So nursing makes my skin crawl..REALLY - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have posted before about my HUGE aversion to nursing my 3.5 year old DS a few months ago. In taht time I have seriously cut back on nursing. He's only allowed to nurse at naps and bedtime. I try to let him nurse for one minute on each side but sometimes the sensation his latch causes I cannot let him nurse for the whole minute.
I am getting pressure from my DP to either keep nursing iwth no limits which is what my DS has done until a month or so ago, or wean altogether. My DP doesn't like to see our DS cry for nursing and neither do I but I CANNOT STAND IT. I don't know what happened that nursing would suddenly make my skin crawl. It just started happening one day out of the blue.

support, ideas...

Denise
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#2 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 01:46 AM
 
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Maybe your body is trying to tell you something? What is your gut feeling about this? (separated from what anyone else wants, including your son)
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#3 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 01:50 AM
 
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First the list of -just in cases-

are you hydrated enough?
could you be pregnant?

Then... would weaning totally stop the crying to nurse? I know my nearly 3.5yr dd has a long enough memory and a wide enough stubborn streak that the crying would keep up LONG after the nursing stopped.



good luck!

-Angela
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#4 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 02:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am not pregnant. AF showed this morning. As for hydration I hadn't considered that. I usually neglect that fact. Could that have an effect on the way nursing feels.
I know that the crying for nursing wouldn't stop. The other night my DS was out of his wits to nurse 20 minutes after our bedtime session. I held him and talked to him and tried to soothed him. That night was also one of the times I couldn't let him nurse for a long time on either side. I assured him he would get to nurse in the morning. He did settle down eventually, but all the while I have my DP going JUST NURSE THE KID. The next morning my DS didn't even let the sun get all the way before he asked to nurse. He was happy the sun was up and i was happy to comply for two minutes.

This isn't the way envisioned CLW at all. I had no idea that suddenly one day nursing my son would give me the hibby jibbies. My feelings are something I feel guilty about. I don't want to nurse in these conditions anymore. I wish there were something I could do to make it less icky feeling.
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#5 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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Try more water. A lot of moms report that when they're slightly dehydrated nursing drives them batty.

Easy enough to try.

wishing you a peaceful solution.



-Angela
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#6 of 74 Old 01-05-2008, 03:19 AM
 
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Could AF be the culprit? Ovulation and my period totally made nursing even more unbearable then it already was for me.

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#7 of 74 Old 01-06-2008, 02:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AF isn't the reason that nursing makes my skin crawl. The feeling has been going on for near three months. I really think it has to do with my DS's latch. I have tried drinking more water. Today he only nursed a bed time because we were out when he took his nap. I cannot tell if that is helping just yet and I will keep you guys updated.

Denise
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#8 of 74 Old 01-06-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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This started happening when I got pregnant with DS. My milk totally disappeared after about 8 weeks and dry nursing hurt. DD had slowly begun forgetting to nurse before I was pregnant, I started having latch problems around her 3rd birthday, and it progressivly worsened. It could be the latch. I have found that a bad latch is more "stimulating" for lack of a better word. The sensation is weird and really uncomfortable.
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#9 of 74 Old 01-06-2008, 09:38 PM
 
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I agree about the water, but also homeopathy may help like Sepia for example.

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#10 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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Hello,
I’m new here but would love to say something.
Nursing is a mutual relationship between mother and child. LLL stats that breastfeeding should continue as long as the relationship is desired by both mother and child. If you are nursing beyond what you are comfortable with then you are not doing either one of you any good. He can tell that something is wrong when he latches on and you tense up.
If you have ruled out dehydration, PMS or pregnancy, ovulation or anything else someone else might have suggested then maybe it is time for you. Everyone is different just as every baby is different. You need to do what is best for you and your family.
Personal history about me: my first two babies I was unsuccessful breastfeeding mainly due to bad medial staff and no support no one ever told me about LLL. With my last 4 I have been successful even with my 32 week preemie. They each nursed until the end of my first trimester with the next baby. My youngest now is 3 ½ and still nurses to bed. It does bother some of my family but they do not live in my house so I do not worry about them.
Just my .02 good luck mama
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#11 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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Try setting limits on the length of time you will nurse, but not frequency. I got a tip on MDC years ago about singing the ABC song while nursing and when the song was over then it was time to stop nursing. Works great for other things like leaving the park, etc., too. It gives them enough time to process without completely yanking the bandaid off so to speak and distracts you while your skin crawls for one minute.

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#12 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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His latch could have changed because his mouth is bigger. If that's the case, and there's no way to make nursing work for you anymore, then it's time to wean.

Definitely try drinking more water first to see if that helps. Checking for nutritional deficiencies is a good idea too. But if nothing helps you to feel good about the nursing, then you need to explain to DS that nursing doesnt' feel good for you anymore, and it's time to stop. I'd try to find some new ways to interact- special snuggle time, more book reading, etc. Maybe a weaning party?

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#13 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 04:08 PM
 
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I am just lurking in this thread as I do not consider myself a CLW'er. My son is just 19 mos but I don't feel as though my desire to breastfeed will outlast his and am comfortable with guiding him to wean then.

I just had a question though if someone could answer. Is CLW supposed to be that the mom continues even when she is feeling like the OP? Is mom supposed to just keep on going in spite of how she feels? Just looking to understand. Thank you!

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#14 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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When I was pregnant with my second babe, my milk dried up partway through the pregnancy. I was still nursing my older toddler, who at the time was about 2.5 years old. He wasn't nursing every day, and mainly for comfort at naptime and bedtime, etc. Nursing was becoming irritating for me when my milk dried up, and what worked for us was for me to gently tell my toddler that he could nurse while I counted to a certain number (I forget if it was ten, fifteen, or thirty, but something like that). He was old enough to understand that, and so he would latch on and I would count out loud and he would unlatch when I was done counting (sometimes he would decide he was done even before I was done counting). I substituted extra cuddling in place of the nursing too.

Hope you find something that works for you guys!
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#15 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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A chiropractor, or craniosacral therapist might be able to help with your son's latch. I struggled with this with my dd, two things helped. One was a chiropractic treatment for her to free up her latch, also noting that it was worse when I ovulated and when I bled helped me cope. We also did institute the ABC song. She and I just stopped nursing at Christmas because it was no longer working for me, she's 4.5 now.
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#16 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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I had these feelings when my dd was about a year old til she was almost 2. For me, CLO is what eventually stopped the "creepy-crawly " sensations. I wasn't taking it for that, but it was what helped

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#17 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 05:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Destinye View Post
I agree about the water, but also homeopathy may help like Sepia for example.
Interesting idea. I took sepia for nausea when I was pg w/DS2. I hadn't even thought of it for this particular challenge, which I share all too often with the OP. My older lad's latch has deteriorated so much. Sometimes it's fine, but others it's really not.

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#18 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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pregnancy did that to me...but so did stress.

Mama, it's okay to stop. Really and truly. It is A.O.K.

/hugs

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#19 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Reading the replies and support has gotten me emotional. I have always encouraged other moms to go the extra mile when it came to breastfeeding. For many moms it was just making it to a year.
I have made sure I am hydrated through out the day. I am going to try singing while nursing to distract myself and mix in even more cuddle time. We have exchanged nursing to sleep for a back rub to sleep. Although this happened because he wasn't nursing to sleep as easily anymore a few months ago.
I did take the advice of letting my DS nurse more often for a shorter time. He seems to only nurse for a few seconds when I let him nurse more often.

BRB..DS is calling
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#20 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 08:18 PM
 
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Quote:
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I did take the advice of letting my DS nurse more often for a shorter time. He seems to only nurse for a few seconds when I let him nurse more often.

BRB..DS is calling
Seemingly paradoxically when you give the okay to nursing and don't set limits as far as frequency the nurslings often don't need to nurse as frequently. It's that forbidden fruit thing I think. When the little one hears "you can't nurse right now" it just makes them more and more anxious about when they will get to nurse. If you say, "okay, have a quick nurse" they can feel reassured that mom (and nursing) is still there for them and then they don't need to nurse as long.

My dd1, B, nursed until she was almost 6 and my dd2, E, is nearly done at just turned 4. I think dd2, E, is weaning more quickly (if you can call 4 years quick!) because I have set more limits on duration and more on frequency as well. She was also more receptive to those limits. She's interested in what dd1, B, is up to and other fun things. B didn't have a fun big sister to play with and I had lots of milk for E that B could share. I think my milk has dried up at this point which is probably another factor in E weaning. B also has a more intense personality (although few would call E mellow) and just really seemed to need it more. I feel kinda bad that I'm not giving them the same, but it's been very gradual with E and she doesn't seem to have hurt feelings about it at all.

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#21 of 74 Old 01-08-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
I am just lurking in this thread as I do not consider myself a CLW'er. My son is just 19 mos but I don't feel as though my desire to breastfeed will outlast his and am comfortable with guiding him to wean then.

I just had a question though if someone could answer. Is CLW supposed to be that the mom continues even when she is feeling like the OP? Is mom supposed to just keep on going in spite of how she feels? Just looking to understand. Thank you!
Personally I believe the relationship should not be continued if mom is feeling like it is time to stop. There is nothing wrong with mother lead weaning if that is what works for you.
I am very much a CLW but I have left my mind open to change if I need to. I would think if I get the creepy crawlies every time she latched on I would have to stop. I do get a little irritated from time to time but then I realize it is a few days before my moon cycle and I know the feeling will pass in a few days.
HTH
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#22 of 74 Old 01-09-2008, 02:57 PM
 
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I am so there with you. Dd is 2 1/2 and I have been getting creepy crawlies for ~4 months. And I am not pregnant.

I am going to try the hydration thing too. One thing that I realized was that my milk doesn't let down as easily as before, so she is doing more strong-suck nursing to get it to let down. To me, that feels icky, kind of ticklish.

So I have been singing Twinkle, Twinkle to her when I don't feel like nursing for a long time.

Thinking of trying the more frequency, less need idea too. I know that when I've deferred nursing a lot she does tend to have a higher need for it - just to know it is there.

I don't want to wean her completely, because she loves, loves, loves nursing and would be very upset. She seems to be night weaning...almost, and that is helping.

At night I would let her nurse and then gradually move to my tummy so the nipple would slip out of her mouth. My biggest creepy-crawlies were at night, and I got to the point where I was actually feeling rather angry about nursing...and I didn't want her to have to deal with memories of mommy being angry when we are snuggling in bed.

To add to the mother-led weaning comments:
Mentally, I don't want to wean. Physically, perhaps I do. Dd definitely does not want to wean. That's why I am trying to continue.

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#23 of 74 Old 01-13-2008, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have started doing the ABC song. My DS doesn't really like that. He'll tell me not to sing. So I have decided to let him nurse at least once a day without the songs.

My DP said its really sad that our son has to only a limited amount of time to nurse. I feel equally bad..but I am the one with the creep crawlies.
Water doesn't seem to matter. Sometimes my DS is latching on I can tell if its going to feel yucky or not. If it feels yucky I stop him and re latch.

I keep everyone updated. Thank you all for your support.
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#24 of 74 Old 01-13-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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i have many of the same issues with nursing my dd2 who is 3 1/2 but my issues are related to pg and new baby. ds is 12 weeks and i have had the horrible icky feeling with dd2 nurses since during my pg. i nursed dd1 longer than she is currently nursing so it distresses me that i have these feelings. anyway, what helped me is to negotiate with her about nursing. there was a time when she nursed so many times per day that i lost count....just after ds was born. i realize this is normal but still drove me nuts. we made deals... she could not nurse with her brother (i shutter at the thought!!), she had to unlatch right away if i asked her to and she could not nurse to sleep etc... we did not implement all of these at once but gradually. now she is only nursing 1 time per day in the morning for about the count of 20. this is obviously very little and she occasionally forgets to do this. i know she will be done relatively soon and i am relieved. she is also more than ok... really she has grown up sooo much in the past 3 months. i guess the point of my story is that what helped me was to feel like i had some say in our nursing relationship.... that i wasn't just at her mercy (so to speak). breastfeeding IS a two way street.


peace
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#25 of 74 Old 01-13-2008, 01:09 AM
 
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i know that feeling well-i felt the same way with my dd. i wish i could say it got better, but i kept it from about 4 until she weaned at 4.5. it made nursing unpleasant times for both of us-i wish i'd felt i could've weaned earlier than i did.

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#26 of 74 Old 01-13-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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I am going to try the hydration thing too. One thing that I realized was that my milk doesn't let down as easily as before, so she is doing more strong-suck nursing to get it to let down. To me, that feels icky, kind of ticklish.
I get this same feeling too, and it makes me :

Earlier in our tandeming adventure I would count to ten or whatever when necessary, but too many times my DS1 would bite me when I got to the end. : Hence, I am now a little more vague: "just a little bit more," or "take another sip and that'll be all." Even though he now says "I be gentle. I not bite you," I still don't count. I do give lots of warning that the session is coming to an end and try to have something else for us to do together lined up when I end it.

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#27 of 74 Old 01-13-2008, 10:08 PM
 
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I feel like chiming in here too.

I have a 4 yr old ds who still nurses once/day (though if it were totally up to him, he would nurse more often), and a 15 month old ds who nurses as often as he pleases. Starting when I was pregnant it started driving me nuts when older ds nursed, the sensation just was totally unpleasant. I chalked that up to pregnancy. Then I must admit that having an older nursling and a new baby was nice because older ds could finish off milk that new babe couldn't keep up with so I hardly ever got engorged.... but that's another topic. ANyway, older ds nurses first thing every morning and I find it generally irritating but we have talked about it numerous times and he's clearly not ready to give up nursing. (so I have a problem with the LLL statement that nursing is fine as long as it's mutually agreeable between child and mother - mother is irritated with it, child NEEDS it, or it's the end of the world).

To answer the question, I haven't found any good solution yet. My ds won't nurse to the ABC song because that's not long enough for him, so the best we've done so far is to limit nursing to once/day. Usually he'll detach on his own but sometimes I ask him to if I know he's nursing and not getting any milk which totally drives me nutty. Ack. Sorry this is so rambling, I have been having lots of discussions with dh about this too, but that's also another topic.

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#28 of 74 Old 01-14-2008, 04:04 AM
 
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I'm currently nursing a 3 yo and a 4 month old. Sometimes when my 3 yo wants to nurse I feel like his teeth are cutting into me so I remind him to be careful with this teeth, I often say, "bigger mouth" and he re-latches himself. We went through a phase where I felt "creepy crawlie" when he nursed, and sometimes, once in a while, I still get it. I felt like we had to re-learn how to latch on. Recently, I just tell him that "mommy, needs to take a break b/c my lala's hurt" and he can nurse again when I'm feeling better, or that he can nurse "after" (insert event). He has been more demanding lately, but usually if he is really tired and needing comfort.

Its a fine line between needing to comfort your babies and wanting your body to feel respected by your babies as well. I hope you find an answer soon.

(I've also done a countdown and that works for us as well, but I also find moments where I feel "stronger" and can allow him more time, so I'll offer him lala then, and he's so cute. I'll say, "Do you want some lala now?" and he'll reply, "Yes, please! Thank you, Mama, thank you!")
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#29 of 74 Old 01-15-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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Just wanted to thank those who answered my question. Good luck to the OP.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#30 of 74 Old 01-15-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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For me it was worse during certain times of the month, so I tried to limit it more during those times. I also do sensory stuff on other parts of my body to prevent it from getting too creepy crawly feeling. Like inducing muscle cramps or pinching myself, or sometimes just trying to distract my mind, otherwise if I focused on it, it would start to feel intolerable. A few times, though, I just really had to break them off and tell them to try again later.
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