff where they are "supposed" to stop (i.e., misread the AAP recommendations or their doctor is pressuring them etc). If they know that they could go longer but are making a decision to stop, I honor that. I just want to make sure everyone is informed that continuing to nurse past a year has the same nutritional and comforting benefits as nursing before a year.

Kylix
Kylix is offline  
#15 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 03:18 PM
 
HappyAgain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Idaho
Posts: 105
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sad to say I think the medical community is pushing this. I had a few fosterbabies who were bottle fed and no matter which of the three ped's I had they all told me to get them off the bottle at one! With bottle fed babies I think they are concerned about "bottle mouth" cavities, but this has morphed into, "all babies should be weaned at one".

They all also told me that at four monthes old the babies were big enough to be sleeping through the night and just to let them cry it out, which is a whole 'nother rant!

Sometimes I wonder if PED's have children or if they see them when they do?

Whats sad is there is so much conflicting advice and interference from others, I think a lot of mom's are not brave enough to listen to their own hearts and do what they feel is best for their own children.
HappyAgain is offline  
#16 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 03:34 PM
 
FiddleMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Please don't be sad on my account! My beautiful, healthy son breastfed for 13 months, weaned on his own due to my pregnant body's changes, and he's the happiest, healthiest baby I've ever known. He's a great eater, growing and developing right on track, sleeps and naps beautifully, and hasn't been sick once since I pulled him from daycare at 8 months. We are terrifically well bonded and I have no regrets about our breastfeeding experience.

I'm sure your heart is in the right place but there's no need for you to be sad for my child.
FiddleMama is offline  
#17 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
angelachristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiddleMama View Post
Please don't be sad on my account! My beautiful, healthy son breastfed for 13 months, weaned on his own due to my pregnant body's changes, and he's the happiest, healthiest baby I've ever known. He's a great eater, growing and developing right on track, sleeps and naps beautifully, and hasn't been sick once since I pulled him from daycare at 8 months. We are terrifically well bonded and I have no regrets about our breastfeeding experience.

I'm sure your heart is in the right place but there's no need for you to be sad for my child.
My post was definitely not aimed at you! It makes me sad when moms choose to wean their babies just because that's "what they're supposed to do." If your baby weaned himself, that's completely different.
angelachristine is offline  
#18 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 03:48 PM
 
momuveight2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,404
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not really, a year is a huge accomplishment! AS a CLW mom I know there is so much more that can only be experienced by those couplets who go beyond a year but I can still celebrate those moms and babies who made a great start.

I feel genuinely sad for those babies who never even got a chance; the ones I see at a few days old in Walmart being pushed around in baby seats with a bottle propped in their mouths.
momuveight2B is offline  
#19 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 04:04 PM
 
Lovemy3babies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hazel Park, Michigan
Posts: 291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
See, I see this so differently. I am a person who believes everyone does what they think is best for their family. People dont wean because they are trying to hurt their children, or bottle feed because they are trying to hurt them. They do what they know is best for them.

I bottle fed my twins. I tried to nurse for 3 weeks and was a zombie. I couldnt think straight, they needed supplements because I just didnt have enough for 2 at first. I wasnt getting any sleep, they just wanted to stay latched on all the time, which with 2 is not possible unless your sitting in a chair in the middle of the night when they are newborns. I quit because I was a better mom with sleep and patience then sleep deprived zombie. Am I selfish to you? Maybe, but to me, that was best for my family. I was devestated to stop nursing. I didnt even have a huge supply of bottles because I wasnt planning on bottles. I cried for weeks. But I know my kids are healthy, happy 19 month olds

Everyone does things differently. I think nursing after a certain point in a childs life is wrong. I am not going to go pass judgement on that person, to each his own.

I dont co-sleep. I cant. Tried, and COULDNT sleep. I woke up every 2 seconds. Joshua went into his bed at 3 weeks old, in the other room. He is exclusivly breastfed, and sleep perfectly through the night now that he isnt in my room. 10 hours at night. Most of you dont agree he should go that long. He is 18 lbs, he is growing just fine, and my supply is just fine with him going that long. So that is what is good for us.

I think people shouldnt feel bad for others children for something that is safe, and their own choice. Obviously is a child is beat, neglected, feel bad, even say something. But if someone wants to wean at 12 months, You dont know why. Get over it. To each his or her own, nursing till 12 months is a good lenght these days when women wont even stay home with their children (FIRM believer in SAHMing... but i KNOW sometimes that just ISNT possible. Dont judge though).

BTW, took my son in yesterday, he is exclusivly breastfed, and he has an ear infection.... Younger then Elijah did and he was bottle fed. Elizabeth was bottle fed, and has never had one. The twins sat unassited at 5 months, perfectly. Joshua is almost 7 and is not there yet. Elijah cruised and crawled at 6 months, again, joshua doesnt even get on his knees. Elijah was bottle fed, Joshua is EB.

My only point is that people who choose to bottle feed are not making their kids stupid. My bottle fed children are EXTREMELY intellegent. My breast fed baby is farther behind. I dont feel I did the twins a disservice by bottlefeeding them, although all future babies will be nursed.

Erika, wife to geek.gif and Mommy to twins.gif born in 05, coolshine.gif born in 06, biggrinbounce.gif born in 08! Ive had 8 miscarriagesmecry.gif and am praying.gif for a sticky bean in December 2012! I homeschool.gifsaynovax.gifwinner.jpg and hope for a hbac.gif!

Lovemy3babies is offline  
#20 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 04:20 PM
 
FiddleMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
I am a person who believes everyone does what they think is best for their family.
:

Well said, mama.
FiddleMama is offline  
#21 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 04:58 PM
 
thehappyhippo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
Yes, I do feel sad. However, like the above poster I try to remind myself that baby got WAY more breastmilk than most babies in this country.
Yes, this is how I feel too.
thehappyhippo is offline  
#22 of 53 Old 04-27-2007, 05:04 PM
 
thehappyhippo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It has been sad to babysit the baby that I watch. She was 4 months old when I started watching her and her mom just weaned her. She would root around at my breast (under my shirt of course) and it was really hard not to give it to her. It felt even more odd to be nursing my 2 year old while the small baby next to me was taking a bottle.
thehappyhippo is offline  
#23 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 01:01 AM
 
deliarose's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do understand the feelings. I guess it is a blessing that my nursing experience has been mostly positive.
deliarose is offline  
#24 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 11:01 AM
 
FiddleMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
My post was definitely not aimed at you! It makes me sad when moms choose to wean their babies just because that's "what they're supposed to do." If your baby weaned himself, that's completely different.
Well, here's the thing. The argument could definitely be made by mothers who have breastfed for much longer that I should have stuck it out during the earlier parts of my pregnancy, kept offering the breast even though he refused it, viewed it as a nursing strike instead of CLW.

I chose to take both my child's needs and my own into consideration. I had a baby who was very happy eating table food and I was exhausted and in pain trying to nurse and make it through the difficult first trimester. Selfish? Possibly. But the right choice for us and one that I have never regretted.

My point is, you never really know what people's whole story is until you have lived it and it's painful to feel judged. Babies who have nursed for a year have gotten a lot of wonderful benefits from it (as have babies who have nursed for 3 months, 6 months, etc). I dislike this polarized mentality that breastfeeding "doesn't count" unless you are going on two, three years with it. We are all doing our best for our families.
FiddleMama is offline  
#25 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 12:16 PM
 
APCDmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 280
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think the OP was judging anyone for her decision. I'm not judging people for their decisions, either. Weaning at 1 year old is unlikely child-led, and this IS the child-led weaning forum. I don't think that mama-led weaning is an unforgivable, awful thing, and I respect those who need to make that decision for their families. Fiddlemama, you are right that

Quote:
you never really know what people's whole story is until you have lived it and it's painful to feel judged
It saddens me that our society makes it difficult for mothers to BF for extended periods of time. Many people simply don't have the knowledge or support to continue, even when their instincts tell them it is the right thing to do. That's what bothers me.

Please don't feel judged when you are not being judged. I'll wager that plenty of CLW mamas feel judged, which is why they share some of their views here and not elsewhere on the boards. I'm not even sure that I'm a "real" CLW mom, since I have imposed a few limits in order to continue nursing longer. Still, I like visiting here and posting on occasion.

IMO, the spirit of this question is not judgmental, and its intention is not to offend.
APCDmama is offline  
#26 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 12:34 PM
 
roxyrox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It doesn't make me sad when I hear a Mom is weaning at one year in general. Like previous posters have already said, I really do think people do what is best for their family. I may feel a little sad if they were only weaning because "everyone else does/they are supposed to". Sometimes the medical establishment give really bad advice about bf. I think one year of breastfeeding is a great acomplishment though. I would be more likely to congratulate someone for bf for a year than feel sad for them. xx
roxyrox is offline  
#27 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 12:38 PM
 
Canadianmommax3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm one of them, i thought that was what was acceptable.
I think i breastfed Jenna maybe to 13 months but than a coworker asked me what she can't drink out of a sippycup. I felt embarrassed, like i was doing something wrong. Mind you this is a lady who didn't breastfeed because her breasts are for her dh.

So i am one of them sorry it bugs you.
Canadianmommax3 is offline  
#28 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 03:45 PM
 
momuveight2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,404
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadianmommax3 View Post
I'm one of them, i thought that was what was acceptable.
I think i breastfed Jenna maybe to 13 months but than a coworker asked me what she can't drink out of a sippycup. I felt embarrassed, like i was doing something wrong. .
I think that is the spirit of the original question, that no one should feel that they have to stop breastfeeding. It would be great if our culture in general had more understanding and support to offer to all breastfeeding moms.
momuveight2B is offline  
#29 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 07:02 PM
 
RockStarMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, it makes me very sad.
RockStarMom is offline  
#30 of 53 Old 04-28-2007, 07:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
angelachristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by momuveight2B View Post
I think that is the spirit of the original question, that no one should feel that they have to stop breastfeeding. It would be great if our culture in general had more understanding and support to offer to all breastfeeding moms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by roxyrox View Post
I may feel a little sad if they were only weaning because "everyone else does/they are supposed to". Sometimes the medical establishment give really bad advice about bf.
I should have phrased my original question better. These two responses were what I was really trying to get at. It makes me sad that women are made to feel like they have to stop at one year or that bfing to one year or beyond just isn't normal.
angelachristine is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off