still bf at 8..... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Has anyone seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R...eature=related

This is the longest I have seen a child still bf. Does anyone here have similiar experience? I am new to the concept of child let weaning, and I have seen 4 or 5 as the norm, but never 8....just wondering what you all have experienced.
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#2 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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I think if you look around this board, you'll find a thread for moms who have breastfed into later years. I know I've seen as late as 7 on here!
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#3 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 02:27 AM
 
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I saw the video too, and the child still BFing is actually 7 still. That's the longest I think I've ever heard of, and I'd be interested in hearing about other people's experiences too. I'm just curious about how that works for each family. I'm sure there are threads, anyone have any good links to them?
I've thought for years I'd encourage BFing til 4 yrs, but don't know of anyone IRL who's gone past that. I think I'd be open to it personally if it was still something the child and I enjoyed together til whenever they're done. I have faith in my AP skills and know that my kids will get all their BFing needs met well before they get to college, now my DP on the other hand...
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#4 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 03:07 AM
 
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So, in the first 7 pages of comments I only found two that were even remotely supportive of the mother and daughter's relationship. It was so sad, I can't believe how much we sexualize human breasts but cow tit is okay?!!? Doesn't make any sense! My DS is still BFing at almost 4 and I don't really see him quitting anytime too soon. . .I love to joke that we will still be doing it in college:

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#5 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 03:17 AM
 
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I loved this video clip. A friend sent it to me a while ago.

I was actually breastfed until I was 5, and I remember nursing fondly. When I watched this video, it brought back some memories I had forgotten I ever had. I liked, especially, how the girls did artwork that included mommy's breasts. So cute!

I know 8 could seem extreme, and it must be a topic that even pro-breastfeeding women have trouble swallowing. We certainly need the support of our partners and of other women!!

I say as long as both people are still happy and enjoying the situation, GO FOR IT!!

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#6 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 03:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't read the comments, but really I was curious about the child in general. My 5 year old boy is really affectionate and sensitive (not big "boy" qualities) and I feel like socially its often a little dicey to navigate and I was curious about things like how did she relate to other 7 year olds, did she share it with her peers, does she ever request in public, are there rules about where/when....things like that...Also part of me wonders if at some point there isn't usually some other "thing" that starts to provide the bond to mom, and if that transition doesn't happen the same way for all kids. Like when kids get older does it become the only way to get mom to slow down and focus only on them? hmmm....just thinking "outloud" here...great to hear other insights.
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#7 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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I've seen that video before, and although I have no problems with it, I could not see myself nursing a child that age. I too wonder about all the questions that mariag asked...hmmm...
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#8 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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Those Youtube comments made me sad. I don't nurse my 7 year old, but she is very interested when I nurse her baby sister. I have thought about pumping some and giving it to her.

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#9 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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It's with in the natural weaning age as far as I've read. The comments are bad but I expected that.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#10 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 12:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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texas mom, my almost 3 and 5 year old are interested when I nurse dd (10 weeks) and have been walking around nursing their various dolls and animals, and see lots of nursing with friends and family, which I love. But one reason I was wondering about the girl is that when either of them has expressed interest I have always said they could try if they wanted, and they have even gone so far as to lie in my lap, but then don't actually want to drink. To me, and my personal situation it seems like they just want to be sure it was possible ,more that they were testing our bond, not really that they wanted to nurse or wanted milk per say. That is one reason I was musing about the girl...
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#11 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 12:45 PM
 
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My oldest recently weaned (with my help, not true CLW) at 5.5. He's very popular and socially well-adjusted. I don't think 7 is too old to nurse. I've heard of children nursing longer.
Those girls do seem a bit odd, but I doubt nursing has anything to do with it.
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#12 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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there is a huge difference between a continuous nursing relationship that goes to term and offering a weaned child a chance to nurse again. i'm not trying to be snarky, but it seems a little bit like you are insinuating that the 8 year old is not having her needs met in other ways. wonder away. the piece was edited up the ying-yang, no doubt to make the girls look odd, and so much so that the mother has posted online separately the entirety of the interview so it seems less biased. i am so tired - like i feel literally physically tired - of coming here to the CLW forum and the discussion centers around someone's conjecture of another mama/child pair's reasons for nursing past 4 or 5 which seem to be the "acceptable" limit. i'm nursing MY 5 year old and MY 1 year old and i, personally, have no interest in delineating any age limits or speculating about anyone else's reasons for nursing "too" long. it has been suggested to me at various times that i am still nursing because i am too permissive, because i have a high-needs child, because i didn't graduate from college, because she has food allergies, because i have no limits, because i can't let go of it, because all weaning even CLW is dependent on parental encouragement that i am not giving, because of the age spacing between my children, because i am lazy.
i am currently so frustrated by a lack of support that i don't even want to spell out here, or in real life, the multitude of reasons that i still nurse my daughter. i want to keep it a secret so that it doesn't get picked apart and wondered over.
this sounds so angry; i don't mean it to. but i am frustrated. i want to trust that all mamas are doing their best. i don't always, but i want to so i am starting to practice it. so wonder away - but, mama, you will never know. i have turned inward, away from my friends, away from this forum, even, to quietly wonder about my own children and relish in my own journey and do what works for me. and my child is not lacking in some element that "drives" her to nurse. in fact, in my home, i would say that she is so supported that she feels comfortable nursing even though it is not the "cultural norm" (her words).
motherhood is becoming isolating for me all over again.
where you are at in your journey an 8 year old nursing needs an explanation.
i honor that.
but be aware that your fellow travelers are all over the freaking map. they are joyfully formula feeding a newborn baby that they never even knew they wanted and they are nursing developmentally disabled 11 year olds and weeping at what they want for them but cannot have. and they are quiet, not talking about how effortless and normal it is to allow nursing to continue as long as both parties delight in it regardless of the wagging fingers looking on from the outside.

and honor them.
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#13 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 01:45 PM
 
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Aileen, . I support you.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#14 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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i support you too, Aileen.

it's beautiful when you trust your child's need.
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#15 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 07:52 PM
 
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loved your post Aileen. i would be happy if my DD nursed to eight. after all i have read about primates, i really do think the natural age of weaning is around 7/8.
yesterday i met a mama who nurses her four year old (and in public!). i was just about bowing at her feet and telling her how proud i was to have met her. it is because of this board that i even learned about clw and it is what my i will be doing with DD and any other wee ones i may be blessed with.

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#16 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 07:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mariag View Post
Has anyone seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R...eature=related

This is the longest I have seen a child still bf. Does anyone here have similiar experience? I am new to the concept of child let weaning, and I have seen 4 or 5 as the norm, but never 8....just wondering what you all have experienced.
My son loves that video!! I weaned him when he turned 4, but he says he wishes he could nurse that long.

Blessed mama of four
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#17 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I love that video too. I think it is incredibly touching to see that little girl still nursing and to see what fond memories the older daughter has of nursing. We should all be so lucky to be able to give such gifts to our children!

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#18 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 08:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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aileen,

thanks for your feedback and I'm sorry if my wondering offended you in some way. Obviously bf relationships are all unique and special in their own right and I was not questioning that. And I completely understand what its like to have to parent without support, I think all moms have to go through this in some way whether its bf, using a midwife, cosleeping, gentle decipline, the list is unending...

That said I have had to wean both my children during pregnancy b/c of preterm labor problems and so no I don't know what its like but actually I was hoping I might someday know which is the reason I posted the question. Since I may not have another child it might be longer this time and I was looking for feedback from others that might know more. I do not have first hand experience with clw nor do any of my friends and so when this video was sent to me it brought up questions for me. I did not pose my questions to question the mom in the video, you, or anyone else in particular, I asked b/c they are questions I have about clw and I'm not aware of a better forum to ask them in. If there is one please let me know.

I am not insinuating the 8 year old isn't getting anything, rather I was questioning how complex it is that some children are clearly ready to end the relationship well before 8 and was curious, from the child's point why that might be. Not saying the mom doesn't meet her needs, but that its interesting some children obviously shift away from that relationship earlier than others and wondering why that might be. Again, kudos to the mom for putting it out there, but I think its unfair to have something like that out there and then be frustrated if it sparks discussion or brings up questions for me in my own journey. And I thinks its a bit unfair to insinuate me having questions means I am callous to other moms or to her in particular. I honor her, as I honor all moms, and not only for how they are choosing to feed their children, its a difficult road no matter what. Best to you and I wish you the best.

Thank you all for the feedback and best to all...
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#19 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 09:31 PM
 
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I have seen the video before, and thought it was sweet, but that the editing was focussed on making them look odd.
Is there a link to the unedited version you mentioned Aileen? I would love to see it, so would my 4 year old. She swears she is never going to wean. (then again, I am not sure I should show her this )

nothing more to say I guess :
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#20 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 09:33 PM
 
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a similar thread pops up here often. i find it sad that so many (not saying anyone in this thread) find it disturbing. seems completely normal to me, given the right child and family.
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#21 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 10:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aileen View Post
there is a huge difference between a continuous nursing relationship that goes to term and offering a weaned child a chance to nurse again. i'm not trying to be snarky, but it seems a little bit like you are insinuating that the 8 year old is not having her needs met in other ways. wonder away. the piece was edited up the ying-yang, no doubt to make the girls look odd, and so much so that the mother has posted online separately the entirety of the interview so it seems less biased. i am so tired - like i feel literally physically tired - of coming here to the CLW forum and the discussion centers around someone's conjecture of another mama/child pair's reasons for nursing past 4 or 5 which seem to be the "acceptable" limit. i'm nursing MY 5 year old and MY 1 year old and i, personally, have no interest in delineating any age limits or speculating about anyone else's reasons for nursing "too" long. it has been suggested to me at various times that i am still nursing because i am too permissive, because i have a high-needs child, because i didn't graduate from college, because she has food allergies, because i have no limits, because i can't let go of it, because all weaning even CLW is dependent on parental encouragement that i am not giving, because of the age spacing between my children, because i am lazy.
i am currently so frustrated by a lack of support that i don't even want to spell out here, or in real life, the multitude of reasons that i still nurse my daughter. i want to keep it a secret so that it doesn't get picked apart and wondered over.
this sounds so angry; i don't mean it to. but i am frustrated. i want to trust that all mamas are doing their best. i don't always, but i want to so i am starting to practice it. so wonder away - but, mama, you will never know. i have turned inward, away from my friends, away from this forum, even, to quietly wonder about my own children and relish in my own journey and do what works for me. and my child is not lacking in some element that "drives" her to nurse. in fact, in my home, i would say that she is so supported that she feels comfortable nursing even though it is not the "cultural norm" (her words).
motherhood is becoming isolating for me all over again.
where you are at in your journey an 8 year old nursing needs an explanation.
i honor that.
but be aware that your fellow travelers are all over the freaking map. they are joyfully formula feeding a newborn baby that they never even knew they wanted and they are nursing developmentally disabled 11 year olds and weeping at what they want for them but cannot have. and they are quiet, not talking about how effortless and normal it is to allow nursing to continue as long as both parties delight in it regardless of the wagging fingers looking on from the outside.

and honor them.

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#22 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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There's nothing wrong with "wondering".

Maybe if more people "wondered" instead of "judged", Aileen, you wouldn't feel so ganged up on. You should thank her for wondering instead of taking out what you have had to put up with (unjustifiably, yes) on her. :
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#23 of 74 Old 06-09-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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I think that's wonderful, although the comments are very very sad. My son stopped bf just after he turned 3yo (I would have bf him forever if he wanted!). I am bf my 6mo and am loving every minute of it.
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#24 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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maria,
let me try this again.
most importantly, i never meant to imply that you were callous - not for a second. and i apologize if i unwittingly did. i really was just trying to explain how your questions, in particular the question "Like when kids get older does it become the only way to get mom to slow down and focus only on them? hmmm....just thinking "outloud" here..." may imply that nursing is a push and a pull or a struggle or that uber-complex nursing relationships can be whittled or explained away in some sort of formulaic way. i guess i was just trying to point out that we can't know. i wasn't saying it's wrong to wonder - just that you can never really know how nursing is going to play out between any duo (or trio, or quadruplet [with a slow and noble nod to mamaABCD]). you just have to do it if you want to. you just have to go there and nurse for as long as it fits. i was not offended by your post. i am just exhausted by having to explain why i continue to nurse a five year old; why i have to justify it, and why i have to justify it here. (lord help me when she's eight! i'll never tell a soul.) i was responding to the tone of this forum lately, and was not meaning my post to be a personal attack. (did it really seem attack-ish?) i'm so sorry if i hurt you.
i was just trying to say that from another vantage it's not a puzzle to be deciphered. older children nurse because even if it's not the norm it's normal. it's totally biologically normal. if the brain keeps growing at that rapid clip and the milk teeth are still in the mouth and our shorter-lived ape-y cousins are nursing their five year olds then there's nothing to explain.


you might like reading some of katherine dettwyler's writings. she's smarter and nicer than me.
and sheepnumber97254, i'll take you up on your oh-so-kind suggestion.
thank you maria, for wondering.
and if i can ever figure out what it is that makes my child unique in her nursing needs or anything else for that matter, i'll let you know. until then i think i'll just shut up.
(zips mouth)
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#25 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 02:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aileen,

Thank you for clarifying your feelings a bit, and I must admit I was pretty hurt by your post, when really I am just exploring the topic so I appreciate you responding. Perhaps I should try to clarify that I was not asking you, or anyone, to "justify" your older child nursing. I was actually asking if someone could share with me some of the details of what it might "look like" so to speak.

In some ways I agree that with nursing you just "do it" but I am an analytical person, and so its hard for me not to wonder and ask lots of questions when I am thinking something through. I nursed both of mine until 2ish and when I had to stop and in my own circles that was considered absolutely bonkers. And to be quite honest there were days I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by my body not being "mine" so to speak. So then as I am thinking about clw I see the video and hear the woman talking about her breasts as though they are sort of apart from her and how the girls don't want them covered and I wasn't so sure I wanted to go there, so I wondered, is that video typical? And the girls seem a little obsessed with bf and I thought about my own 5 year olds social "issues" b/c of our "gentle" family approach and healthy eating and co-sleeping and wondered, how does it effect them socially? Would I be adding one more oddity? And on and on and on...so I decided to visit this forum and ask for help.

Thinking about going beyond two years when we have our "last" child (and theoretically should avoid the health issues I have had when combined with pregnancy) I want to try and be prepared for what taking this journey might have in store. Sure it won't be exactly like any other, but like many parenting situations, for me its comforting to hear tales of those that have traveled the road before me. For example, while I will nurse my 10 week old at the slightest nuzzle no matter where I am what I am doing, who I am with, I would ask my 2 year old to wait a minute if I was in the middle of cooking dinner or paying for groceries and felt like that was ok. So I am curious how does that balance continue at 3 and 4 and, like in this video, beyond.

So I guess what I am trying to explain, is that I was not asking you to explain "your daughters nursing needs" or "justify" you decision, I was just hoping for someone to share their story and give me a preview of what going down this road might look like so I can figure out if I am ready to try it someday.

And please don't "shut up" -the great thing about this forum is the sharing....

that is how we all grow.

best
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#26 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 02:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SheepNumber97245 View Post
There's nothing wrong with "wondering".

Maybe if more people "wondered" instead of "judged", Aileen, you wouldn't feel so ganged up on. You should thank her for wondering instead of taking out what you have had to put up with (unjustifiably, yes) on her. :
I don't really have much to say because I've never nursed very long. We'll see what happens this time, but I just didn't have the support with the other 2 kids. And I am very curious too about all this AP stuff - CLW, Co-Sleeping etc...and I wonder a lot and I'm a bit scared to ask the questions because I don't want to get attacked. I do wonder how it "works" nursing older children though...so I would love to hear people's experiences.

Haven't watched the video yet...going to watch it....now.
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#27 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 04:09 AM
 
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Aileen,
Thank you for the link to Kathleen D's writings I don't know that I've read anything by her before. I love her!!
Thanks again!
Chelsie

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#28 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 04:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by aileen View Post
maria,
let me try this again.
most importantly, i never meant to imply that you were callous - not for a second. and i apologize if i unwittingly did. i really was just trying to explain how your questions, in particular the question "Like when kids get older does it become the only way to get mom to slow down and focus only on them? hmmm....just thinking "outloud" here..." may imply that nursing is a push and a pull or a struggle or that uber-complex nursing relationships can be whittled or explained away in some sort of formulaic way. i guess i was just trying to point out that we can't know. i wasn't saying it's wrong to wonder - just that you can never really know how nursing is going to play out between any duo (or trio, or quadruplet [with a slow and noble nod to mamaABCD]). you just have to do it if you want to. you just have to go there and nurse for as long as it fits. i was not offended by your post. i am just exhausted by having to explain why i continue to nurse a five year old; why i have to justify it, and why i have to justify it here. (lord help me when she's eight! i'll never tell a soul.) i was responding to the tone of this forum lately, and was not meaning my post to be a personal attack. (did it really seem attack-ish?) i'm so sorry if i hurt you.
i was just trying to say that from another vantage it's not a puzzle to be deciphered. older children nurse because even if it's not the norm it's normal. it's totally biologically normal. if the brain keeps growing at that rapid clip and the milk teeth are still in the mouth and our shorter-lived ape-y cousins are nursing their five year olds then there's nothing to explain.


you might like reading some of katherine dettwyler's writings. she's smarter and nicer than me.
and sheepnumber97254, i'll take you up on your oh-so-kind suggestion.
thank you maria, for wondering.
and if i can ever figure out what it is that makes my child unique in her nursing needs or anything else for that matter, i'll let you know. until then i think i'll just shut up.
(zips mouth)
I'm sure you have to put up with a lot of shit nursing older children. I mean, people look at me funny and my son's only 8 months old. But even when he was an infant I would sometimes get dirty looks. It's sad that our culture isn't okay with doing something that is truly the healthiest thing for the child, but would rather see a bottle of formula stuck in their mouth. Because here, nipples are for sexual purposes! How DARE we use them to feed our children.

On one hand, i want to say, that's why we need to talk about it. If we all talk about it and aren't afraid of the questions we might get to the point where it's more acceptable, if not the norm. But on the other hand, I've heard of two cases now (one was one of the ladies on here) where a mother lost custody of her toddler because of extended breastfeeding.
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#29 of 74 Old 06-10-2008, 11:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mariag View Post
So then as I am thinking about clw I see the video and hear the woman talking about her breasts as though they are sort of apart from her and how the girls don't want them covered and I wasn't so sure I wanted to go there, so I wondered, is that video typical? And the girls seem a little obsessed with bf

My nurslings are just about 4 1/2, and they are obsessed with my breasts.... sometimes. They like to come up and pat them and bounce them (this just started in the last 6 months). A little embarrassing in public. It isn't like that goes on all day though. It is almost like an unexpected kiss or hug. It is like they think there are those wonderful tasty nurses, and I sure do love them so I am going to grab them for just a minute. Then they go on about what they are doing.

What is weird is there is the definite love for my breasts, but there has been a huge decrease in nursing also of late. Mostly down to first thing in the morning & bedtime.
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#30 of 74 Old 06-11-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I am new to this oard and was wondering if I could ask you a few questions, My son is 6.5 and only at bedtime,, were getting hell for it and I want to know ifyou know if it can be held against a mom in the courts eyes?? Thanks
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